July 8th, 2015 - Delivery: The Beast Within (2013)

So they forgot "the Beast Within" on the title screen there. But it makes sense in the context of the film - the first act is essentially a pilot for a reality show called Delivery, one that would center on a couple who going through their first pregnancy after trying to get pregnant for a long time. The couple in this case is Rachel (Laurel Vail) and Kyle (Danny Barclay), and we meet them in your typical reality show format... interviews about how they are doing in the early stages of their pregnancy, following them around to doctor's appointments, and filming them as they announce the big news to their friends and family... and it's really well done. Honestly, I think you could show this part of the film to someone and tell them it's a TLC reality show, and no one would bat an eye. (Although the eagle-eyed viewer might notice a surprising lack of sex offenders, which seems to be a requirement for them nowadays - good work, The Learning Channel!)

Anyways, towards the end of the pilot, something goes wrong with the pregnancy, and it seems like they have lost the baby. But through some miracle, the next morning they find a heartbeat once again... and things are back on track. Or are they?

July 7th, 2015 - The Devil's Nightmare (1971)

So what I *think* I have on my hands is the English dubbed version of the Italian release of the Italian/Belgian La plus longue nuit du diablo (The Longest Night of the Devil) - it's French (and official) title. The Italian version (above) translates as the Terrifying Night of the Devil, whereas us English-speakers get The Devil's Nightmare. Anyways, the film was a really nice surprise from the Pure Terror budget set. You never really know what you're going to get from these sorts of things - it could be anything from a bland, cheapo time-waster (here's looking at you, The Dungeon of Harrow) to a legitimately solid well-executed horror/thriller. What I *definitely* don't expect? Baby-stabbing and softcore porn. Let me explain.

The Devil's Nightmare starts out in 1945 Berlin. Baron von Rhoneberg is (I'd guess) a higher ranking official in the German army - and he's holed up in a bunker somewhere with his wife, who is just about to give birth. Bombs are dropping overhead, and the end of the war is near. Rhoneberg's wife dies in childbirth, but the midwife manages to save the child. Rhoneberg asks repeatedly "is it a boy? Is it a boy?" - but the midwife says no, it's a girl. Rhoneberg sends everyone away from them and proceeds to stab the baby. WTF? It's not really brutal or anything - I mean, really, he's just stabbing the pile of sheets next to the baby - but still. The concept of it is particularly nasty, and something I don't think I've ever come across in a film before. So thanks for showing me something new, The Devil's Nightmare.

March 27th, 2015 - Kingdom Come (2014)

Kingdom Come starts off pretty stupidly with an obvious premise, slowly starts to win you over, and then pisses it all away at the end. So if you are judging things based on percentage of time that you kind of like the movie, Kingdom Come comes out on top with about a 65-35 cut. But that 35 percent is pretty goddamned aggravating. But, it's the sort of deal that is hard to complain about without spoiling, which I won't do. But buyer beware.

The opening credits roll over sounds of a car crash and footage of breaking glass. A man wakes up in a strange abandoned building with no recollection of how he got there. Eventually, he ends up with a big group of people (10 maybe? Including a young girl) - none of them have any idea where they are or what has brought them there. All of their efforts to escape are fruitless (they can't find any stairs, the halls seem to be an endless maze, and they cannot see the ground from the windows) - and when one guy sticks his arm out of the window he gets bitten by an unseen something. Individually, they start to have hallucinations about past events in their lives... bad past events.

November 30th, 2014 - Devil Seed (2012)

Everything I've read about Devil Seed says it's pretty much just an Exorcist rip-off. But I haven't seen that (tsk tsk) so I can't comment. But to me, it did seem reminiscent of another big horror hit - here's how I saw the pitch go: "Think of the Paranormal Activity franchise. Although no found footage stuff. And instead of just haunting this girl, the demon gets her pregnant. And we'll make it cheap. And in Canada."

November 22nd, 2014 - Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

I was cruising through horror movies on Amazon Prime the day after I watched Night of the Demons 2. To my amazement, it had a four-star average with 48 5-star ratings. Granted, this is the internet, but still. Even if you are a huge fan of dumb comedy, gratuitous nudity, and exceptionally annoying characters, I don't see how this could be considered "Excellent." Words still mean things, you know?

And it's not because I am a huge Night of the Demons fan. From what I recall, I thought it was fun and seemed just about perfect for a late 80's VHS rental (I remember the box from Mr. Movies!) which I didn't actually see until 2000-something. But it fit the "idea" of a late-80's VHS rental, you know? I saw the remake (with Shannon Elizabeth) a couple of years ago and thought it was okay. But this - ugh. It's obviously aiming for comedy more than horror, but that doesn't give it carte blanche to suck.

November 7th, 2014 - Hellinger (1997)

"Hellinger is a man with the black eyes on his eternal search for damned souls to take to hell with him." Hellinger! Hellinger! Hellinger!

I just want to chant it like I'm at a pro wrestling event... because this movie is pretty damned great.  I'm always on the look out for "so-bad-they're-good" flicks.  As I've said, I'm a huge fan of Tommy Wiseau's "best-worst movie" The Room.  So when I read a review of Hellinger at chud.com - one of my top five killing time at work sites - comparing the performances in this to the performances in The Room I was determined to track it down. And when I saw the $9.99 price it was a no brainer - one highly recommended Hellraiser rip-off + one killer nun movie = one of the best purchases I've ever made. And I haven't even watched Holy Terror yet.