I wish I knew what The Dungeon of Harrow even means (note the apostrophe in the title shot - which makes it even *more* confusing). "Harrow" is a word I was not familiar with. As in "harrowing" perhaps? Dungeon of "sorrow" would have made sense. (And a good metal song.) And the Olde English font isn't easily legible. Maybe it was supposed to be something else? I looked it up, and apparently a harrow is an agricultural tool, like a big frame with a lot of spikes that you drag behind a tractor to till the soil. That is not in this movie. The film is actually about the Count de Sade - a last name I've only heard in the context of Marquis de Sade. Which I've always heard pronounced as "De Saad" (i.e. rhyming with "pod"). Here, it rhymes with "paid."
The fact that I spent most of my time thinking about these trivial things instead of thinking "I like watching this movie" should tell you how interesting it is.
The film centers on two people whose big old (toy) boat has crashed in the middle of the sea. Presumably many people died, but our two survivors - the ship's captain and Fallon, the son of the wealthy ship owner - have washed ashore onto an (apparently) deserted island. But it doesn't take long for them to realize that they are not alone. They hear wild dogs barking in the distance... and then a woman's scream! As they investigate the screams, they are ambushed by Mantis - a proto-Dennis Rodman clad in what is best described as a gladiator-robe/santa-outfit. Mantis takes them back to a mysterious castle... and while Fallon is offered a "civilized" meal with the master of the castle (the Count de Sade), he is unsure if he is a guest or a prisoner.
You see, the Count de Sade is a somewhat demented man of great wealth but a short temper. For some reason (that I won't spoil... not that it's good or anything - I mean, it *could* be good in other hands, but isn't here) the Count, along with his servant Mantis and some young woman (that I couldn't figure out why she was there), have chosen to cut themselves off from the modern world and live in this isolated castle on an abandoned island. Which sounds cool if you're a hermit like me... except the Count is a big dick. He occasionally likes to torture people in his dungeon... his 'dungeon of harrow'. (Still doesn't make any sense to me.)
But unfortunately, it's just a pretty boring movie. The pacing drags and the characters just aren't interesting or engaging. The castle/dungeon set sometimes looks cool, but it's never shot in a way that where you get any good gothicky feelings from it.
The filmmakers also kind of shoot themselves in the foot by placing the most entertaining segment of early on in the film, and then never even trying to go back to it. Before we really know what's going on, the Count has some hallucination where he sees this guy/ghost who claims to be the manifestation of the his evil thoughts. He looks all creepy (like a photo negative) at first, and then proceeds to make a bunch of shitty animal props appear to scare the Count. And in ascending order of fakeness, no less. (First, a rubber cobra. Then, a big fake bat. And finally a giant spider stuffed animal.) It's pretty awesome! I would be excited to watch a movie with *this* guy haunting the castle. But alas, he vanishes - and we never see him (or his shitty creatures) again. The only enjoyable part of the film is over about fifteen minutes in, and it never reaches those (meager) heights again.
I guess the "highlight" is actually the Count himself (William McNulty). But it's mostly because (a) he's super tan (to the point it's funny), and (b) he's got nice jackets that always have a popped collar. He's got the look of a decent bad guy, but is just a pretty bland character with forgettable dialogue. Too bad.
The score is obnoxiously overdone - think a big dramatic orchestral deal, played over crap that you really don't care about. Two assholes wandering around on an island don't really deserve dramatic music, you know? And if you are into leprosy, there's some of that. I really want there to be something else worth mentioning, but there just isn't. Unless you are trying to fulfill some kind of checklist, or do something stupid like watch a horror movie every day, there is no reason to watch The Dungeon of Harrow.
I would not recommend this film.
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