September 4th, 2015 - Ninja Zombies (2011)


From the time I purchased this DVD (for $1.50 - big ups to Family Video in Worthington, MN!) until the moment the title screen came up, I *swore* this thing was "Ninja vs. Zombies." Which would have been an entirely different - and probably better - film. I was hoping for some nice solid ninja action; maybe some well choreographed splatter and some decent fight scenes. But nope, we've got Ninja Zombies: a really cheap-looking and amateurish "bromaction horror comedy" (their term, not mine) that isn't as clever as it thinks it is. I mean, Lloyd Kaufman is involved in an extended cameo, so I guess cheapness shouldn't be a surprise. In fact his pull quote on the DVD box - "better than Avatar" - is literally my favorite thing about the film. Ninja Zombies wallows a little too much in it's low budgetness - and it just isn't funny enough, or well-acted enough, or compelling enough to get over the fact that it's just plain bad. I know low-budget/Troma-inspired films like this are an acquired taste, and seem to be very hit or miss depending on the viewer. This one was a miss for me.

Ninja Zombies is about a nerd named Dameon - you know he's a nerd right of the bat because he's got an anime poster up in his room, a Serenity DVD under his alarm clock, and he hosts a (terrible) youtube show where him and his nerdy friend debate nerdy stuff. Nerd. Anyways, he starts having terrible nightmares about some ninja stuff, and comes to find out that he is a part of a long line of protectors of a magic sword (I'm ad-libbing here). A sword that some ancient/immortal Ninja warlord wants to steal. Apparently, the sword just been hanging out in his basement for several years - it's just now that's he's turned 25 that he has (magically?) received a scroll telling him of his destiny: to protect the sword from the Ninja warlord.

But the whole thing is just kind of stupid, because Dameon's gothy nerd tenant (Dameon's a landlord in a big house, I guess) steals the sword, and in an effort to reanimate her dead brother, brings back a "horde" of ninja zombie, which alerts the evil warlord to its whereabouts. So if Dameon just never knew about the sword and left it in the trunk in his basement, everything would be hunky-dory. But then there wouldn't be a movie.

Anyhow, now that the zombies are after the sword, Dameon and his misfit crew (his ultra nerd friend, the nerdy tenant, two dumb jock tenants, and the requisite sexy lady) are in for the fight of their lives and must fight off the horde of ninja zombies. Okay maybe just a couple of them. But, like most zombies, they bite people and they turn into (non-ninja) zombies. So really, it's Dameon and co. vs. Zombies, with a couple of Ninjas thrown in there. But Normal Zombies with a couple of Ninja Zombies Thrown in There would be a terrible title for a movie.

It's all pretty formulaic stuff. You get some weak (and heavily CGI assisted) gags, bad puns, and a lot of nerd humor that misses the mark. There's some of the inter-group tension you've come to expect from zombie flicks, and Dameon and his jock tenant make sort of an odd couple pairing where they comedically bounce off of each other. In theory, at least. The problem is that neither of them are good enough actors to really make it work - the whole schtick just feels forced. There's a little drama here and there (hence the "bromaction") but again - it doesn't feel natural in the least. And that stays true for most of the cast - no one really delivers their lines in a way that feels natural. At least Lloyd Kaufman (in a cameo as a kooky survivor) has a manic energy that's somewhat engaging.

And yeah, you don't watch a film called Ninja Zombies expecting quality acting or a good story - and I don't really hold that against the film. But when the juvenile humor and splatter misses the mark too, you're just not really left with anything to latch onto. When both the zom and the com fall flat, there's just not much you can do.

The film looks cheap, and the flashbacks have this terrible blurry effect on them that almost obscures the whole shot. The non-flashback stuff looks very by the book, but at least you can see what is going on. Overall, you at least get the idea that everyone involved in the film is trying, and probably even having fun. So it's hard to really hate it outright. Ninja Zombies is bad, but I think its heart is in the right place.

That doesn't make it worth watching though. But like I said, this low budget stuff can be really hit-or-miss - maybe it'll scratch you're "crappy, but fun" itch. Fair warning, if you decide to check it out - the box art (and title screen above) are way more polished than the rest of the film. I'm not really interested in keeping Ninja Zombies around, so if anyone wants my DVD, let me know.

I would   not recommend   this film.

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