July 22nd, 2015 - Wolfen (1981)

Wolfen is pretty badass. It's got an old-school vibe that I found impossible not to enjoy. There's some comedy in there, but mostly it's a serious film about a cop trying to solve a series of vicious murders in New York City. Wolfen is more or less a standard police procedural film, one that is played totally straight - I think these types of things hadn't been done to death in 1981 (and there wasn't as much competition on television), so it was nice to see a straight-ahead procedural without any bells and whistles. It also looks very cinematic and seems to have a bigger budget than I would have expected for a "werewolf" film - there are some really nice shots in there, especially of the bridge in the opening sequence - sorry New Yorkers, not sure which one. So while the story feels a little generic at times, you never hold it against the film because there's so much other cool stuff going on: great use of NYC, some thinly-veiled social commentary, solid (if sparingly used) gore, and a great supporting cast (featuring Gregory Hines, Edward James Olmos, and Tom Noonan).

Wolfen kicks off with a clearly wealthy couple coming home from their anniversary party. They make the last minute decision to stop by the park where they were married. While they are there, they are stalked by someone... or something... with proto-Predator heat vision. Moments later, they are violently dispatched. Officer Dewey Wilson (Albert Finney) has a troubled past and seems to be on some sort of leave of absence. But since he's the best damn cop on the force, his boss calls him in to work on the case. Along with CSI guy Whittington (Hines), Dewey determines that this was not your standard random murder... it's extremely nasty and seems to be a ritualistic murder or a gangland style execution. But despite the bodies being torn to shreds, they can find no trace of any metals in the bodies, so no knives. What gives?

July 13th, 2015 - Werewolf Woman (1976)

Based on the title alone, Werewolf Woman seems like it should have been right up my alley. I like werewolves, and I like women. And I really like me some 70's Italian horror. But rape-revenge? Not so much. And Werewolf Woman seems especially cruel in this regard. Not that the scenes are overly graphic, but I just felt too bad for our main character (Heroine? Antagonist?) to really wring much enjoyment out of the film.

First we get a bizarre opening scene with a gratuitous nude dance, an anatomically correct werewolf transformation, and a gory axe attack.  It's probably as "fun" as the film gets. Then we get to our main story, and it just gets kind of depressing. Werewolf Woman focuses on a woman named Daniela (Annik Borel) who was a victim of a (unseen) gang rape when she was younger. Her wealthy father has moved with her out to his isolated estate to help her recoup, but she is still bearing the psychic scars from that traumatic event. She has severe mental issues... in particular as it pertains to sex. She has natural feelings of sexual attraction, but due to the attack in her past, she lashes out with violence and fear whenever those feeling occur. And somehow, she has latched onto an odd piece of family history, where a relative (who looks just like her) was rumored to have been a werewolf. This mishmash of events/mental instability has turned her... well, crazy. Whenever she sees/is close to engaging in a sex act, she'll think she's a werewolf and tear out some throats with her teeth. If you're lucky, maybe she'll have sex with you a little first.

July 9th, 2015 - The Beast Must Die (1974)

You know you're in a bit of trouble when a film starts off with padding. And not just a little bit... The Beast Must Die kicks off with a full 10 minutes of an entirely needless chase through the woods. A couple of minutes would have been sufficient. When you have no idea who is being chased (or who is doing the chasing) - unless you have some seriously kick-ass action (which this film doesn't), the only possible end result is boredom, plain and simple.

So you've got 10 minutes of a man being chased through the woods - he's being chased by helicopters, trucks, and men on foot. And there is some guy in some control room somewhere, who is leading the whole thing. The man being chased looks up, and sees cameras in the trees - or looks down and sees microphones on the ground... the whole area is covered and under watch. But when the guy gets caught? The pursuers just point their guns at him and let him go. Intriguing? Or boring? I'd suggest the latter...

May 4th, 2015 - Wolfcop (2014)

Werewolves shooting guns. Who would have known that such a simple concept could be so great? It's one of those things that I didn't even realize I was missing from my life until it presented itself to me in Wolfcop. I guess I'm pretty easy to please. Unsurprisingly, Wolfcop is a pretty ridiculous movie that doesn't really reach for anything beyond the mashup promised in the title. Not that you'd expect it to. But it's made with enough care and has a goofy enough sense of humor to be a winner in my book. Also, it's the perfect length - Wolfcop knows what it is and doesn't overstay its welcome at a scant seventy-some minutes.

Our titular wolfcop is Lou Garou (Leo Fafard). Garou starts out as drunkcop - as in the kind with a permanent five o'clock shadow who brings a fifth with him everywhere he goes and unabashedly drinks from it at crime scenes. The small town police force he's a part of (a captain, Garou, and the overachieving Tina) are getting geared up for the annual "drink n' shoot." This event sees the townies get wasted and go hunting for a regional mythical beast out in the woods. Sounds safe, right? But there have been a series of vicious crimes lately, culminating in the murder (staged as an overdose) of a local politician. But when Garou goes to investigate another potential crime out in the woods, he runs afoul of some satan-worshipping folk, and blacks out. When he awakens, he has a heightened sense of smell and hazy memories of a bloody (and hairy) evening the night before.

April 22nd, 2015 - Late Phases (2014)

Late Phases is not a really easy sell. It's a pretty moody werewolf movie without a lot of action, and the werewolf design is... bold, shall we say. (It does *not* look like the box art.) Our main character is an old war vet who is blind, and most of the film takes place in a retirement community. And after an initial burst of werewolf excitement, nothing really happens for an hour or so. But still, something about it won me over. I'm not sure if it's just a different enough take on the werewolf genre, or the overall grim (but not depressing) vibe, or the stylish direction by Adrian Garcia Bogliano (Here Comes the Devil). It's kind of hard to put my finger on, but it just worked for me.

It centers on a Vietnam war veteran named Ambrose (Nick Damici), who has just moved to a retirement community with his seeing eye dog Shadow. His son Will (Ethan Embry) helps him get settled, but you can tell right away that the two of them have a rather strained relationship - Ambrose is portrayed as being a kind of bitter old man, and there is some tension between father and son regarding the former Mrs. Ambrose/Will's mother. On Ambrose's first night, he hears his neighbor being viciously attacked by a werewolf-ish creature, which eventually works it's way over to his house. Ambrose, of course, cannot see what it is, but senses that it is something significantly different than the puma that the police blame for the attack. Unfortunately, Shadow does not survive their encounter, and Ambrose spends a great deal of the film not only mourning the loss of his dog, but also preparing to go to battle with the creature the next time it pops up in the retirement community. Which it (eventually) does.

April 15th, 2015 - Moon of the Wolf (1972)

I always get a kick out of the fact that the major networks used to run a lot of made-for-TV horror movies. Moon of the Wolf aired as an "ABC Movie of the Week" in 1972; presumably the market dictated that the public was hungry for some werewolf action in their primetime viewing. (This is yet another reason for me to have some 70s nostalgia despite not being around for them. Then? Horror movies. Now? Singing/dancing reality shows.)

The mass-marketed style of a made-for-TV movie doesn't really suit the werewolf as a monster/lead character. Moon of the Wolf ends up being a pretty bloodless affair with not a heck of a lot of action. But even though it was kind of boring, there are some things to like. I was mostly just into its nostalgic charms - it's full of stuff that you'd never see on non-reality network TV nowadays - it takes place in the deep south on the bayou, so you get a lot of southern drawls and redneckery, lots of back sweat and chest hair, and older people flirting. And really obvious musical cues when it's time for a commercial. If that wasn't enough for you, going into the breaks:

March 13th, 2015 - Howling V: The Rebirth (1989)

First off, I just realized that I missed a golden opportunity to watch a Friday the 13th film for today's entry. I've seen all of the originals, but have been avoiding the 2009 remake and Freddy vs. Jason, because neither of them excite me at all. So my apologies to Mr. Voorhees... looks like I'll have to wait until November to do right by you. But I did watch a sequel from a franchise that was long past its expiration date - so that's kind of similar, right?

Although honestly, it's hard for me to call the Howling films a franchise. Other than being about werewolves, they have nothing to do with each other. They could all just have generic werewolf movie titles and no one would bat an eye. But the one constant about the sequels has been they've all been bad movies, ranging from quite bad (part 2) to really, really terrible (part 3). So my hopes were not high for Howling V: The Rebirth. And I ended up being pleasantly surprised how not bad it was. Don't get me wrong, it's not good, but it's probably the best of the Howling sequels, so that's something.

February 27th, 2015 - The Werewolf of Washington (1972)

Or the "Weerwolf" of Washington, since that's how it's said most of the time here. Even though Werewolf of Washington predates An American Werewolf in London by almost 10 years, it goes for the same horror/comedy vibe. I'm not sure why werewolf + place = horror/comedy, but whatever. Werewolf of Washington is only vaguely funny and is not scary at all - it's just a little too goofy for it's own good. It's a little interesting in the respect that it got made at all (I have *no* idea who exactly the audience is supposed to be for this thing), but it's too ambling and unfocused to win you over.

It's about a DC journalist named Jack Whittier (Dean Stockwell!) who is in a relationship with the President's daughter. He wants out of the relationship with as little drama as possible, so he does the natural thing and asks for a transfer to Bulgaria. While he's there, the President decides he *must* have Jack on his team working with his press secretary. It's too good of an opportunity for Jack to pass up, so he plans to go back to DC. Unfortunately, on his way to the airport in Bulgaria, he runs across a group of nomads who make him crash his car - and one of them is a werewolf. He manages to fight and kill the manimal - apparently, it's a weak strain of lycanthropy. I like Dean Stockwell as an actor - I don't like him in a fight against a werewolf. But Jack is bitten during the scuffle, so is now cursed and turns into a killing machine every full moon.

February 18th, 2015 (Trip Day 12) - Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory (1961)

Trip Day 12.

December 23rd, 2014 - Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

I came across Werewolves on Wheels while doing some imdb research for Count Yorga, Vampire. Actress Donna Anders was in it as one of Yorga's victims, and I was curious to see what else she was in. For obvious reasons Werewolves on Wheels was a title that jumped out at me immediately. How could you not be into a biker/werewolf mash-up? Although having seen it now, it is a bit of a misleading title... yes, there are technically werewolves and there are certainly wheels, but it's less a werewolf-biker movie and more a biker-gang-runs-afoul-of-satanic-monk movie, with werewolves. But that would be harder to get into a succinct title, I suppose.

Anyways, it's about a biker gang called "The Devil's Advocates" that does the usual biker-gang stuff - they ride around the countryside, drinking and doing drugs, and generally causing havoc at whatever restaurant or store they happen to come across. I haven't seen a lot of movies from the biker boom of the 60s and 70s, but I found it hard to get behind these guys. They don't really have a destination or even a goal; they're are just sort of nomadic and go around being assholes to random people. Which wouldn't be as much of a problem if there was something unique or interesting about them. Luckily for us, after a few scenes of biker shenanigans they run across a group of satanic monks, which keeps things exciting.

November 26th, 2014 - The Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988)

First off, check out this theme song. Does that really make you want to watch a scary werewolf movie?

Another Howling, another sequel unrelated to the last. Despite *really* hating part 3, I was oddly anticipating part 4. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. And it definitely isn't a good movie. But it's kind of a good "bad movie," at least for a little while. It's interesting: part 3 tries to be funny and ends up being seriously bad, and part 4 tries to be serious and ends up funny bad.

November 15th, 2014 - Dark Wolf (2003)

Breasts.

I just thought I'd start this blog entry how Dark Wolf starts, and see how that works out. Seriously, this movie wastes no time in getting to the strip club. The description at imdb says it's a "hip, very erotic twist" on the werewolf thriller. Well. "Very Erotic" gets you one extended strip club scene over the opening credits, and nude modeling photo shoot, then one (really awkwardly) long scene where two women are covered in body paint and sort of rub up against each other for a while. "Hip" gets you - I don't know. If it's hip to be a pretty terrible B-movie, then yeah, Dark Wolf is hip. But it is oddly watchable... Although you better stretch out your eye muscles because they may get tired from rolling. (rimshot!)

The Dark Wolf in question is played by Kane Hodder (yay!), who is on the trail of a young woman named Josie (Samaire Armstrong). We know Josie is a good person and has a bright future because she is pulling double shifts as a waitress and saving up to go to medical school. What Josie doesn't know is that she some sort of hybrid werewolf (bear with me), and her werewolf side is only just now starting to come to the surface. Dark Wolf is out to find Josie and mate with her, to make an even stronger breed of werewolf that will take over the world, or something!

October 19th, 2014 - The Marsupials: The Howling 3 (1987)

So, I had really hoped Knight Chills was going to be the worst thing I had to watch over the next few months.  It seemed like a good bet - but Jesus, The Howling 3.  Just two days later.  I was tempted to just put "F (forget!) This" and be done with the review, but I have "professional standards" to keep up.

I was recently bitching about how franchises nowadays needed and "Architect" - someone to watch over all the moving parts.  But the Howling could have used it - there is no reason for this to even be a Howling movie - I don't know where, or why, other than cashing in on the name, this even exists.  Because the thing is, the first Howling is really good, I thought.  It had some good NYC sleaze to go along with it's quality werewolfing.  Part 2 was a big disappointment, but nothing could have prepared me for part 3.  Had I done my research (I never do), I'd have learned that Phillipe Mora, who was responsible for part 2 - didn't like how the studio meddled with part 2.  So he bought the rights to the Howling 3 book (which has squat to do with his movie) so he could give it another go with his vision.  Oof.