December 9th, 2015 - Blood Riders: The Devil Rides With Us (2013)

It's not entirely fair to call every ultra low-budget and knowingly stupid film Troma-esque, but that's where my brain goes. Troma with a dense Canadian filter is probably how I would describe Blood Riders: The Devil Rides with Us. Even though there's a lot of tasteless humor and cheap gore, it's a bit more good-natured then I would expect from a wacky low budget horror-comedy.

Janek and Kyle (I think I have the names right) are buddies - they're pretty good guys, but are sick of being treated badly by their peers. So, as you do when you want respect, they attempt to steal a car. But they are interrupted by Dane and Zoey (two "cool kids") and try to walk away. But Dane harasses them, and in order to show him up they successfully steal a *different* car. And the four not-really-friends go for a little joyride. However, when they go to ditch the car out in the woods they find a dead body in the trunk. Zoinks!

December 4th, 2015 - The Cabining (2014)

I'm not sure how to explain The Cabining without pretty much ruining it. So, fair warning. (For the record, I'd say it's probably not worth seeing anyways.) Think of an awkward indie-horror version of Adaptation... it's got some of the meta-ness of Cabin in the Woods, but it just isn't particularly clever. It's not stupid, but it's not smart either. And this is the type of story that requires some smarts and finesse, and unfortunately The Cabining doesn't have either.

Todd and Bruce are buddies trying to make it as screenwriters. The problem is they are terrible. Supposedly they've been at it for years, but their scripts are laughably bad. Todd is the more serious one - he's concerned with rent and, uh... writing. His buddy Bruce just kind of goofs around all the time and doesn't really even try to write. And in the off chance he has an idea, it usually sucks. So yeah, not much of a team. Anyways, the pair is lamenting the fact that their most recent attempt at a horror script was laughed out of a writing workshop. Plus, they stand to lose Todd's rich uncle's (Richard Riehle, Skype-ing it in) investment if they don't get something good together... and fast.

November 15th, 2015 - Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal (2012)

The Sleepwalking Cannibal

Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal seems to be going for some sort of grandiose statement about art, inspiration, and mortality. I guess it didn't work for me on that level... I just wasn't buying what it was selling. But thesis statement aside, it's still an okay (but slightly pretentious) watch. Not that it's super artsy - I mean, it's still more of a comedy than anything, and it succeeds mostly on that front. Maybe I just hate art?

Thure Lindhardt plays Lars, a famous Danish painter whose artistic output has taken a nosedive; he hasn't painted anything in 10 years (although to me he looked too young for that, but whatever). Lars is looking for a change of pace, and finds it by getting a job teaching in a small art school - I'm guessing in small town Canada (Eddie is a Danish/Canadian co-production), although I don't think it's ever specifically mentioned. Anyways, one of the quirks of the school is Eddie - a strange, mute man (some would probably call him "simple") whose parents died when he was very young. Eddie's aunt is a big benefactor of the school, and they let him hang out there as a gesture of goodwill. But when Eddie's aunt dies, she wants to leave her inheritance to the school - on the condition that they take care of Eddie. And for whatever reason (I guess so there's a movie), they decide it would be best for Eddie to stay with Lars.

November 13th, 2015 - Fraternity Demon (1992)

Really shitty things happened in the world today. I wasn't looking forward to watching a movie, and wasn't really in the mood for anything. So I "meditated" a bit - probably the closest I can get to actually shutting down my brain entirely is by mindlessly perusing through movie titles on Netflix and Amazon. It's almost zen-like in it's calmness... After about 20 minutes, I think I realized I didn't actually care, and eventually landed on Fraternity Demon. I think I just saw "college kids accidentally unleash a sex demon," and on this particular night, that was enough.

And it's not very good! Never mind the fact that its barely a horror film at all. (If I was doing a "dumb sex comedy a day" blog, this would be perfect.) Other than the fact that she's called a "demon" (complete with stupid devil horns), there's nothing even close to horror here. No tension, no atmosphere, no scares, no blood... no one even dies! A couple of guys get sexed by the demon and you *think* that might be the end of them, but it turns out they are just tired. So... there's that.

November 11th, 2015 - Silent But Deadly (2011)

I've been curious about Silent But Deadly for quite some time. I'm not sure if I've seen non-Jay Jason Mewes in anything, and "cheap Canadian Slasher" is not a deterrent for me (in spite of Dark Fields). But honestly? The title kept me away. Not that I'm above fart jokes or anything, but naming your movie that just seemed like a bit much. But, despite being mostly absent of fart jokes/potty humor, it's actually a pretty good name for the film. I mean, it lowered my expectations to the point that I ended up enjoying my time watching it. A lot of the reviews (rightfully) give it a hard time about the CGI kills, but I honestly can't get too upset that a film called Silent But Deadly went the crappy/cheap route. The title all but tells you it's going to. It still falls short of a pleasant surprise though. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't unwatchable garbage at least, if that makes any sense.

November 2nd, 2015 - Frankenhooker (1990)

I really wanted to like Frankenhooker more than I did. I've certainly enjoyed what I've seen of writer-director Frank Henenlotter's other films, but the way Frankenhooker focuses more on overt comedy just didn't pan out for me. I mean, there are still the occasional horror bits (including some Basket Case-ish body horror towards the end of the film), but the comedy comes first here. That, and the story frankly isn't all that interesting. Despite the mash-up title, there's not a heck of a lot in the film that plays around with the Frankenstein tale/mythos. Frankenhooker certainly has potential and has a few fun moments, but overall it's kind of a disappointment.

(Incidentally, if you watch the DVD, don't check out the special features until *after* you watch the film. I'll usually look to see what special features a DVD has - but I always watch the film first. I just want to know what's there. But here, there's a little clip that segues from the main menu that basically gives away the best moment in the film.)

October 24th, 2015 - What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Another day, another comedy. I think Entrails of a Virgin bummed me out on more than one level, and I overcompensated by watching three comedies in a row. Don't get me wrong - What We Do in the Shadows was on my To Watch List for a long time... and it's really funny.  But like I said yesterday, writing about comedies kind of sucks. So this will probably be a short one.

It's not a great comparison, but What We Do in the Shadows kind of reminds me of The Office, with it's documentary-style camera work and interviews, and it's reliance on awkward pauses and kind of nerdy characters. Only instead of an office setting, you have a bunch of vampire roommates renting out a house. And it's hard to deny that the set-up works. While the style may not be particularly innovative (it's got a little bit of reality show feel to it too), the jokes come in a steady flow and have a near perfect hit/miss ratio. And all of the characters are interesting, have diverse personalities, and are fun to spend time with. It's the sort of comedy where I never really belly-laughed or anything - it's just consistently clever, which worked for me.

October 23rd, 2015 - The Editor (2014)

It's hard to write about comedy movies. Humor is so subjective, and jokes from the film never translate well into the written word. So other than just saying "I found The Editor to be really, really funny," I won't go into the specifics re: the comedy. You pretty much just need to know that it's a send-up of 70's/80's Italian giallo films - it might *kind of* work if you're not familiar with those types of films, but if you're a fan... it's pretty much a must see. The Editor is a love-letter to/parody of all the things (warts and all) that you love about the genre.

The titular editor here is Ray Ciso (Adam Brooks). He was one of the most sought-after editors in the industry, having edited well-respected giallos like The Cat with the Velvet Blade. But after a horrible editing accident cost him the fingers on one hand, his confidence is shot and he's stuck editing cheap B-movies. He's having relationship troubles with his wife Josephine (Paz de la Huerta), and when people start getting killed on the set of his latest picture, he's the number one suspect. (The killer, you see, is mutilating his victim's hands to be just like Ciso's.) Wonderfully mustachioed Peter Porfiry (Matthew Kennedy) is working the case... but can he solve it before everyone involved with the film ends up dead?

October 22nd, 2015 - Stalled (2013)

Stalled has a very simple premise: zombie apocalypse, from the view of a guy is stuck in a bathroom stall. And it's certainly not overly complicated - it sticks to that premise (aside from a brief hallucinatory number) until the very end of the film. But surprisingly, it moves pretty fast and doesn't drag as much as one might expect from the one-note premise. There is a bit of a cheat - one (mostly unseen) person is also stuck in the same bathroom with our hero. But I'll give that a pass... without that there would be literally nothing for our hero to do. Anyways, the bulk of the film is the two of them talking - giving each other a hard time and getting to know each other while gut-munchers continue to fill up the bathroom.

The premise pretty much sums it up. But to go into a little more detail... sad sack janitor W.C. is working during the big office Christmas party, and is fixing something in the women's room. And since he's a little pervy, when someone comes in to use the facilities, he hides in one of the stalls. And when another woman comes in and the two start to make out, ol' W.C. thinks he's witnessing a pervy Christmas miracle. (Having actually written this down I really wish Stalled would have starred the Ghetto Heisman himself - rapper WC from the Westside Connection.)

October 12th, 2015 - Coons! Night Bandits of the Night (2005)

Coons! Night Bandits of the Night is a damned silly movie. It's cheap, it's ugly looking, it's sophomoric and tasteless, and very much has the feel of a guy who got his friends together and was like "hey! Let's make a movie!" But the funny thing? Coons! is actually pretty good. Or at least, it's funny enough to be good. Considering how many jokes are in the film, the hit-miss ratio is incredibly good. (Amazon has it listed as a spoof - and the sheer number of jokes would support that claim. Although horror-comedy was my initial reaction.)

The catch? If it's not your style of comedy, it's likely to be insufferable. The characters overact about as loudly as possible, and seem to have the craziest/fakest costumes/looks that they could (cheaply) get away with. Facial hair in particular. Many actors play multiple roles, so the bad costumes (kind of) hide that. And the raccoons are very clearly inanimate and taxidermied - there is no attempt to fake anything else. But Coons! is the sort of movie that uses it's cheapness as a joke. And yeah, hearing that makes me shudder a bit, as most movies that try to do so are really quite bad. But every once and a while it works - and it does here. It's just fun, plain and simple. But I concede that it's not for everyone.

September 17th, 2015 - Bad Milo! (2013)

Bad Milo is probably the best killer ass-monster comedy I've ever seen. It's a horror-comedy that occasionally lingers a little too long in the potty humor department, but that may be a necessary evil when you're dealing with a monster that resides in a man's colon. But the gross humor is offset with some clever jokes and surprisingly, a little heart. It's a funny, breezy, and ultimately interesting film.

Duncan (Ken Marino) has severe gastrointestinal problems. He's prone to long fits of gas as well as long and painful bowel movements (to the point where his loving wife wears earplugs to bed while he's doing his thing). The specialist he's seen believes it to be stress-related; Duncan is the kind of guy that bottles up his emotions. So the doctor schedules a colonoscopy, and his current prescription for Duncan is "no stress."

September 4th, 2015 - Ninja Zombies (2011)

From the time I purchased this DVD (for $1.50 - big ups to Family Video in Worthington, MN!) until the moment the title screen came up, I *swore* this thing was "Ninja vs. Zombies." Which would have been an entirely different - and probably better - film. I was hoping for some nice solid ninja action; maybe some well choreographed splatter and some decent fight scenes. But nope, we've got Ninja Zombies: a really cheap-looking and amateurish "bromaction horror comedy" (their term, not mine) that isn't as clever as it thinks it is. I mean, Lloyd Kaufman is involved in an extended cameo, so I guess cheapness shouldn't be a surprise. In fact his pull quote on the DVD box - "better than Avatar" - is literally my favorite thing about the film. Ninja Zombies wallows a little too much in it's low budgetness - and it just isn't funny enough, or well-acted enough, or compelling enough to get over the fact that it's just plain bad. I know low-budget/Troma-inspired films like this are an acquired taste, and seem to be very hit or miss depending on the viewer. This one was a miss for me.

Ninja Zombies is about a nerd named Dameon - you know he's a nerd right of the bat because he's got an anime poster up in his room, a Serenity DVD under his alarm clock, and he hosts a (terrible) youtube show where him and his nerdy friend debate nerdy stuff. Nerd. Anyways, he starts having terrible nightmares about some ninja stuff, and comes to find out that he is a part of a long line of protectors of a magic sword (I'm ad-libbing here). A sword that some ancient/immortal Ninja warlord wants to steal. Apparently, the sword just been hanging out in his basement for several years - it's just now that's he's turned 25 that he has (magically?) received a scroll telling him of his destiny: to protect the sword from the Ninja warlord.

July 30th, 2015 - Botched (2007)

Botched is a pretty good/kind of strange mash up style film. While there's no crazy twist or anything like that, the main concept of the film is out there enough that I don't really feel like spoiling it. If you know how it's going to go, you'll probably miss out on a lot of what Botched has to offer. I mean, it isn't a must-see or anything, but it's pretty fun. So sorry if this entry is a little vague - I don't want to be a party pooper.

Botched stars Stephen Dorff as Ritchie, a thief who is somehow in debt to the Russian Mafia. The film kicks off with a decent set piece where a big job he's a part of is flubbed, through no fault of his own. But the Russian Mafia is not known for their forgiveness, so to make up for this botched (see!) job he is assigned an even more dangerous task. He has to go to Moscow and steal a priceless heirloom from a wealthy family in the penthouse of a large (and well protected) building. Even worse, he's teamed up with two inept strangers to pull it off... a hothead wannabe big shot and his easily frightened brother. The big job doesn't go as planned, and the trio ends up with a group of hostages, stranded on a mysteriously unmarked floor in the building. And then some horror movie stuff happens... I'll leave it at that.

July 3rd, 2015 - Zombeavers (2014)

I guess Zombeavers is the kind of movie that you know going in if you have a chance of liking it or not. I mean, a title (and subsequent premise) that stupid automatically eliminates a good section of the potential audience. And what with intentionally bad movie mash-up titles (I'm looking at you, Sharknado), I can't blame them. But Zombeavers isn't intentionally bad - it's actually pretty good. Sure, it's stupid and sophomoric - but the entertainment value comes from it actually being funny/entertaining, rather than constantly winking at the screen being all like "we're in on the joke too." It just doesn't feel cynical like so many SyFy movie-of-the-week entries - you get the idea that co-writer/director Jordan Rubin didn't set out to make a "bad" movie, he set out to make a "fun movie" that just happens to share some elements with many bad ones. Zombeavers is the right kind of stupid, and I had a lot of fun with it.

It starts out with two truckers (comedian Bill Burr and an unrecognizable John Mayer) hauling some toxic waste around. They're joking back and forth (it's pretty funny), but then get distracted and hit a deer. This causes some waste to roll off their truck and land right by a beaver dam, which sets the whole shebang into motion. When I was in eighth grade, I was in a home-made movie with some of my buddies that started off very similarly, so I certainly appreciated the way the zombeaver menace began here.

May 21st, 2015 - Night of the Flesh Eaters (2008)

Occasionally, I'll end up watching movies in chunks. As much as I'd like to take in all of these films in one sitting, it's sometimes just not possible. (Damned work and sleep.) In the case of Night of the Flesh Eaters, I started it just after midnight on Thursday 5/21, watched about 50 minutes, and then went to bed. I watched the last half-hour after work that evening. Normally, I don't think splitting a movie does all that much - I can usually get back into the flow of things relatively easily. It's not the best way to do it, but you do what you gotta do.

That being said, I think it may be the best way to watch something like Night of the Flesh Eaters. It's a mostly fun but really dumb and poorly acted low-budget indie that has a good sense of humor about itself. But it also has kind of a one-joke feel to it, so splitting it in two chunks made it go down a little easier. Even though I liked the one-joke, it probably would have been difficult to sit through 80-minutes of it.

May 13th, 2015 - Kill Zombie! (2012)

Kill Zombie! is a fun-enough Dutch zom-com thats got a lot of energy and some decent laughs/gags. There is a lot of zombie gore - although the blood is green after a person is infected - but ultimately the zombies are a little too ineffective to ever really be terrifying. But still, as a zom-com it mostly works. Although the title still throws me off - I keep reading it as an order to a zombie from its owner. Unless the idea is to do sequels with the same zany tone but with different monsters... the way this one ends is a pretty clear setup for Kill Vampire!

It's about an office drone named Aziz. His "dream girl" works along side of him, and after months of pining after her, she approaches him and asks him out on a date. This doesn't sit well with his jealous boss, who promptly fires Aziz. (It's easier to fire people in Amsterdam, I guess.) Aziz goes to hang out with his brother Mo - a big-talking goofball of a guy who is always cooking up a get rich quick scheme. They're at a party hosted by some rich guy (apparently there are a lot of Dutch celebrities in this thing - although the potential cameos were lost on me), and Mo accidentally causes a ruckus when he knocks out a supermodel with a volleyball. This causes rich guy's two bodyguards to chase after them, and shortly thereafter all four of them are in jail, hurling insults at each other from separate cells. And that's when the zombie shit goes down.

May 4th, 2015 - Wolfcop (2014)

Werewolves shooting guns. Who would have known that such a simple concept could be so great? It's one of those things that I didn't even realize I was missing from my life until it presented itself to me in Wolfcop. I guess I'm pretty easy to please. Unsurprisingly, Wolfcop is a pretty ridiculous movie that doesn't really reach for anything beyond the mashup promised in the title. Not that you'd expect it to. But it's made with enough care and has a goofy enough sense of humor to be a winner in my book. Also, it's the perfect length - Wolfcop knows what it is and doesn't overstay its welcome at a scant seventy-some minutes.

Our titular wolfcop is Lou Garou (Leo Fafard). Garou starts out as drunkcop - as in the kind with a permanent five o'clock shadow who brings a fifth with him everywhere he goes and unabashedly drinks from it at crime scenes. The small town police force he's a part of (a captain, Garou, and the overachieving Tina) are getting geared up for the annual "drink n' shoot." This event sees the townies get wasted and go hunting for a regional mythical beast out in the woods. Sounds safe, right? But there have been a series of vicious crimes lately, culminating in the murder (staged as an overdose) of a local politician. But when Garou goes to investigate another potential crime out in the woods, he runs afoul of some satan-worshipping folk, and blacks out. When he awakens, he has a heightened sense of smell and hazy memories of a bloody (and hairy) evening the night before.

February 27th, 2015 - The Werewolf of Washington (1972)

Or the "Weerwolf" of Washington, since that's how it's said most of the time here. Even though Werewolf of Washington predates An American Werewolf in London by almost 10 years, it goes for the same horror/comedy vibe. I'm not sure why werewolf + place = horror/comedy, but whatever. Werewolf of Washington is only vaguely funny and is not scary at all - it's just a little too goofy for it's own good. It's a little interesting in the respect that it got made at all (I have *no* idea who exactly the audience is supposed to be for this thing), but it's too ambling and unfocused to win you over.

It's about a DC journalist named Jack Whittier (Dean Stockwell!) who is in a relationship with the President's daughter. He wants out of the relationship with as little drama as possible, so he does the natural thing and asks for a transfer to Bulgaria. While he's there, the President decides he *must* have Jack on his team working with his press secretary. It's too good of an opportunity for Jack to pass up, so he plans to go back to DC. Unfortunately, on his way to the airport in Bulgaria, he runs across a group of nomads who make him crash his car - and one of them is a werewolf. He manages to fight and kill the manimal - apparently, it's a weak strain of lycanthropy. I like Dean Stockwell as an actor - I don't like him in a fight against a werewolf. But Jack is bitten during the scuffle, so is now cursed and turns into a killing machine every full moon.

February 21st, 2015 - Everyone Must Die! (2012)

Everyone Must Die is a little confusing at first. Okay, it's a lot confusing at first. You can tell right off the bat that it's a very indie production ("it looks like a home movie," my wife said), but it seems like it's trying to be serious. A masked killer, all in black, is chasing a bunch of people out of a house. It's just so poorly edited that you can't really tell what the hell is going on - is he actually killing people? He strangles a woman for like 3 seconds, but then I guess she's dead? Is the non-masked dude stabbing the killer or the woman? It's all very unclear. But then the "hero" gets out the lawn mower and runs the killer over, starting a trend of people dying off screen with blood flying up everywhere.

Later, the law gets involved, and you start to wonder how serious this is all supposed to be. The acting and dialogue is super cheesy, but that's just how these things go, right?  Then, the next batch of victims is four people camping, and you begin to realize that Everyone Must Die! is meant to be a joke. Sort of winking at the camera and saying "hey guys, we're making a stupid horror movie!" And as far as those sorts of things go... it still isn't very good - but it could be worse.

January 26th, 2015 - The Sleeping Car (1990)

Even though it may sound like a children's book about a tired old Buick, The Sleeping Car is actually a pretty entertaining slice of pre-grunge cheese. I say pre-grunge, because even though it is technically 1990, it has a lot of 80's charm and style to it. And since the titular car refers to a train car, you know we're dealing with slightly outdated things anyways. But while The Sleeping Car is unintentionally entertaining at times, most of the times it is intentionally so. It leans hard on the comedy, and I guess your mileage will vary on how funny you find it. Most horror/comedy you come across nowadays depends to some degree on physical/gore-type humor, but the humor here is more character based. Specifically, our leading man Jason (David Naughton of American Werewolf in London fame) is all about super corny one-liners. And while they are often groaners, they are actually pretty funny most of the time. It's almost like a decent late 80s sitcom transposed onto a horror movie. If that idea doesn't repulse you, I think you might dig The Sleeping Car.

It doesn't hurt that it starts off with one of the best/worst opening sequences I've seen in a long time. A young man and woman are getting it on in a moving train (so you get lots of the requisite nudity out of the way right off the bat). It's intercut with some old man yelling maniacally for the kid (presumably - he's just yelling a last name). This goes on for about 2 minutes. Once the old man finally finds him, he speaks the first line of dialogue in the film: "Get your filthy fornicating ass back on watch!" (which sets the tone for a lot of ridiculous dialogue to come). The kid is all like "whatever old man, I'll stick with getting laid." Then there are some incoherent shots of trains at night, the old man screams, jumps off the train, and the train blows up! We learn later that two trains (supposedly) crashed, but the was it's shot/edited makes it completely incoherent. We're off to a good start!