I just thought I'd start this blog entry how Dark Wolf starts, and see how that works out. Seriously, this movie wastes no time in getting to the strip club. The description at imdb says it's a "hip, very erotic twist" on the werewolf thriller. Well. "Very Erotic" gets you one extended strip club scene over the opening credits, and nude modeling photo shoot, then one (really awkwardly) long scene where two women are covered in body paint and sort of rub up against each other for a while. "Hip" gets you - I don't know. If it's hip to be a pretty terrible B-movie, then yeah, Dark Wolf is hip. But it is oddly watchable... Although you better stretch out your eye muscles because they may get tired from rolling. (rimshot!)
The Dark Wolf in question is played by Kane Hodder (yay!), who is on the trail of a young woman named Josie (Samaire Armstrong). We know Josie is a good person and has a bright future because she is pulling double shifts as a waitress and saving up to go to medical school. What Josie doesn't know is that she some sort of hybrid werewolf (bear with me), and her werewolf side is only just now starting to come to the surface. Dark Wolf is out to find Josie and mate with her, to make an even stronger breed of werewolf that will take over the world, or something!
Standing in the way of Dark Wolf's evil plan is Detective Steve Turley (Ryan Alosio), a police officer who is assigned to the "weird cases" - they don't say the X-files, but that's what they're thinking. Anyways, Turley insists that there are departments like this all over the country, his explanation being "this is the real world, where real things happen!" When that's your explanation and backstory for your werewolf movie, you may be on shaky ground.
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| Dark Wolf is a live action movie |
So, Dark Wolf isn't that good.
A lot of dumb things happen. Kane Hodder's bandanna is magic, as it disappears when he turns into a werewolf, and reappears when he turns back into a human. People appear in places they couldn't possibly be. Somehow a guy leaves a building and gets trapped in an alley. (Like he leaves the building and steps into a bricked-in cell. Is that what alleys are like in LA?) Although this guy kicks ass, because he calls people "assHOLES" - totally emphasizing the last part. Try it, it's fun!
The CGI is super, super bad, and there is quite a lot of it. It's at its worst when Dark Wolf turns into a real wolf so he can run around - he almost looks like a really good shadow puppet, or something. The thing is, the practical werewolf suit (that they switch too when the transformation is over) is okay in short bursts. It looks kind of like a deformed bear, and is pretty fun to see in action.
And the main gist of it just doesn't make that much sense to me. Okay, Dark Wolf needs to mate with Josie by daylight, or the world is at risk. So, you could either (a) leave town, (b) kill Josie, or (c) get an abortion should such a union occur. I'm not sure where most conservatives would stand on that though. Is werewolf rape still a part of god's plan? It would still have a heart-beat 20 days after conception I guess.
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| The news camera just pans over to Dark Wolf for no reason. He's not being interviewed. Nice work, Local 25 camera man. |
But, if you like one or more of the following things, you'll probably want to check out Dark Wolf.
-Werewolf arms reaching through things and grabbing people.
-Stuntpeople being thrown against walls/barrels/through glass. This happens a lot.
-People pretending to fire guns with gun noises added in later.
-Awkardly long scenes of naked women in body paint.
I'm at a loss to give this a recommendation. It's very obviously a terrible movie. If you're looking for something to laugh at while you and your friends get drunk, it would fit the bill. If you watch a lot of movies and like laughing at dumb shit, then go for it. But I would really be putting my reputation (what reputation?) on the line if I recommended it, so...
I would not recommend this film.
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