November 24th, 2015 - Shrooms (2007)

Confession: I've never done mushrooms. If I ever do (even though at age 35 my "trying new substances" days are almost over), I hope there isn't some ghost/beast thing running around trying to kill me after I take them. That would suck. And I guess that's pretty much the story of Shrooms.

It's worth noting that Shrooms is NOT a comedy. I expected it to be an Evil Bong-ish silly drug misadventure (the likes of which are generally painfully unfunny), but Shrooms is far from it. It plays more like a grim n' gritty slasher than anything. Not a particularly good one, mind you, but still a step up from your average drug comedy.

September 27th, 2015 - Slime City Massacre (2010)

I remember reading about this film a couple of years back and mentally filing it away on my "maybe watch" list. But you couldn't rent the DVD on Netflix, and it wasn't enticing enough to buy online. But when I was visiting a buddy out in California and came across the Special Edition used for $7.99 at Streetlight records in San Jose, I had to pick it up. And if I knew then what I know now (i.e. that I wouldn't like it very much), I probably would have passed. But still, I've got fond memories of that record store, even if Slime City Massacre ended up being a bust.

Also, I wish I had paid more attention when I read about it - apparently this is the sequel to 1988's Slime City. I highly doubt that seeing the original would make all that much of a difference (Massacre feels pretty self-contained), but still. It's good to be informed. That being said, the original is now pretty low on my "maybe watch" list. And that's a damned big list.

March 6th, 2015 - The Island Monster (1954)

Shame on you, The Island Monster. If you have "Monster" in the title, as well as Boris Karloff as the star, you should probably at least attempt to be a horror movie. I was fooled last year by the Karloff-less Devil Monster (also on the 50 Tales of Terror budget set), and now this. I'll still count it, since it's on the set, but man. If this I was watching a really boring movie a day, this would qualify for sure though. What an uninteresting drag of a film.

The Island Monster is about a family man/narcotics officer named Mario Andreani (Renato Vicario) who is assigned to stop a drug-running operation on an island off the coast of Italy. So at least the "Island" part is accurate. He goes kind of undercover, and gets involved with a beautiful local singer, who is in on the drug business. (But she has a heart of gold, you see, because she wants to get out. Of course she does.) Karloff appears as a local philanthropist early in the film, but things are not as they seem... Andreani's annoying wife and annoying kid show up to visit him (thanks for ruining his cover!), and the smugglers kidnap the annoying kid. At least the family has a dog, so they aren't entirely hateable. As you can probably tell, The Island Monster is really more of a crime film than anything, and not a very good one at that.

January 16th, 2015 - Evil Bong (2006)

I guess it shouldn't come as much of a surprise, but Evil Bong really isn't that good. In the pantheon of Full Moon films, my best frame of reference would have to be The Gingerdead Man, in that they probably just thought of a title and then fleshed out a story around it. But where Gingerdead Man was stupid but still managed to be a little bit charming, I never really felt charmed by Evil Bong. It felt cheap and long and at some times just kind of embarrassing, which is the last thing I want out of a modern era B-Movie like this. Plus, Evil Bong tries really hard to be funny, and rarely succeeds. But I wasn't high while I was watching it, so maybe I missed out. But I'd like to think even stoners have their self-respect.

Evil Bong is about a trio of stoner roommates that come in three stereotypes - light, medium, and ultra. They love smoking weed and talking all "c'mon dude bro man" and what not. They get a new roommate in super-nerd Alistair, who doesn't smoke and is just focusing on his studies. Medium stoner reads an ad about a bong in High Times, and despite the warning that the "seller is not responsible" for its effects, he is "like super stoked bro" to use Alistair's money to buy it.

December 7th, 2014 - Brain Damage (1988)

Frank Henenlotter's 1998 drug-use fable Brain Damage is a really fun watch. It's got a good blend of horror and comedy, along with a couple of really graphic effects scenes. Is gross-out horror-comedy a sub-genre? I think there are enough Troma films out there to say yes, and Brain Damage fits in with those. And not to trash on Troma, but Brain Damage just feels a little more sophisticated, like it's got a little more on it's mind.