the astounding denim jacket: 2014

December 31st, 2014 - The Phantom of the Opera (1943)

My wife and I have a lovely tradition (or at least I'm trying to make it one - 4 years is a tradition, right?) where we watch a horror movie on New Year's Eve. She's not too into the horror genre and is decidedly against the blood and guts, so I have to choose wisely about which movies to watch. So far, we've checked out The Cat o' Nine Tails, Detention, Pan's Labyrinth, and now Phantom of the Opera. I think the Phantom was her favorite so far, in that it's pretty far from a horror film and very Old Hollywood (huge cast, big set pieces, broad comedy). It was a little disappointing to me personally, having recently become enamored with Dario Argento's insane take on the tale. But still, it was an enjoyable time on the couch.

Here, the phantom is played by Claude Rains - also The Invisible Man! - we get to know a little about him in his pre-phantom days. He is a violinist at the famed Paris Opera House, and is struck by some sort of nerve issue that limits his ability to perform. He is secretly obsessed with the understudy Opera singer Christine DuBois (Susanna Foster), and is anonymously funding her obscenely expensive singing lessons with the best Opera teacher in Paris. Now that he can no longer make money playing the violin, he attempts to sell a sonata that he has written. When he brings it to the publishing house, he (mistakenly?) thinks they are going to steal it from him and freaks out. He gets acid in his face for his troubles (and murders two people in his rage) and the Phantom is born.

Well... I don't have all that much to say about Sea of Dust, other than the fact that it isn't very good. There are a couple of "wait...what... What?!?" moments of unintentional humor, and some comically poor acting. But unfortunately the majority of it misses "so bad it's good," and instead finds itself firmly in the "so bad" category.

What I could make of the story? It's a long time ago (early 1800's maybe?), and a young doctor's apprentice named Stefan is traveling to the town of Heidelberg. His boss, a respected doctor, was called to the town because some strange random acts of violence are occurring more and more frequently - before the credits even start, we see a woman running around, screaming and perhaps being chased. Then her head explodes. Some sort of religious entity named Prester John exists in a dream realm, but is somehow able to control people in our realm. I think. And Prester John is getting stronger... Stefan and the town doctor try to get to the bottom of things. Meanwhile, in our subplot, Stefan is in love with a fair maiden who lives with her wealthy father on a big estate outside of Heidelberg. The father thinks Stefan is no good, and forbids him from ever coming back. But Stefan senses something evil is afoot at the estate, and goes back to save her. Does the evil Prester John have anything to do with the nefarious goings-on at the estate? Guess!

December 29th, 2014 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

Well, it's nice they didn't end things on a super shitty note. Since New Line Cinema was affectionately known as "The House that Freddy Built," I'm glad that the powers that be saw fit to put a better cap on the Elm Street series than the really, really bad Freddy's Dead. I can't say if it was financially motivated or not, but I'd like to think that they did it out of respect for Mr. Krueger. While New Nightmare isn't anything special, it's a big step up in just about every aspect from parts 4-6. (I would entertain arguments about part 4 though.) I also think that it was probably a necessity for Wes Craven to bring us Scream - New Nightmare plays as a sort of test run for how to present the meta-horror ideas that are prominent in that film.

New Nightmare is about Heather Lagenkamp, the lead actress from parts 1 and 3. She's playing herself here in the "real world," where all six previous films exist as just that - films. The ten year anniversary of the original Elm Street is coming up, so she's invited to appear on a talk show with Robert Englund (also himself) to talk about the franchise. Since they'll do anything for a buck, New Line executives ask her if she's interested in being in a new sequel - Craven is working on a new script and she's slated to be the star. She passes on it... but maybe the movie won't let her?

Big time thanks to Family Video in Worthington, MN. I end up in Worthington several times a year visiting in the in-laws. (It's got about 13,000 people - a smallish-town, at least by my Twin Cities, MN standards.) The one place I MUST stop at is Family Video... really one of the last video stores I even know of. I just get all nostalgic about video stores, you know? It sounds cheesy, but they represent a simpler time to me. I mean, what could be simpler than being six and trying to decide which tape to rent - the cartoon or pro-wrestling? So, if you ever see me getting misty in Family Video, I apologize.

Messiah of Evil is not only a fantastic title/untaken metal band name, it's also a pretty damned good weirdo 70s faux-zombie flick. It was another vacation movie for me (find it at archive.org under its alternate title Dead People) so my notes are pretty scarce. But what I remember through the haze of Christmas scotch was pretty excellent.

It starts with a random scene of a guy running away from someone accompanied by a jazzy songstress singing about "holding onto love," and then has his throat slit by a teenage girl. It doesn't make a lot of sense. And having seen the whole movie, looking back... it doesn't make a lot of sense. (A continuing theme throughout the film.) After the title sequence, we cut to a long white hallway with a woman walking towards us - we learn from her minute-and-a-half monologue that she knows of some shady goings on in Point Dune and is now confined to an asylum. You can tell by the hazy visuals, weird music, and the long drawn out shot (as well as the crazy shit that she's saying) that Messiah of Evil will not be a very conventional film.

Another vacation watch on a tablet, another reason to be thankful for archive.org. I downloaded this spooky haunted house tale and checked it out late at night at a relative's house. And really, this was a good way to do it. The movie starts off pretty creepily, and being in a dark, strange house amped up the tension for me. There was honestly a couple of times where I'd see movement out of the corner of my eye and my heart would skip a beat - after a few minutes I figured out that passing car lights do funny things on the walls in that house. So that helped make a pretty mediocre haunted house flick a little bit better. So if you are going to see it - go into a stranger's house to do so.

Merry Christmas everyone! What better way to celebrate than with a slow-burn early 70s horror flick that looks like it was lifted from a VHS tape? One that has only tenuous ties to Christmas at best? Actually, it was a pretty darn good way to wile away the afternoon hours - Silent Night, Bloody Night is a pretty slow but ultimately entertaining little murder mystery, with a strong and legitimately disturbing climax/explanation (which I won't ruin - but will also make this kind of short).

Really, you could place this at any time of year and it would still be an effective chiller - you'd just have to lose the creepy choral versions of "Silent Night" and you'd be good to go. The story starts with a voiceover from Diane Adams (Mary Woronov), telling the tale of the old Butler house, which local-lore has pegged as cursed and/or haunted. It used to be owned by the wealthy Wilfred Butler, who was killed in 1950 by being "accidentally" burned to death. (This scene is actually pretty well done and sets a good tone for the film - a nice, long, quiet shot of the house, until a man bursts out of the door, screaming and engulfed in flames.) In his will, he passes the house down to his only surviving relative, his grandson Jeffrey. But the will states that the house is to be kept exactly as it is - "standing untouched as a reminder to the world of it's inhumanity and cruelty." Um... okay. As the film goes on, you start to learn a little more about why Mr. Butler would have felt that way, but it seems like a pretty harsh thing to say in your will.

Saint Nick is a Christmas-ish flick that has been lurking around in my Neflix queue for a really long time. I'm always in the mood for a killer Santa film around the holiday season, although in the past I've opted for Rare Exports and Christmas Evil. This one is about St. Nicholas Day - which I'm pretty sure we don't care about here in the US - although I don't go to church or anything so who knows? There's no "St. Nicholas Day Savings Spectacular!" sales though, so I assume it doesn't exist here. So even though it isn't a Christmas film proper I was pretty excited. A Santa-ish guy slaughters naughty kids? And anyone else who gets in his way? Sign me up!

Sadly, I was pretty let down. I don't know if it was my anti-Christmas mood (I'm sort of a scrooge), but it didn't sit well with me. It's decently made - there are some solid deaths with creative gore (too much of it CGI sadly) and a decent mean streak - but ultimately the whole thing is kind of hollow. There's this corny semi-comedic tone that kind of ruins everything - the jokes rarely land and it muddles anything that could be considered scary or tense. And I don't know if it's meant to be scary - it's more like a zom-com with a wintry twist (St. Nick has helpers that are basically zombie pirates). But ultimately, the most damning flaw is a really, really poor English dubbing job. It's so distracting that it made it difficult to enjoy the film on its own merits. I would have loved to see it in Dutch with subtitles, because just about everyone in this version sounds like a complete doofus.

I came across Werewolves on Wheels while doing some imdb research for Count Yorga, Vampire. Actress Donna Anders was in it as one of Yorga's victims, and I was curious to see what else she was in. For obvious reasons Werewolves on Wheels was a title that jumped out at me immediately. How could you not be into a biker/werewolf mash-up? Although having seen it now, it is a bit of a misleading title... yes, there are technically werewolves and there are certainly wheels, but it's less a werewolf-biker movie and more a biker-gang-runs-afoul-of-satanic-monk movie, with werewolves. But that would be harder to get into a succinct title, I suppose.

Anyways, it's about a biker gang called "The Devil's Advocates" that does the usual biker-gang stuff - they ride around the countryside, drinking and doing drugs, and generally causing havoc at whatever restaurant or store they happen to come across. I haven't seen a lot of movies from the biker boom of the 60s and 70s, but I found it hard to get behind these guys. They don't really have a destination or even a goal; they're are just sort of nomadic and go around being assholes to random people. Which wouldn't be as much of a problem if there was something unique or interesting about them. Luckily for us, after a few scenes of biker shenanigans they run across a group of satanic monks, which keeps things exciting.

If you've made it to this blog for some reason, you're probably a horror movie fan. (Or one of my parents.) And if you're reading this anywhere near 2014, you've probably heard a lot of good things about The Babadook. And what you've heard is probably true - it's a really solid, well-made, well-acted film. I really enjoyed it, and I know I've been seeing it turn up on a lot of Best Of 2014 lists. I've noticed it's been getting a lot of love in the non-horror circles as well, so it doesn't surprise me that it's been getting some flak in horror circles (usually along the lines of "it's not that scary and nothing happens") - I guess the backlash is inevitable nowadays. And honestly, I get where the criticism is coming from. It's not redefining any genre, and really it's more of a drama with a hard undertone of dread than an outright horror film. But if you go into it knowing that it's not trying to be extreme or push any boundaries, it'd be hard to not at least admire the craftsmanship behind it, even if you don't latch onto the dramatic parts. But if the drama stuff works for you (like it did for me), it's pretty damned great.

Neon Maniacs is one of those 80's flicks that is kind of underwhelming but is weird enough to be enjoyable. Watching it, I would have assumed that it was a straight to VHS deal, although I'm seeing release dates on imdb, so who knows. It doesn't help (or totally helps, depending on your appreciation for this sort of stuff) that it feels like a sequel to a movie that was never produced - or at the very least it's missing an act or a reel or something. There are some pretty big gaps in the plot - especially as it pertains to the titular maniacs (who are definitely not neon in any way, shape, or form). You see, we never figure out just what they are. There is an unhelpful voiceover in the very opening of the film, which is basically just saying "beware of the neon maniacs." Then, this weird book is found by a random guy, and underneath the book is a bunch of trading cards with pictures of these humanoid mutant things dressed as various characters (a samurai, and old knight, etc.). It turns out these are artist renderings of the maniacs that we see a bit later in the film. The guy is anonymously murdered with an ax, and then the cards (I guess) come to life?

It's hard to delve too deeply into writing about An American Terror without ruining what makes it really good. So I won't. I'll just pass on what you can gather from the preview. But I'm glad I knew next to nothing about it going in - I read a quick, very positive blurb on the excellent weekly "AICN Horror" column on aintitcool.com (thanks Ambush Bug) and decided to check it out before reading anything else. So, it you're inclined to enjoy low(ish) budget horror and are thick skinned as it pertains to controversial topics in horror movies, check it out!

On youtube, the preview for this is listed as "An American Terror (School Shooting Horror Film)." And yeah, it's about 3 high school outcasts who plan a to shoot a bunch of their fellow students at The Big Dance. Going in cold, I didn't know about this angle and thought it was a pretty ballsy move. I've been wrestling with two questions since I watched it:

Nick Cooper (Jack Jones) is a multi-platinum selling recording artist - he sings the kind of stuff that really could have have only been popular in the 1970's - low tempo, schmaltzy, highly orchestrated pop music (sample lyric: "she waited until I slept to cry"). He is recently divorced and only just now getting back to London and recording music after a six year hiatus - according to his manager, his ex-wife made him relocate to LA, where he got sucked into the celebrity lifestyle and hit a creative wall. His manager has rented out an old house for him to not only clear his mind, but to also start work on his titular comeback. It is a huge stately mansion (the type you could get lost in), and comes complete with two hired hands - the more-than-a-little creepy Mr. and Mrs. B. Nick begins to have trouble sleeping in the house, hears strange noises, and eventually begins to see apparitions in the late-night hours. Is Nick starting to crack under the pressure of making music again? Or is something more sinister afoot?

Sometimes, I almost give movies a pass based on their oldness and/or their Britishness. I am easily charmed by late 60's/early 70's films in general, and when you add a dose of British accents in there it's usually a winning (enough) formula for me. And for most of the runtime I thought The Blood Beast Terror was headed in that direction - nothing special, but passable. But after the truly uninspired and anti-climactic finale, I sadly have to frown on it.

It's about police inspector Quennell (Peter Cushing!) in 19th century England, trying to solve the case of a string of recent murders. Several young men have turned up dead, drained of blood and with strange gashes on their face. The few survivors/witnesses have rambled on about seeing some sort of crazy bird or giant winged beast, but they are quickly written off as hysterical. Quennell enlists the help of Dr. Carl Mallinger, a respected professor and bug expert. Mallinger claims to know nothing, but Quennell's spider sense goes a-tingling. After another murder, Mallinger and his daughter skip town, and Quennell follows them, hoping to put an end to The Blood Beast Terror.

The Head is probably the darkest "Head in a Pan" movie I've ever seen. I've always gotten the idea that these things are going to be campy (a la The Brain that Wouldn't Die). But here, the head of brilliant scientist Dr. Abel (I think that was his name?) just wants people to kill him, because he hates being alive as just a head. It's pretty depressing, and towards the end he proclaims "I'm just so tired" like some elderly person waiting to die. Happy Holidays!

But the medical acts against nature are two-fold in this film. Before any head in a pan business, the mad genius Dr. Brandt (I think - I need to start writing down names in my notes) has joined forces with Dr. Abel. They are looking into the science behind organ transplants (at the time this was made, a scientific reality for only 5 years - and only then with a kidney). Dr. Abel in particular has a lot on the line, for he has a heart condition that will surely be fatal if he does not get a transplant. And Dr. Abel has also invented a "z-serum" that will keep these organs living and viable - in fact, he was able to keep a dog's head alive for months! (We don't see this, thankfully.) He is also looking to help out his good friend Irene, and hunchbacked nurse who desperately wants her deformity fixed. Really, both the good Dr. Abel and the evil Dr. Brandt are the kind of doctors that just like to mess around surgically and see what they can do. The big difference? Dr. Abel only does this with consent and within the bounds of nature. Dr. Brandt? Not so much.

I really wanted to like Beneath - I always try to go into any movie with an open mind. I think it's always best to give a movie the benefit of the doubt - if you go in looking for something to not like, chances are you'll find it. And in creature features, there's usually lots of things to not like. To watch them on a regular basis, you have to love them, warts and all. That being said, I was a little thrown at first that our creature in Beneath was not some crazy cryptid or mutated beast, but just a really big fish. But after I thought about it, it's a refreshing concept - everyone is (still) trying to one up Jaws with super-intelligent sharks, or sharks crossed with other animals, or Ghost Sharks. I thought it was admirable that Beneath got back to the basics with a big, simple thing that is pretty much just after a meal.

And all the (practical!) fish stuff is super-awesome! But unfortunately, the non-giant fish stuff is far from it. The victims that are stranded on the boat (which starts about 15 minutes in and takes up the rest of the movie) are kind of annoying - the acting is pretty bad and the motivations of their characters seem pretty inconsistent. So while I was really digging things for 30-40 minutes, it's just a slow, steady decline once you get settled in.

Long Weekend is an Australian movie that I knew very little about, but when Netflix algorithms recommended it to me (calling it a "classic" in the process) I was intrigued. When I saw the cover with a giant bird attacking and the tagline "Their crime was against nature... and nature found them guilty!" I was sold. The little I read about it made it seem like it dealt with a lot of man vs. the environment themes, and I expected a Day of the Animals style situation (where all forms of nature just go berserk and attack our characters). But that's not really the case here. Yeah, there are some animal attacks, but this is really more of a psychological thriller than anything. There are definitely points where you begin to wonder how much of the action takes place in the physical world, and how much of it is just symbolic of our leading couple's inner turmoil.

Avoid at all costs. I want to be done with thinking about Road Hell, and kind of want to stop this entry here. But the show must go on.

Road Hell is an anthology - our main wraparound story is about a bickering couple (an asshole business man and his pill-popping "Real Housewives of Jersey Shore"-esque wife) who end up in a hotel... imdb says a "horrific accident" led them there, but I thought maybe she had to go to the bathroom. Despite walking in on the super janky guy working at the front desk screwing an inflatable sheep, they decide to stay there. I reckon out of spite - for each other and for the audience. From this stupid, stupid set-up, they witness 3 tales of terror... one on the hotel TV, one that manifests in the middle of the room out of nowhere, and a third that I don't even care anymore.

Demons of the Mind is a serviceable but mostly forgettable Hammer production - I guess it would technically be a psychological thriller, although more in the respect that it deals with madness rather than anything that is psychologically thrilling to the audience. The scary bits are about one of two things: (1) Someone is killing blonde women or (2) A crazy family that is crazy. It doesn't actively mess with *your* mind, like I kind of expect from a psychological thriller. The film is just kind of there - other than an exuberant lead performance from Robert Hardy as the Baron, there just isn't that much to get worked up about.

I think that it's hard to overestimate the influence the Paranormal Activity series has had on horror films, especially the indies. It was such a huge hit, and made on such a tiny budget, that it's been copied time and time and time again. I think Apartment 143 is legally safe from any sort of lawsuit, but man - it really takes a lot of its queues from the PA series. The scares may be a little bit different, but a lot of the DNA is there. Honestly, you could change a little bit about the backstory and I'd say this would be a pretty serviceable spinoff - it's certainly better than part 4, anyways.

Apartment 143 is basically Paranormal Activity with professional paranormal investigators thrown in the mix. The investigators have an impressive array of equipment (way better than the guys on Ghost Adventures, anyways) - cameras mounted in all of the rooms, crazy infrared devices, geiger counter looking things, multiple computers - these folks are very well funded. They've even got something so fancy that they had to have it pixelated in the final cut! I guess the idea is that it is proprietary technology - so fancy and innovative that they don't want anyone stealing their ideas. Although I like to think it was just a cardboard box in real life. The majority of the action is edited together from the static cameras placed throughout the house, although some footage comes from the handheld cameras the crew carries around.

The White Gorilla is really, really bad. I'm not sure if there is a genre name for movies that just recycle footage from other movies and then add some new stuff, but if this is any indication (along with the also really, really bad Vampire Men of the Lost Planet) it's not the best way to make a quality motion picture.

Although it shouldn't have been a surprise - I didn't really expect it to be good. There's bound to be some stinkers on the 50 Tales of Terror Budget set. Honestly, the only reason I really watched it is that I got the idea in my head that I should watch the entire 50 movie set, a disc at a time, in order. So I've got that to look forward to. This was on the same disc as The Long Hair of Death, and clocked in at a (seemingly) watchable 62 minutes, so I figured it should be easy pickings. Plus, who doesn't like guys in gorilla suits? Sadly, I didn't know what I was getting into.

I've been hearing about Feast for a long while now. I know I'm late to the party on this - one friend of mine has probably recommended it to me a half-dozen times over the last five years. And really, it's right in my wheelhouse - it's a semi-goofy, gruesome, and above all fun monster flick. Feast is laugh-out-loud funny at times, and has more than a few surprises up it's sleeve for the creature feature fan.

The Long Hair of Death is a gothic Italian joint that takes place in the Middle Ages - the fifteenth century, if you can read the text on the terrible transfer, that is. The story kicks off with a witch being burned to death for the crime of murder. Interestingly, not at the stake - they put her in a small house made of twigs and set that on fire. Before she burns, her oldest daughter Helen (Barbara Steele) begs the ruling Count Humboldt to let her live - she has proof that someone from the Count's inner circle had actually committed the crime! The Count agrees, but only if she sleeps with him first. Classy. While he's busy forcing himself on Helen, they burn her mother to death anyways. Before she burns to death, she casts her last curse on Count Humboldt, his family, and the people of the town. Also bearing witness to this whole thing is Helen's younger sister Elizabeth. Shortly thereafter, Helen in thrown into the river and killed by Count Humboldt, who is still concerned with the curse put forth by Helen's mom.

Fields of the Dead is an okay little ghost story - one that I could never get behind 100%, but I almost want to give it credit for what it doesn't do. So many of these low budget haunting flicks depend far too much on editing tricks/jolty visuals/etc. - it was nice to see one that was actually relatively straightforward for a change. And it would have been *really* easy to go found footage with this - they are out in an old barn/cornfield doing research for our main guy's thesis project. Just say you're documenting the research and - BANG! - found footage horror movie 65218-C. And while the effects aren't grand by any means, they never try anything too outlandish. I've given some movies a hard time for trying things that are clearly out of their range (be it budgetary/skill-level/whatever). So I think I kind of have to give Fields of the Dead credit for knowing when to say when.

Now, that's not exactly high praise; there is still some kind of stupid stuff and it really isn't all that scary/suspenseful, but it goes down easy. Sometimes that is all you need.

Frank Henenlotter's 1998 drug-use fable Brain Damage is a really fun watch. It's got a good blend of horror and comedy, along with a couple of really graphic effects scenes. Is gross-out horror-comedy a sub-genre? I think there are enough Troma films out there to say yes, and Brain Damage fits in with those. And not to trash on Troma, but Brain Damage just feels a little more sophisticated, like it's got a little more on it's mind.

not the best title screen

It's not a horror-centric recreation of the 1998 hit song... though there are numerous crows in it. (Between today and yesterday, I'm in a contest with myself for lamest blog-introductions...) What it is: an okay found-footage/mockumentary style flick about a couple that move into an isolated house in the woods and stumble across the work of an "artist" named Mr. Jones. He's an enigmatic recluse whose (really kind of awesome) scarecrow-style pieces not only have immense value in the art world, but also a kind of cult following. Some people think he's just an artist, and some people say he's an otherworldly figure whose art is keeping order between the real world and the dream world. (Kind of like what I think about Tommy Wiseau.) It's a unique story, but there are some issues that drag it down from pretty good to just okay.

It's a good thing that "Freddy's Dead" is right there in the title. Because after this terrible entry, he'd be dead to me anyways. Lame introductions aside, this is a really terrible movie, and it's pretty obvious by this point that the Elm Street series is out of steam. They make a semi-logical move by expanding Freddy's backstory a bit - we learned about his parentage in part 5; so here we get glimpses into his childhood as well as his pre-burnt adult life. We learn that he was not only married but also reproduced, and that his child would be old enough to star in one of these movies now...

Usually, once you get to the the origins of a character in a sequel, you're pretty much just treading water. But in Freddy's Dead Krueger's pre-glove life is the best part of the film. Not that these parts are great (or even that good) by any means... it's just that the bulk of the film focusing on our dreaming teenagers is so bad that it makes any breather a welcome change of pace.

The Sacrament was way more intense than I expected it to be. I more or less knew the general idea behind it (3 reporters from Vice go to a secretive religious commune to do a story on it) and that it was a Ti West joint, a director whose name isn't necessarily equated with tense thrill-ride type films. But I've always been a fan of his slow-burn style, and was excited to see what he did with the found footage/mockumentry aesthetic. In my experience, these FF types of movies tend to be more visceral in their scares - you're seeing some monster or whatever first-hand. The "you are there-ness" of it is what gives it much of punch. And The Sacrament definitely has that - you witness some truly nasty things uncomfortably close up. But what I wasn't expecting was the psychological side of it. This film really goes to some dark and disturbing places. I watched it a few days ago and it's definitely been rattling around in my head ever since.

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave was an okay watch. I felt like the overall story was decent (in a disjointed, Italian-horror way), it moved along at a reasonable pace, and had some good twists and turns. There are a couple of big things that make it fall on just the "not recommendable" side of things, but it's mostly okay.

Big thing 1 - Our main character Allan (Anthony Steffen) is essentially a serial killer. I think we're supposed to feel bad for him because of the trauma he experienced after the death of his wife (the titular Evelyn). By the end, he's almost portrayed as a hero/martyr, but when we first meet him he's bringing a prostitute to his isolated castle and then proceeds to murder her. And once he gets married, he beats his wife. Hard to get behind this guy.

Condemned to Live starts off promisingly. A bedridden woman and two men are trapped in a cave with some freaky drumming going on outside. The woman is clearly very fearful and in a lot of pain, and tells the man (her husband) "I can't stand it... If you love me, kill me. Kill me now." Wow. To which he responds "remember Martha - you have another life to think of besides your own," implying she's pregnant! Heavy by today's standards - even more so in the 1930's, I'm sure. They are hiding from "the natives," although they feel they'll be safe in the cave, as it is rumored to be home to vampire bats. On queue, a big bat swoops (i.e. gently lowers into the frame) and attacks her. I'm always partial to old bat-related special effects, but this scene is legitimately the best part of the film. From this point on, it's just a kind of talky and pretty bland murder mystery, although it does end up going to a bit darker places than I was expecting in the finale.

I can't possibly sum up the story or tone of Chopping Mall any better than the back of the box (I watched this on an old VHS I bought many years ago from a Video Update going-out-of-business sale):

Some people will kill for a bargain... and at the Park Plaza Mall, they do! Here, you can shop till you drop... dead!

High tech robots equipped with state-of-the-art security devices have been recruited as the new mechanical "night watchmen" for the Park Plaza Mall. When a jolting bolt of lightning short circuits the main computer control, the robots turn into "killbots"... on the loose after unsuspecting shoppers! Four couples are trying to make it after-hours in a mattress store. They make it alright - in the morgue!

At Park Plaza, you can save on everything but your life! [a bunch of people in the movie] (the stars) slash their prices and their customers!

Everything I've read about Devil Seed says it's pretty much just an Exorcist rip-off. But I haven't seen that (tsk tsk) so I can't comment. But to me, it did seem reminiscent of another big horror hit - here's how I saw the pitch go: "Think of the Paranormal Activity franchise. Although no found footage stuff. And instead of just haunting this girl, the demon gets her pregnant. And we'll make it cheap. And in Canada."

With a name like The Boogens, I think it's reasonable to expect that our antagonists would be impish little monsters that cause havoc/kill people, a la Gremlins/Ghoulies/etc. But that's not the case here. In fact, if you're expecting a lot of monster action, you'll be pretty disappointed - we're maybe an hour into things before we see our first full Boogen. But while it doesn't deliver in that department, it is a just plain fun and uncynical early 80's horror flick. The Boogens has really likable characters (including the dog Tiger, who may be my new favorite cinematic canine), a straightforward story, and fun special effects.

Oh, and there is a legitimate "Oh Hi Mark!" 25 years before its time. If you know my love for The Room, you know this just tickles me pink.

Another movie from the Thankgiving trip. I'm thankful for archive.org! So, I wasn't taking notes, and this may be a bit on the brief side. I was planning to watch something that would help satiate my Black Friday bloodlust (seriously, I don't think I could feel any more depressed about the state of our society than the day after Thanksgiving. The combo of stressful family time and the idolization of sales just gets to me, I guess.) Driller Killer seemed like it would fit the bill. It's an odd, grindhousey film and doesn't have much by the way of a traditional narrative, but was off-kilter and creative enough to be interesting. Plus, sleazy and grimy New York City!

Driller Killer centers around a struggling artist named Reno (Abel Ferrara, who also directed) - he's the emotionally explosive type of artist, prone to yelling and berating his two female roommates (one of whom he's in a relationship with, I think). He obviously has a lot of talent, but doesn't have the money to show for it. The pictures in his apartment are really cool - sort of surreal, but with great detail/technical-prowess/finesse. Despite being months behind in rent and having trouble paying the bills, he thinks his next painting, a psychedelic buffalo, is his masterpiece and will bring him the big bucks. He cracks under the pressure (I think) and starts killing people with a drill. It's not really that plot-heavy.

This was a Thanksgiving weekend trip movie. Which meant I needed something I could download to the old tablet. I came across archive.org about a month ago - it's a pretty rad (and legal) site where you can download many different types of media for free. The people who own the rights on any sort of property in any sort of medium can upload it there - with movies you can either stream through the site or download them. So I perused the horror section and came up with Beast from Haunted Cave. I knew I probably wouldn't be up for anything crazy after a long day of driving and family, so I wanted something that would go down easy. I didn't end up taking any notes, but I'm afraid there just isn't all that much to say about it anyways. It's a pretty bland 50's monster flick with really nothing to get excited about.

You might think this would be about a beast, but really it's more about a gang of bandits at a ski resort (shot on location in "picturesque" South Dakota). They have a plan to rob a bank or some such place - whatever it is, there are gold bars there. They will steal the loot and cross-country ski to an isolated cabin where a helicopter will pick them up. Along for the ride is Gil (Michael Forest), a ski guide who will help them get to the cabin but is ignorant of their illegal shenanigans.

First off, check out this theme song. Does that really make you want to watch a scary werewolf movie?

Another Howling, another sequel unrelated to the last. Despite *really* hating part 3, I was oddly anticipating part 4. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. And it definitely isn't a good movie. But it's kind of a good "bad movie," at least for a little while. It's interesting: part 3 tries to be funny and ends up being seriously bad, and part 4 tries to be serious and ends up funny bad.

I have limited Phantom experience. Up until now, I've only seen the musical (I may have fallen asleep) and watched a pretty okay 80's retelling of it called Phantom of the Mall. But I gather one needn't be familiar with the mythology to enjoy Dario Argento's take on the tale. When it starts off with an abandoned baby in a basket floating down an underground river (baby Moses style), which then gets rescued and raised by telepathic rats (!), you have to figure you've already strayed a bit from the canonical telling of the tale.

But yeah, this movie is pretty damned great. I know director Dario Argento starts to get some flak around this time, so I was a little hesitant at first, but I loved this movie. It's stylish, surreal, and kind of goofy. It's unquestionably it's own beast, and I can't think of any other movie to compare it to. The Phantom of the Opera is just awesomely odd.

November 24th, 2014 - Meridian (1990)

Meridian was on another budget pack of mine (The Midnight Horror Collection). Four of the eight are Charles Band jams. I have a kind of affection for his films (bearing in mind that I've only seen a handful). Even when they are really bad, they are always watchable to me. I recently watched The GingerDead Man and have the sneaking suspicion that Evil Bong will be next. But Meridian is a little older (1990), and it's clearly more of an attempt at a mainstream film than some of his "little-things killing people" movies. I don't know if it went direct to video, but there is some money on screen here. The Italian scenery is awesome (they shoot in a particularly good-looking sculpture garden), the monster effects are good, and it's got a game cast. Unfortunately, it's at the behest of a story that's quite convoluted and unsuccessfully tries to bridge the gap between horror and romance.

Now, I've never been into the "adult" fairy tales, which I think is what Meridian is going for. It's sort of a riff on Beauty and the Beast, and includes ghosts, magic, and a family curse (the fairy tale part). It's also got some blood and a lot of nudity (the adult part). But to me, the two just don't mix well. There are ways to successfully portray the fantastic elements of a fairy tale in an adult way (Neil Gaiman comes to mind), but it fails far more often than it works for me. You try to take the best of both worlds, and end up alienating fans of both instead.

November 23rd, 2014 - Shock (1946)

Janet Stewart (Anabel Shaw) has been on a psychological roller-coaster ride as of late. Her husband Paul is a presumed dead P.O.W. - only recently did she learn that he is in fact alive and coming home. She checks into the hotel where they've agreed to meet, but he's not there. Has someone played a cruel joke on her? As she anxiously awaits his arrival in her hotel room, she overhears a marital spat going on in a nearby room. It sounds intense (it's about the husband being unfaithful) so she peeks out. Just as she does, the man (Vincent Price) bashes his wife in the head with a candlestick! (It's 1946, so it's hidden behind a curtain. But you get the gist.) The next morning, Paul shows up, but instead of a happy reunion he finds Janet in a catatonic state. He quickly calls a doctor, who finds her to be in a state of shock. Luckily, an expert in the field, Dr. Cross, is staying in the hotel. Unbeknownst to anyone (except for Janet), the doctor is the very same man who drove her to her condition when she witnessed him murdering his wife!

Dr. Cross takes Janet to his private sanitarium outside of the city. There, he learns that she witnessed his brutal crime. He has been able to cover up the murder by staging a accident, but one eyewitness could make it all unravel. Dr. Cross is torn with guilt. Will he be a good doctor and nurse Janet back to health? Or will he use his knowledge of the inner-workings of the brain to manipulate her into thinking she's crazy? Or if that fails, will he take the encouragement of his nurse Elaine (also his mistress) and take even more drastic steps?

November 22nd, 2014 - Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

I was cruising through horror movies on Amazon Prime the day after I watched Night of the Demons 2. To my amazement, it had a four-star average with 48 5-star ratings. Granted, this is the internet, but still. Even if you are a huge fan of dumb comedy, gratuitous nudity, and exceptionally annoying characters, I don't see how this could be considered "Excellent." Words still mean things, you know?

And it's not because I am a huge Night of the Demons fan. From what I recall, I thought it was fun and seemed just about perfect for a late 80's VHS rental (I remember the box from Mr. Movies!) which I didn't actually see until 2000-something. But it fit the "idea" of a late-80's VHS rental, you know? I saw the remake (with Shannon Elizabeth) a couple of years ago and thought it was okay. But this - ugh. It's obviously aiming for comedy more than horror, but that doesn't give it carte blanche to suck.

November 21st, 2014 - Find Me (2013)

There ought to be some kind of law where you should have to list if a house is haunted when you are selling it. I mean, you are bound by law to say if there's ever been water in the basement - why not malevolent spirits? I guess there *is* a buying history. As it is explained by a somewhat helpful neighbor in Find Me, the haunted house in question has been moved in and out of in a span of a day (in one case) or a week (in another). But he never thought to ask why. Although I suppose the buying history would only say when it's been bought and sold, not when it's been moved in and out of. It would suck to buy a haunted house, is what I'm saying.

Anyways, Tim (Cameron Bender) and Emily (Kathryn Lyn) are moving back to the town Emily grew up in. They got a great deal on an old house, but from the moment they move in, strange things start to happen. Emily is the main witness to most of this, as Tim is always either at work or getting food. Things are knocked off of the shelves, a music box turns up out of nowhere, notes saying the titular "Find Me" start to show up written on the mirrors. Despite being scared, they cannot afford to leave, having spent all of their cash on this place. So, they do a little research on the house, and they set out to do what the ghost is asking. Will they Find [it]? Will the increasingly malicious spirit cost Emily and Tim their sanity, or something even worse? Tune in to find out!

November 20th, 2014 - The Prowler (1981)

Could The Prowler really be my first proper slasher? It's not my favorite sub-genre, but it's so ubiquitous it seems kind of amazing that I haven't hit one until now. BTW - my definition of a "slasher" - an unknown person/entity grossly kills several or more people, but there has to be some realism there too. As such, I do not count the Nightmare on Elm Street films as slashers. There should be some sense of mystery there too, if not directly who is under the mask, why are they doing it?

Anyways, The Prowler is right smack in the middle of the Golden Age of slasher films (roughly '78-'84), and is probably most notable nowadays for the effects work of Tom Savini. I wouldn't go so far as saying it's an oft-maligned film, but it's never mentioned in the same breath as many of the classics of that era. It could be because it was heavily edited upon it's release and never really caught on because of it. But my guess is because it suffers from some issues that stop it from being really good, namely an obvious killer and an over-reliance on fake jump-scares. But overall, it's solid - it's got some great effects work and a pretty wicked mean streak. I was expecting "eh" and got "pretty good."

November 19th, 2014 - Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)

Or, if you listen to the title screen, The Loves of Count Iorga, Vampire. I like the alternate title more, but the "Y" sound is certainly less confusing. I liked this one. It's got a solid "Swinging late 60's-70's vibe," a fun, smooth as silk vampire in Count Yorga (Robert Quarry), and is never too trashy but never too serious. Overall, it's an enjoyable but pretty low-key vampire flick.

It starts off at a port by the sea where a sketchy looking guy is picking up a wooden coffin and tosses it in the back of the truck. Nothing shady about that!

I wouldn't want to be behind this on the highway

At least put a tarp over it! Anyways, shortly after the truck arrives at a gated estate, we cut to a seance led by Count Yorga (in non-vampire form). There are three couples at the seance, and they are attempting to contact the recently deceased mother of Donna (the mother who also happened to be in a brief but passionate relationship with the Count). After we establish the skepticism of several of the guests, the lights go out and some weird stuff starts to happen. Donna, who seems *way* too attached to dear old mom ("I need you [mother] - I never want to be alone!") goes into hysterics, and the Count hypnotizes her to calm her down. His evil intentions are made clear (as if the title of the film didn't give it away) when he telepathically instructs Donna to "do everything I say, whenever and from wherever I say it." The seance party winds down, and one of the couples (Erica and Paul) offer the Count a ride home. But before he leaves? "I believe I had a cape." Ah, the 70's.

November 18th, 2014 - Invitation (2003)

I do like to rip on Amazon Prime, but Invitation seriously has the all-time best description of a movie I have ever seen: "Fifteen years ago, a group of young friends were playing a sandlot game of baseball." That's it? Would that make anyone (besides me) want to watch it? The fact that it's listed as being directed by "Maxim Media International" doesn't make it super-appealing either. But I like fifteen years ago, so let's do this!

Right off the bat, you get "indiehorror.com" presents, and yeah, it looks it. The video-y look, the static camera shots, the drab color - I've used the tag micro-budget for these before (the super bad Knight Chills), but really indie horror is more apt. Plus, for a $7,500 budget, this is pretty damned good.

November 17th, 2014 - God Told Me to (1976)

So I'm really excited about God Told Me To. It's the closest I've come so far to a hidden gem. Now, it's presumably not very difficult to track down, but I legitimately thought I was sitting down to watch a generic TV movie from my Possession Budget Pack. Even more, the credits list a Guest Star - not sure how that works for a movie, but whatever. Once we got to "Directed By Larry Cohen" I let out an audible "Cool!" I love Q: The Winged Serpent and The Stuff, and now I'll go so far as saying I love God Told Me To as well. It's well acted, well directed, has a good story, some creepy religious overtones, and a significant amount of WTF'ery.

The movie opens in New York City, where a sniper is picking people off at random from a water tower. You don't see any splatter or anything - it's actually an interesting visual, with people just dropping like rag dolls in the midst of a large crowd. Our hero is Peter Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco), a homicide detective who bravely/stupidly puts his gun aside and climbs up the water tower to speak to the shooter, who ends up being a creepy but calm young man. When Nicholas asks him why he did it, he responds with the titular "God told me to." Nicholas follows up with several other heinous crimes - the only connection being they were all committed by otherwise peaceful people, and they all claim they killed because "God told them to."

November 16th, 2014 - Vampire Men of the Lost Planet (1970)

I had come across director Al Adamson before. Looking at his imdb page, he's got quite the collection of B-movie "-ploitations" - sex- (Blazing Stewardesses, The Female Bunch), black- (Black Samurai), and, uh... blood- (Hell's Bloody Devils, Brain of Blood, Horror of Blood Planet - the last being the better but less accurate alternate title of Vampire Men of the Lost Planet.) Anyways, judging from those titles you pretty much know what you're getting into. B-grade movies may be being generous - I often see "Z-grade" associated with his name.

My only personal experience with Adamson thus far has been 1971's Dracula vs. Frankenstein - a very cheap but fun mad scientist-slasher movie with a vampire and Frankenstein thrown in to sexy it up a little bit. It was most notable to me because the backstory is Adamson had parts of two films shot (I think a Dracula movie and a mad-scientist movie) but didn't have the financing to finish either. So he just shot a little connective tissue with Frankenstein and viola - now we have a movie. It is this same commitment to the craft of filmmaking that is on display in Vampire Men of the Lost Planet... although taking it a step further, a bunch of the footage here is recycled from other movies he didn't even shoot.

November 15th, 2014 - Dark Wolf (2003)

Breasts.

I just thought I'd start this blog entry how Dark Wolf starts, and see how that works out. Seriously, this movie wastes no time in getting to the strip club. The description at imdb says it's a "hip, very erotic twist" on the werewolf thriller. Well. "Very Erotic" gets you one extended strip club scene over the opening credits, and nude modeling photo shoot, then one (really awkwardly) long scene where two women are covered in body paint and sort of rub up against each other for a while. "Hip" gets you - I don't know. If it's hip to be a pretty terrible B-movie, then yeah, Dark Wolf is hip. But it is oddly watchable... Although you better stretch out your eye muscles because they may get tired from rolling. (rimshot!)

The Dark Wolf in question is played by Kane Hodder (yay!), who is on the trail of a young woman named Josie (Samaire Armstrong). We know Josie is a good person and has a bright future because she is pulling double shifts as a waitress and saving up to go to medical school. What Josie doesn't know is that she some sort of hybrid werewolf (bear with me), and her werewolf side is only just now starting to come to the surface. Dark Wolf is out to find Josie and mate with her, to make an even stronger breed of werewolf that will take over the world, or something!

November 14th, 2014 - Hallowed Ground (2007)

After generally liking Husk but being a bit disappointed in the purity of it's scarecrow-ness, I was hoping Hallowed Ground would scratch my scarecrow itch - there's a sack-faced one right there on the cover! It was half-successful at that. I'm still waiting for a totally sentient, murderous scarecrow. But for the time being I'll take a one possessed by a crazy-ass evil preacher who is burned at the stake and comes back 100 years later via some strange prophecy. Yeah, he inhabits one for a little while, but then moves on to other people/things. It kind of bummed me out that it wasn't Pure Scarecrow®. Trademarked by me.

Anyhow, after the prelude (where our preacher is burned at the stake) makes you fear for the next 90 minutes of your life due to some exceptionally poor CGI, we flash forward 100 years and are brought into the small town of Hope (state un-named). Our heroine Liz's car has just started to break down on the highway, and she pulls into Hope to get it fixed. The scary gas station attendant proves to be quite polite, but informs her he will not be able to get the part for the fix until the next day. She'll need to stay in town for the night. So now we've got all the fixings for your typical "hero stranded in a town full of crazies" tale. She heads to the local diner, and ignoring the creepy vibes and leering locals, orders a meal. While there, she meets Sarah Austin (Hudson Leick), a reporter for a "National Enquirer"-esque tabloid who is there to do a story on the violent local history. (She may as well just be named Mrs. Exposition, because everything we learn about the city we learn from her.) Sarah talks Liz into coming with her to check out the epicenter of the town's violence, an old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. They hop in Sarah's car, and for a minute, it seems like we're going to get some kind of buddy picture.

November 13th, 2014 - The Eyes of the Mummy (1918)

I suppose by 2014 you are either on board with old silent films or not - that is - you either appreciate them and find the old-timeyness interesting and/or charming, or you just can't get into them all. I don't watch a ton of silent films, but I occasionally I'll check one out and enjoy my time in the way-back machine.

Now, the German way-back machine is probably one of the more loaded way-back machines there is. I'm not a history guy, but it's hard not to watch something like this and wonder what kind of effects World War I had on filmmaking (and creative minds in general) at the time. The Eyes of the Mummy doesn't explicitly deal with any sort of politics (other than the fact that rich people have really good lives), although it's hard not to see some of the xenophobia that was present at the time.

Our tale starts with a wealthy aristocrat named Wendland (Harry Liedtke), who is on a vacation to Egypt. He comes across a beautiful Egyptian woman named Ma (Pola Negri) alone in the desert and is instantly smitten. She runs away from him, but he insists on tracking her down. The next day in town, he offers big money to any guide that is willing to take him to her. However, the guides are hesitant to do so, because everyone that goes there comes back cursed! Anyways, money talks and eventually Wendland is taken to the cursed temple where Ma lives.

November 12th, 2014 - Dark Souls (2010)

It was one of those days that I was actively looking for something bad. Things had been going a little too well lately (as in I've liked everything I've seen) - so it was time to watch something terrible. So off to Amazon Prime. I know that's not exactly a ringing endorsement of their service, but it is why I kind of love it. After cruising through their horror section, I came across Dark Souls - the picture had a girl's face looking up at a drill bit.

Okay, needlessly gruesome box art? Check.

The description: "The hit horror film! A young girl is attacked and left for dead. When the police calls the girl's father to identify his daughters body, he tells them that she has just walked in the door. But there's something seriously wrong with her." Confusing grammar ("police calls") and overhyping? Check.

I checked out the info. Date of 2014, supposedly a hit, and I've never heard of it? Check. I felt confident that this would be bad.

November 11th, 2014 - From Beyond (1986)

Over the last couple of years I've gotten rather into the writing of H.P. Lovecraft - I've got a big, fancy collection of his most well known tales from the Library of America, and am working through it story by story for the second time. I think he's very readable, consistently disturbing, and I find his archaistic writing style rather charming. However, movies made from his stories tend to be lacking. I think a big draw of his stories is the way he invites you to use your own experience and imagination to think of "things so horrible the mind cannot possibly comprehend them." Which is obviously an issue for the visual medium of film.

I have not read his story "From Beyond," although from what I've heard it is an earlier story of his that was not particularly well received. It's pretty short too (about 7 pages), so obviously not easy to adapt into a movie. So the filmmakers here used the basic gist of the story (a scientist creates a device that stimulates the pineal gland, which in turns let you see/interact with beings from an alternate dimensions), and basically adapted Lovecraft's tale as a prologue.

November 10th, 2014 - The Phantom of Soho (1963)

The Phantom of Soho is okay. There isn't much to write about when you think a movie is just okay... and The Phantom of Soho is okay. Obviously, I'm having some issues here... It's my second krimi (German crime film based on the works of an Edgar Wallace - in this case his less prolific son Bryan) - after The Bloody Dead / The Blue Hand. It had a lot of the typical crime fiction trappings - a number of suspects, red herrings, several deaths, a last minute reveal. While this was not quite as enjoyable as The Blue Hand, it was still... okay.

We start in a seedy area in the Soho district of London (I didn't know that there were multiple Sohos). Most of the action takes place in and around a high profile strip club/brothel. A couple of high profile people turn up murdered, stabbed in the stomach and always left with some sort of trinket or money in their hands. The local media are up in arms and dub the killer "The Phantom of Soho." We follow around our two policemen from Scotland Yard as they attempt to solve the case. Eventually, they find that the murders are *not* random, and find a shady insurance deal could be behind it all. Nothing is more exciting than insurance! The cops also have to deal with their oft-absent Chief, who seems more interested in hanging out with a young, attractive crime novelist who thinks she can help solve the case.

November 9th, 2014 - Madhouse (1974)

My wife has been nothing but supportive while I've been doing this daily horror movie thing. She's not into horror, so if I want to spend time with her, it generally will not count towards any daily movie watching. But today she was okay checking one out, so I went through the ol' Netflix queue and looked for one that would be palatable to her.

Madhouse seemed like if would fit the bill. It's rated-PG, and who doesn't like Vincent Price? Plus I've heard decent things about it. I didn't take notes (since I was watching with her, which doesn't really make any sense in hindsight), but was hoping it would be easy enough to remember. Well, it was certainly enjoyable and a decent flick, but not super-memorable. So if this is a bit on the brief side, my apologies.

November 8th, 2014 - The Stendhal Syndrome (1995)

I've mentioned before that I'm a big time Dario Argento fan. I love his work throughout the 70's and 80's, but have just now gotten around to his later works, and starting things off with Dracula was maybe not the best idea. I think I hesitated because from what I've read the 90s is where things kind of go off the rails for him. The Stendhal Syndrome was solid (if uneven), and maybe a little too rape-focused. But it's got lots of style, some big ideas, and is overall a good watch.

The Stendhal Syndrome is about Anna Manni (Argento's daughter Asia), a young female cop trying to catch a serial rapist. (He also kills many of his victims - I'm not sure where you draw the line between serial killer/serial rapist, but I'll go with what the film goes with.) Early on in the film, she has tracked him to a museum in Florence where she is struck by the titular syndrome, which apparently is a real thing (I love it when horror movies teach me stuff!). Per wikipedia, the Stendhal Syndrome is a "psychosomatic disorder that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting, confusion, and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to an experience of great personal significance, particularly viewing art." Anna is overcome by the art, which Dario Argento represents with crazy visuals, swooping camera shots and claustrophobic/tight angles. It looks really cool, and lets you know right away that there is going to be some stylistic flourishes here (honestly, one of my favorite things about his movies). Anna passes out, and is aided by a strange man (Thomas Kretschmann), who turns out to be the very criminal she is after. When she comes to, she is raped but left alive - he's one of those serial killers that likes to toy with the cops. The rest of the film is about Anna trying to cope with what happened to her - not only dealing with the psychological impact of her sexual assault, but also trying to move on with her life and ultimately catching her attacker. However, the rapist seems to be after Anna again...

November 7th, 2014 - Hellinger (1997)

"Hellinger is a man with the black eyes on his eternal search for damned souls to take to hell with him." Hellinger! Hellinger! Hellinger!

I just want to chant it like I'm at a pro wrestling event... because this movie is pretty damned great. I'm always on the look out for "so-bad-they're-good" flicks. As I've said, I'm a huge fan of Tommy Wiseau's "best-worst movie" The Room. So when I read a review of Hellinger at chud.com - one of my top five killing time at work sites - comparing the performances in this to the performances in The Room I was determined to track it down. And when I saw the $9.99 price it was a no brainer - one highly recommended Hellraiser rip-off + one killer nun movie = one of the best purchases I've ever made. And I haven't even watched Holy Terror yet.

November 6th, 2014 - Dark Mountain (2013)

Okay, back to the found footage well. Three friends set out to make a documentary about their quest for the Lost Dutchman's Gold Mine - a lost mine in the Superstition Mountains near Phoenix, AZ. They never return, but we found the footage. Here is their story.

At the very least, I learned that the Lost Dutchman's Gold Mine is a real thing - it's a pretty cool story! So even their fake (and unfinished, since (*SPOILER*) they might not make it back) documentary was educational for me.

One big issue that you have to know up front is that this is a complete and utter failure as a found footage film. There are multiple camera angles, swift edits/cuts, music stings over jump scares, and a (pretty cool) soundtrack added in. It's almost like these folks' friends found their footage and decided "I really miss my friends - to mourn, I'm going to edit the events that led to their deaths and make it TOTALLY EXTREME!" So really, Dark Mountain treats the found footage aspect like much more of an aesthetic than sticking to the "rules" of the genre. But that's not what makes it a little bad - there are other things that take care of that.

November 5th, 2014 - The Mummy (1932)

Ah, another Universal Monsters jam. I already wrote in my entry of The Invisible Man about the issues inherent on writing about these films from the 1930s, so I won't go into that here. Suffice to say that there's a different scale that you grade these on, you're wearing a different hat as a viewer. You feel more detached, and I think it's impossible to ignore the decades and decades between then and now. The films are not inherently better or worse, just... different. I would say that The Mummy was less of an era-shock (a term I just made up) than The Invisible Man. Looking at it with my 2014 sensibility, dealing with a creature/plot from the ancient past was a better fit with the 1930's mentality as opposed to The Invisible Man - who really is more or less from the future. (Science!) And even though I had some fears going in, it's another great entry in the Universal Monsters canon.

The movie starts with several British archeologists gloating about their latest find - the remains of the high priest Imhotep, who was mummified alive for breaking all sorts of holy ancient-Egyptian rules. He's just kind of propped up against the wall in the back... I guess they felt okay treating their priceless finds like that. Also amongst their findings is an ancient scroll that has the power to bring the dead back to life. The archeologists, being science-first folks, scoff at the idea that the scroll has any real-life power. The brashest young archeologist waits until he is alone and reads from the scroll. Our mummy begins to stir, and the young man freaks out and starts laugh/screaming, and doesn't stop. When the others come to see what the fuss is about, the mummy has vanished and the young man has gone totally mad. We later find out that he "died laughing, in a straight jacket." It's a pretty solid way to start the movie, and was already scarier than anything from The Invisible Man.

November 4th, 2014 - Galaxy of Terror (1981)

It's hard to overestimate the impact Alien had on the horror/sci-fi world. You can really almost divide any sort of outer-space movie into pre-and-post-Alien categories. The concepts, the production designs, the goriness - there were just a *ton* of knock-offs in the early 80's that didn't really even try to hide that they were riffing on Ridley Scott's slasher in space. Galaxy of Terror is one such "homage," and while it gets the mood and the atmosphere mostly right, ultimately it felt a little hollow to me and just wasn't very memorable.

It starts of a little confusingly - we jump straight into a super synthy pulsing score where some guy is attacked by a ghost or something? The official story is "a crew is sent to find out what happened to another ship that crashed on a distant planet" - sound familiar? But they spice it up by having a character called "the Planet Master" calling the shots - he's some sort of leader of the human race (who leads by playing an oracle-type board game) and has a glowing red aura instead of a head. He chooses a seemingly random team of military types to check out the crashed ship.

November 3rd, 2014 - The Pot (2008)

Old people are scary. So is religion. That seems to be the general concept behind The Pot. Incidentally, I can't figure out why that is the title. Other than a brief reference to our main character being trapped in a pot (!) as a child, it really doesn't make a lot of sense.

The Pot is from South Korean Writer-Director Tae-gon Kim, and it's possible that there is something lost in translation, as the main arc of the story involves a non-religious family getting involved with a (potentially cultish) Christian church. My extremely rudimentary research says that Buddhism is the dominant religion in South Korea, although there is a large Christian population there as well. But obviously, with Christianity being the big boss here in the US, it will resonate differently with me.

November 2nd, 2014 - Willow Creek (2013)

I'm a big fan of bigfoot movies. I'm a big fan of found footage films. I've always thought Bobcat Goldthwait is an interesting filmmaker. So when I heard he was making Willow Creek - a found footage bigfoot horror movie! - I was really stoked. I've always enjoyed when established filmmakers dip their toes in the found-footage horror world (i.e. the extremely overlooked The Bay from Barry Levinson), and I assumed Goldthwait had a good reason to get into the game.

And generally speaking, he did. Willow Creek suffers from some of the typical issues with found footage films (namely treading water a bit in the first half of the film), but ultimately is successful as a horror film. (As a bigfoot film? hmmm... maybe not so much.)

November 1st, 2014 - The New York Ripper (1982)

Basically everything in my life revolves around The Room. (For those of you not in the know, that is the name of writer/director/star Tommy Wiseau's 2003 cult classic film. It's in the "so-bad-it's-good" category - I think it totally transcends that simple categorization, but that's a discussion for another time.) But I really cannot watch any other movie without comparing shots/lines/characters from it to The Room. It is my curse. A Room line that wasn't spoken in The New York Ripper, but was constantly front and center in my mind was "He is a Hateful Man!" It's in regards to director Lucio Fulci, because, man - as far as sexual violence goes, this was a rough one.

I've heard a lot on DVD extras about Fulci - saying he's kind of a big asshole and that he hates women. (Although it's never the person being interviewed that voices these opinions - it's always second hand "he has a reputation for..." The person being interviewed always likes him.) It's almost like this film is some sort of response to that criticism - "oh yeah? You think I hate women? I'll show you!" This movie is just flat out mean. Think of any body part that represents women & sexuality, and chances are it is graphically mutilated in The New York Ripper. Is it supposed to be provocative? Sleazy? Perversely enjoyable? I suppose it depends what you bring to the table as a viewer.

October 31st, 2014 - WNUF Halloween Special (2013)

I had been waiting for some time to watch the WNUF Halloween Special. I'm a sucker for found footage, and this seemed to be playing up the "found" aspect to a T. It is presented as a lost Halloween newscast from Halloween night 1987 - complete with commercials, VHS dubbing effects, poor film quality and all. In order to promote it, the filmmakers actually left tapes around VHS conventions to be found. I was saving it for *The* Halloween movie this year. Unfortunately, I think I had psyched myself up too much for it. I was expecting "amazing" and instead got "pretty good."

The WNUF Halloween Special plays as if recorded on October 31st, 1987. We start off with a local newscast from a presumably smallish town. Our news anchors are dressed up in their Halloween costumes, giving us short stories about what is happening locally (the town is never called by name, if I recall) on Halloween night - police telling kids how to stay safe, dentists warning parents about the ills of eating too much candy, and the local religious groups rallying against Halloween. They also hype up the titular special, where reporter Frank Stewart (Paul Fahrenkopf) will be reporting live from the Weber house, which has been closed for 20+ years after a horrific crime - a man killed his parents there claiming to be possessed by the Devil. Stewart will be searching the house with two paranormal investigators, as well as a priest, to see if the local legends of hauntings are indeed true.