I can't possibly sum up the story or tone of Chopping Mall any better than the back of the box (I watched this on an old VHS I bought many years ago from a Video Update going-out-of-business sale):
Some people will kill for a bargain... and at the Park Plaza Mall, they do! Here, you can shop till you drop... dead!
High tech robots equipped with state-of-the-art security devices have been recruited as the new mechanical "night watchmen" for the Park Plaza Mall. When a jolting bolt of lightning short circuits the main computer control, the robots turn into "killbots"... on the loose after unsuspecting shoppers! Four couples are trying to make it after-hours in a mattress store. They make it alright - in the morgue!
At Park Plaza, you can save on everything but your life! [a bunch of people in the movie] (the stars) slash their prices and their customers!
So, it sounds cheesy. And it is. It's fun for a while, and there are a couple of surprising laugh-out-loud moments, but ultimately it was just kind of boring. It's pretty harmless and is really short (77 minutes) so I'm not totally bummed that I watched it - I was just hoping it would be a lot better.
Like the box says, four couples are hanging around in the mall after hours - three of the dudes work in a furniture store. There is a super horny couple, 2 moderately horny couples, and one geek and his blind date. By the end of the party they are both horny too. Unfortunately, before they can consummate their new relationship, a lighting bolt hits the mall and the new security robots go haywire. The mall goes into total lockdown - there are some huge metal doors that will not allow anyone in or out until mall opening the next morning. Why anyone thought this would be good idea is beyond me. Will any of our partygoers live through this night of terror at the Chopping Mall?
My main issue was that the robots are pretty lame. In my head I had envisioned a bunch of different robots with different designs and specialties. What we actually get is 3 of the same robots - they roll around on these big tank treads and really don't seem like they could do an awful lot:
But, it turns out they can communicate with each other, shock you, and rip out your throat with these little claw things. Oh, and shoot lasers. That was probably the best part of the movie - and definitely one of the times I laughed the hardest. There's a little bit of cognitive dissonance here - these robots are very obviously lo-fi creations, meant to patrol the mall and maybe subdue a shoplifter with a little claw thing. But for some reason the designers saw fit to give them the power to shoot deadly lasers. And they are Very Deadly. Luckily for our heroes, the robots don't always have very good aim. But yeah, the easiest way to escape them seems like it would be to just go down a set of stairs.
The characters trapped in the mall are really nothing special. Most notable is John Terlesky as Mike - he plays the doofus-horny-jock type about as well as I've ever seen. It's like he's tapped into the perfect storm of a cheesy movie, cheesy look, in just the right era of cheesiness. And Barbara Crampton (from Re-Animator and From Beyond) is there too. But other than the doofus there isn't much going on with these kids - they are just there to run away from the robots.
There are a couple of fun little things though. Dick Miller has a little cameo as a mall janitor - it's always fun to see him. It's a Corman-produced film (Julie, this time around), so there are lots of little Corman family touches throughout the film. They watch Attack of the Crab Monsters (directed by Roger) in the furniture store and eat at a restaurant with posters of Corman-produced movies on the wall. Who wouldn't want to be reminded of Galaxy of Terror while eating their pasta? Honestly though, I would eat there.
There is also a little bit Robocop-ish satire - it's hard to say if it's intentional or not, but I thought of Paul Verhoeven's 1987 classic a couple of times while watching Chopping Mall. It starts off with a commercial and a press conference for the security bots - all happy and corny and much like the commercials used (to a better effect) in Robocop. Also, our bots in Chopping Mall are programmed to say things like "Thank you, have a nice day" all robotically right after they commit some violent act - again, it's used comedically, just like Robocop. I'm not saying Verhoeven ripped anything off - it's just interesting.
And, in 1987 mall culture could support an entire store called House of Almonds. I got a kick out of that.
But a bunch of fun little things can't make up for the fact that this movie just isn't that exciting. I wasn't really digging any of the characters, and once the mall doors lock it's pretty much just chase/hid, chase/hide, chase/hide, etc. I really wanted to like it (and was hoping it would get a little extra boost in my eyes because we are right in the thick of the holiday shopping season, which I hate), but ultimately it was a let down.
I would not recommend this movie.
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