November 28th, 2015 - The Pyramid (2013)

When a horror film is called The Pyramid, I think it's a generally safe to assume the plot of the film will involve people going into a pyramid, and things not going as planned. Like yesterday's The Pyramid, for example. But today's The Pyramid, despite suspiciously similar title artwork, is not about that. (Although in The Pyramid's defense, I think you are pretty much obligated to highlight the "A" if you are designing that title.) The actual pyramid here is a little knickknack. It's like a crappy version of the little puzzle thing from Hellraiser. And it unleashes pure evil, which is obviously problematic for whoever has it in their possession.

But this The Pyramid uses this framework to sort of have a connected anthology. It's four stories are about how this little knickknack affects the people who have it... how it magically uses them to do it's evil bidding. And maybe even take over the world! As much as a semi-sentient little toyshop pyramid can, anyways.

November 6th, 2015 - The House That Dripped Blood (1971)

Anthology alert! I've said it before - I'm just not too into anthologies. I just find it difficult to get into them. There's never any time to get into any given story. By the time you get to know the characters and really want to dig in... crazy twist/reveal, and then you're onto something else. I don't know if it's a symptom of watching a movie a day or what, but I have a hard time remembering them.

To wit - it's been less than a week since I watched The House That Dripped Blood (I'm running a little behind in my write-ups), and it's taken me a long time to remember even vague details about it. In the spirit of being computer-less (I sometimes write these up in a notebook - usually at a bar - before they make it into blogger), I'll try this without the crutch of the internet.

October 27th, 2015 - Tales from the Dark 1 (2013)

Tales from the Dark 1 is a kind of interesting anthology from Hong Kong. There isn't that much of a connecting thread running between the three stories - other than the fact that some people in them can see ghosts, and all three tales are mildly confusing. Each individual story works well enough on its own in a kind of Masters of Horror/long-short film way. And they are all on the longish side (about 40 minutes a pop), so as a whole the film tends to drag a bit. The stories never really go for jolting scares or crazy twists, so that was kind of refreshing. But there just wasn't much of anything that made me think these stories needed to be told together, you know?

September 26th, 2015 - Asylum (1972)

According to the Amazon blurb, Asylum is "widely regarded as one of the best horror anthology films ever made." I was not familiar with it, but I generally don't actively seek out anthologies. I haven't had a lot of luck with them; other than Creepshow I can't really even think of one that I've liked. But due to a wedding, I knew I had to watch something that could be watched in segments... so there you go.

And yeah, Asylum is pretty good. Probably a bit tame by today's standards, and it's a little more psychologically-based than I'd usually go for. But it's called and takes place in an Asylum, so I guess that makes sense.

The other thing about anthologies? They are either really hard or really easy to write about. I'm going to go the easy route and will spare you the details of each individual story. And essentially, because of the structure of the stories, a synopsis would serve double duty as a mild spoiler. Another good reason for me to be lazy.

June 25th, 2015 - V/H/S Viral

I've never understood the slashies in the V/H/S series. Video Home System works fine without them, and I've never known anyone to refer to VHS as anything but. Maybe it's a copyright thing, who knows? At any rate, the title of this film at least makes sense to the plot (as there are viral videos being passed about in the wraparound segments of the film), but I can think of a couple more apt titles. V/H/S: Absolute Shit or V/H/S: Franchise Killer would have made a lot more sense.

So yeah, I didn't like it - and this is coming from big fan of the first two films in the series. I mean, I've seen worse anthology films, but those were no budget/no effort numbers. To have this brand name pretty well established and then release such a big pile is just plain bad news. V/H/S Viral is bad enough that you actually feel embarrassed watching it - and it also pretty blatantly ignores what was set up in the first two films. (i.e that these are all found VHS tapes, and that they are found footage - the first story pretty much abandons that entirely in favor of a faux-documentary feel).

May 7th, 2015 - Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)

I really wanted to like Tales from the Darkside. I watched Creepshow a while back and rather liked it, and while I was checking out some info on that film, I read that Darkside was a sort of spiritual sequel to the Creepshow series. Far more than Creepshow 3 anyways, which is not held in very high regard. And while I can kind of see some shared DNA between the two (Darkside definitely has some of that Weird Tales/comic-booky feel - at least as far as content goes), Darkside is just not as well made. The effects are worse, it just feels kind of cheap, and there isn't enough of the playful vibe that made Creepshow so enjoyable. It's never mean-spirited per se, it's just kind of dull.

Our wrap around story is about a young boy who is about to be cooked for dinner for some sort of evil dinner party. He's being kept in a dungeon/cell hidden in a woman's (Deborah Harry!) pantry, and to keep him busy while she preps the rest of the meal, she's given him a book of stories. While she readies the oven, he tries to stall her by reading three tales from the book.

April 11th, 2015 - Creepshow (1982)

It's sad but true... I've never seen Creepshow until today. It's one of those movies that I've just never happened to sit down and watch, and despite the caliber of talent involved it's never been a priority for me. (In my defense, I thought it was a more traditional anthology and George Romero just directed one segment, not the whole shebang.) I was never exposed to the old horror comics of the 50s that Creepshow is a tribute to, so it just never seemed like anything I needed to see. But the algorithms at Netflix suggested it, and I have heard/read so much about it over the years, that I figured I had to check it out.

And I'm glad I did. It's a pretty breezy two hours with 5 stories and a wrap-around featuring Tom Atkins (I love that guy). Nothing in it is going to blow your mind - the effects are okay (gross, but in a fun way) and the stories are relatively simple, although I'd guess that's by design. I'd have to imagine the old comics that Creepshow is a love letter to didn't exactly have labyrinthine plots either.

December 14th, 2014 - Road Hell (2011)

Avoid at all costs. I want to be done with thinking about Road Hell, and kind of want to stop this entry here. But the show must go on.

Road Hell is an anthology - our main wraparound story is about a bickering couple (an asshole business man and his pill-popping "Real Housewives of Jersey Shore"-esque wife) who end up in a hotel... imdb says a "horrific accident" led them there, but I thought maybe she had to go to the bathroom. Despite walking in on the super janky guy working at the front desk screwing an inflatable sheep, they decide to stay there. I reckon out of spite - for each other and for the audience. From this stupid, stupid set-up, they witness 3 tales of terror... one on the hotel TV, one that manifests in the middle of the room out of nowhere, and a third that I don't even care anymore.

October 30th, 2014 - Devil's Messenger (1961)

Devil's Messenger is a short, sweet, and cheap little anthology from my 50 Tales of Terror budget set. I've always liked the idea of the horror anthology - some ideas are really not meant for full length feature films.  And even if a story is terrible, it doesn't stick around long enough to be too offensive.  Although if it's all terrible, anthologies can be even more of a slog than just a regular movie.  Luckily, Devil's Messenger avoids being all terrible - really only one of the three is outright bad.

The framing device is actually my favorite part of this one.  It starts at the Gates of Hell (or more like, Low-budget-Hell - I think the rocks in the back are just blankets tossed over a frame of some sort), where Lon Chaney Jr. is collecting a paycheck playing the gatekeeper of Hell.  I'm not up on my Christian mythology, but does St. Peter have an *eeeeevil* counter part?  But basically, he's just checking names and sending people to a bottomless pit, where actual (i.e. more expensive looking) Hell is hidden away from us, the viewer.