July 17th, 2015 - It's Alive (1974)

You had me at killer mutant baby.

July 3rd, 2015 - Zombeavers (2014)

I guess Zombeavers is the kind of movie that you know going in if you have a chance of liking it or not. I mean, a title (and subsequent premise) that stupid automatically eliminates a good section of the potential audience. And what with intentionally bad movie mash-up titles (I'm looking at you, Sharknado), I can't blame them. But Zombeavers isn't intentionally bad - it's actually pretty good. Sure, it's stupid and sophomoric - but the entertainment value comes from it actually being funny/entertaining, rather than constantly winking at the screen being all like "we're in on the joke too." It just doesn't feel cynical like so many SyFy movie-of-the-week entries - you get the idea that co-writer/director Jordan Rubin didn't set out to make a "bad" movie, he set out to make a "fun movie" that just happens to share some elements with many bad ones. Zombeavers is the right kind of stupid, and I had a lot of fun with it.

It starts out with two truckers (comedian Bill Burr and an unrecognizable John Mayer) hauling some toxic waste around. They're joking back and forth (it's pretty funny), but then get distracted and hit a deer. This causes some waste to roll off their truck and land right by a beaver dam, which sets the whole shebang into motion. When I was in eighth grade, I was in a home-made movie with some of my buddies that started off very similarly, so I certainly appreciated the way the zombeaver menace began here.

January 13th, 2015 - I am Omega (2007)

As a somewhat seasoned movie watcher, nothing quite strikes fear into my hear like reading the words "The Asylum Presents" in the opening credits. With I am Omega, the production company behind such mockbusters as Paranormal Entity, Transmorphers and The Terminators are up to their old tricks, trying to work their brand of "magic" by reimagining/ripping off the 2007 Will Smith hit I am Legend.

Admission - I haven't seen the original Legend. I just know that it's a "last-man-on-earth-versus-zombie/vampire"thing. I am Omega borrows from that basic plot, and starts off as a one man show. But eventually (I would guess because they ran out of things for him to do alone, and also to get the film to feature length), they throw in some other survivors. So it's more of a "a-few-people-left-on-earth-versus-zombie/mutant" thing.

December 21st, 2014 - Neon Maniacs (1986)

Neon Maniacs is one of those 80's flicks that is kind of underwhelming but is weird enough to be enjoyable. Watching it, I would have assumed that it was a straight to VHS deal, although I'm seeing release dates on imdb, so who knows. It doesn't help (or totally helps, depending on your appreciation for this sort of stuff) that it feels like a sequel to a movie that was never produced - or at the very least it's missing an act or a reel or something. There are some pretty big gaps in the plot - especially as it pertains to the titular maniacs (who are definitely not neon in any way, shape, or form). You see, we never figure out just what they are. There is an unhelpful voiceover in the very opening of the film, which is basically just saying "beware of the neon maniacs." Then, this weird book is found by a random guy, and underneath the book is a bunch of trading cards with pictures of these humanoid mutant things dressed as various characters (a samurai, and old knight, etc.). It turns out these are artist renderings of the maniacs that we see a bit later in the film. The guy is anonymously murdered with an ax, and then the cards (I guess) come to life?

October 13th, 2014 - C.H.U.D. (1984)

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.  I'm not spoiling anything.  It's right there on the poster.  So based on that you should have a decent idea of what this one is about.  There has been an uptick in unsolved murders and missing person reports in New York City (the old, dirty one I only see anymore in 80's movies).   The evidence suggests that someone - or something - living under the streets is responsible.

John Heard plays a George Shepard, a photographer who is fed up with advertising shoots and "trying to make a difference" with his photo-journalism.  He is in the middle of a project where he is photographing an extensive community of homeless people living in the sewer systems of NYC.  Daniel Stern plays "The Reverend" - an ex-con who has changed his ways and now runs a soup kitchen for the homeless.  And Christopher Curry plays Bosch - a NYPD captain who has a personal stake in the case, as his wife is one of the persons gone missing.  They must work together to figure out what is going on under the streets, taking on City Hall and "The Man" in the process.