March 31st, 2015 - The Deadly Spawn (1983)

The Deadly Spawn is a monster movie in the vein of Evil Dead - made locally on an obviously low budget, but by people who are obviously passionate about what they are doing. I'd say Raimi was more interested in the craft of filmmaking, whereas the emphasis of The Deadly Spawn is crazy creature effects. (It's probably worth noting here that Spawn had 1/15 of the budget of Evil Dead though.) Sure, there are some rough edges here and there, but at the end of the day the clear affection for the creature feature shines through, and makes The Deadly Spawn a really fun and gory b-movie romp.

The story is about an alien that crash lands to Earth on a meteor a la the Blob. It's sort of a multi-headed fat worm thing with a ton of teeth, and it quickly starts its reign of terror by eating a couple of campers who go to check out the meteor. (At this point, just don't go anywhere near something that fell from space... it never turns out well.) It then makes its way to a house and climbs in the basement window, where it just kind of hangs out, eating whoever happens to come downstairs. It gets bigger and bigger every time it eats, so by the time we see it the thing is probably a full six feet tall and six feet wide. It can't move very well (I don't know if it has feet or even legs), but what it does have is deadly spawn - as it grows, it releases a bunch of little baby monsters. Some are the size of small snakes, and some get to be about cat sized. All with deadly teeth and an appetite, of course.

March 30th, 2015 - It Follows (2014)

For me, It Follows was another victim of being overhyped. I had heard so many good things about it in the weeks leading up to its release that it was probably impossible for it to live up to my expectations. I mean, I still thought it was a really well put-together and interesting film (and there's a lot more to chew on than the STD angle that you've probably heard about), but ultimately I was let down. And that's not the movie's fault - had I seen this as a random watch on DVD I'd probably be pretty damned pleased with myself right now. But that's the world we live in...

Presumably you know the story? Jay (Maika Monroe) is a young woman - maybe 19-20? Ages are never really discussed, but the group seems to be high-school aged and a little older. Jay has been on a few dates with this guy and has sex with him. It turns out he has passed on some sort of sexually transmitted curse to her. When you have it, you'll be followed by some strange evil presence that wants to kill you. It can take on a variety of looks (someone you know, or a total stranger), but it is always following you. And it can only walk, but sometimes it just stands there if that's scarier. No one who hasn't been cursed can see it, but if it catches up to you, you're dead. The only way you can get rid of it is to sleep with someone else and pass it on. But if that person is killed by it, it comes back for you. And so on, and so on.

So Jay has to first convince her friends that this is in fact happening to her, and then enlist their help to figure out just what is exactly going on. Is there anything she can do to get away from the titular it?

March 29th, 2015 - Devil Bat (1940)

How you feel about two things will basically determine whether you enjoy The Devil Bat or not. They are (1) Bela Lugosi, and (2) big stupid bat puppets. I happen to be a big fan of both, so found The Devil Bat quite enjoyable.

Lugoisi stars as Dr. Carruthers, a scientist developing chemicals for a cosmetics company (perfumes, lotions, and the like). Unbeknownst to his employers, he performs "weird, terrifying experiments in his hidden laboratory." The experiments are mostly bat-based. Through glandular manipulation via electric shock, he can make a bat as large as a giant bird! Not only that, but he's trained the giant bat to kill whatever is wearing a particular scent he has created. You see, Dr. Carruthers is very bitter that the owners of the company (the Heath family) have made millions off of his hard work - he was offered a percentage of the company early on, but took a cash payout instead. So he gets his revenge by getting members of the Heath family to try out his new "shaving lotion" - which happens to contain the deadly scent that drives the giant bat into a murderous frenzy.

March 28th, 2015 - A Cat in the Brain (1990)

Another Lucio Fulci jam... I've come across people saying this is his masterpiece? The Italian trailer says something along the lines of (I think - I don't know Italian - but I inferred) 'what Hitchcock created, Fulci perfects." That's a bit of hyperbole, right there. But A Cat in the Brain (I like that title more) is certainly a unique vision from the horror maestro. While there is a general framework to the story, it feels like a pretty free-wheeling film. It has that unique Italian craziness you've come to expect, but feels a bit more unstructured. Like it's mostly an excuse to get a bunch of kills onscreen - and also for Fulci to take a crack at being a leading man.

The opening scene is pretty rad. Fulci is sitting at his desk writing, while the camera lingers above him and slowly zooms in on his head. You hear his voiceover, as he is writing in a notebook - just random ideas about violence:

a woman - hacked to death with an ax - her face cleaved in half
another strangled
yet another hanged
someone chopped to bits by a chainsaw
or drowned in boiling water

March 27th, 2015 - Kingdom Come (2014)

Kingdom Come starts off pretty stupidly with an obvious premise, slowly starts to win you over, and then pisses it all away at the end. So if you are judging things based on percentage of time that you kind of like the movie, Kingdom Come comes out on top with about a 65-35 cut. But that 35 percent is pretty goddamned aggravating. But, it's the sort of deal that is hard to complain about without spoiling, which I won't do. But buyer beware.

The opening credits roll over sounds of a car crash and footage of breaking glass. A man wakes up in a strange abandoned building with no recollection of how he got there. Eventually, he ends up with a big group of people (10 maybe? Including a young girl) - none of them have any idea where they are or what has brought them there. All of their efforts to escape are fruitless (they can't find any stairs, the halls seem to be an endless maze, and they cannot see the ground from the windows) - and when one guy sticks his arm out of the window he gets bitten by an unseen something. Individually, they start to have hallucinations about past events in their lives... bad past events.

March 26th, 2015 - Evil Brain From Outer Space (1965)

The Evil Brain from Outer Space is more of a science fiction film than horror.  But it's inclusion on the budget set 50 Tales of Terror makes it okay for my purposes. In spite of my insistence on going through all of the set, I'll skip ones that are obviously not horror (i.e Hands of Steel: "The industrialist hopes to continue his profitable, but environmentally unsafe practices, by sending his cyborg assassin to kill [a meddling ecologist]). But the description here includes: "the monstrous brain unleashes a horde of monsters upon the planet to spread disease and destruction..." So I was hoping it would be somewhat horrific. But not a lot of luck there - while there are some scary ideas/concepts in theory, the overall tone of the film seems to be more aimed towards entertaining children rather than thrilling adults.

Much like many MST3K episodes from Japan, Evil Brain seems to be patched together from episodes of a television show or something. Much of what passes for the plot is explained in a voiceover, and plot lines are introduced and then dropped shortly thereafter. My favorite? There are two kids that just seemingly vanish from the film, and later there are two random kids at the end that you have never been introduced to. Presumably this was taken care of over the course of the television series, but in the film version, it's just like they are trying to replace the kids without us noticing.

March 25th, 2015 - Hell (2011)

As someone who has never been a big fan of the sun - it's too bright! - I appreciated the central concept of Hell. For some reason (solar flares?), the sun freaks out and the temperature on earth goes up by 10 degrees celsius, since it's a German film. (About 50 degrees Fahrenheit.) It's sunny and hot enough to make it dangerous to go outside unexposed, and water has become extremely scarce. Most people have died, and social order has completely broken down. So really, it's a post-apocalyptic style flick, but the reason behind the apocalypse is a consistent threat. Although of course people are the *real* threat to the survivors, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, and since it's not America, no one really has guns, so that's cool.

And Hell is a pretty solid film. The story isn't radical by any means - it starts with three survivors in an old car, in search of ever dwindling supplies (water, food, gasoline). But it's the sort of story that is best discovered on your own. A synopsis won't do it any favors. And a lot of what works in Hell isn't the basic story - it's the little details. You see the ways that this solar disaster has affected people, and the clever ways in which they've responded. It's just kind of neat.

March 24th, 2015 - Animal (2014)

While there's a famous song called "Animal" by Def Leppard (it's not bad! okay - the verse kind of sucks, but the chorus is good stuff) - it's a little amazing that this is the first Animal horror movie. It's such an obvious title, just one step away from "Monster," or whatever. To be fair, we do have "Animals" - that's next for me, I guess.

But the topic at hand... Animal is such a simple, straight forward title, and our Animal is a simple, obvious monster movie - played straight with very little fuss. A group of teenagers are attacked in the woods by a blood-thirsty creature, and then chased and trapped in a house with three adults who were already cornered there. The titular animal stalks around the outside, bashing on the makeshift barricades, looking for a weak spot and hoping to make these folks its next meal. That's enough for a movie, right?

March 23rd, 2015 - End Call (2008)

End Call is about a group of teenage girls who manage to get the phone number of the Devil. According to the urban legend, if you call He'll grant your wishes, but your life will be shortened by the length of the call. So just hang up! But the Devil is tricky, and stays on the line, racking up the charges on your phone bill up to $15,000.00! So you may get your wish, but you'll have to pay for it. And also, since it's the Devil, rather than shorten your life by a few minutes he just makes you miserable and then kills you.

It's a rather far-fetched premise, but I think even the most outlandish concept can work if it's treated with either (1) respect and intelligence, or (2) humor and wit. Or if you just mask the craziness with a lot of crazy style/eye-popping visuals/etc. Unfortunately, End Call doesn't have any of those traits. The Devil isn't really a character here (I was hoping for a guy painted red sitting at a switchboard), just a shadowy, voiceless presence on the other end of the phone line. There are also a few other issues here. (1) It's a Japanese horror film, so it's possible that some things are lost in translation, and (2) it's about a group of teenage girls, so it skews younger anyways. It's got an awfully 'soapy' vibe for a horror film.

March 22nd, 2015 - The Rogue's Tavern (1936)

Just about as far on the opposite side of the spectrum from Martyrs as possible is The Rogue's Tavern. It's another 1930s "group of people in a house on a stormy night being murdered one by one" mystery from the 50 Tales of Terror budget set. And despite it's somewhat gloomy premise, it's still more of a comedy that anything else. There are some pretty serious flaws (mostly a *lot* of dead air), but it's pretty short and the comedy mostly works.

Wallace Ford (the annoying magician from One Frightened Night) stars as Jimmy Kelly, a detective desperate to get married to his (also detective) girlfriend Marjorie Burns (Barbara Pepper). Why they are in such a hurry is never made clear. A clerk at the first place they try tells them they have to leave the state to do it fast, but he can get a justice of the peace to meet them at a hotel/tavern just across the border. Meanwhile, a group of shady folks ("rogues," you might say) are meeting at the same hotel. They have all been called there by anonymous telegrams, but why? It's clear they have some shady background together, but just what is a mystery. When the rogues start to be killed one by one, it's up to Jimmy and Marjorie to get to the bottom of the mystery before it's too late!

March 21st, 2015 - Martyrs (2008)

Ah, Martyrs. I've heard a lot about this film, but was never sure if it was one I was going to see. It has quite a reputation for being a very difficult film to watch because of it's extremely intense scenes of torture... it's rated R-for "disturbing/severe aberrant behavior involving strong bloody violence, torture, child abuse and some nudity." Good thing there's no smoking in it, at least. And honestly, I saw the Unrated version, so whatever. At any rate, it's certainly not a film for the weak of heart - "extreme horror" is an apt description. It is quite disturbing - while it often gets bunched in with a lot of others in the "torture porn" genre, you could debate whether or not it really belongs there. It certainly tries to get a bit headier than your typical "I'm a crazy guy and I love torturing people!," so it's admirable in that respect. Whether it succeeds in getting out of that genre will depend entirely on your interpretation.

The DVD I watched had a nice little introduction to the film from writer-director Pascal Laugier in which he's kind of coyly apologetic about making it. He says "I'm not sure you made the right decision [about watching it]" and "sometimes I hate myself for having done such a flick - sometimes I'm very proud of it. I consider it an act of freedom." Laugier basically implores people to forget about what they've read - to go into it with an open mind and experience it as virginally as possible. He thinks of Martyrs as a strong cinematic experience - and like it or not, you will probably have a strong reaction.

March 20th, 2015 - The Hand of Night (1968)

The credits for The Hand of Night got me really excited. Over a plain black background you get some awesome colored-smoke, crazy lights, skeleton props, and cheesy/awesome fake bats that fly at the camera. It's sweet! And it seems to promise a fun time... I was expecting wackiness, vampires, cheesy effects, hammy acting - all with a groovy late 60s British sheen. It seemed like a perfect late-night watch for me. So I was a little disappointed that it's played a little more straight - you've technically got a vampire and a cult, but it never gets as crazy as the credits would lead you to believe. And it's a little more dramatic too - our lead character is overcoming a pretty serious tragedy. But all that aside, it does have a certain charm that made it a decent watch. (Also, re: the credits - it's the first time I've ever seen a producer get top-billing over the director... curious.)

Our story focuses on Paul Carver (William Sylvester), a man traveling to Morocco - I think he's going there to see a doctor/hypnotist to help him forget the tragic accident that killed his wife and two children. But on the plane, he starts having crazy nightmares, yelling and thrashing about in his seat - the man sitting next to him slaps him around until he wakes up. "Bad dreams are very disturbing. I hope I did not hurt you when I was slapping your face." That's nice... anyways, the slapper is an archeologist named Otto Gunther (Edward Underdown) - he's in Morocco on a dig and close to opening up a long undiscovered tomb. He invites Paul to visit him when he gets the chance.

March 19th, 2015 - Honeymoon (2014)

It almost seems a little cruel to set your horror movie during someone's honeymoon. I mean, traditionally, that's like one of the happiest times in a person's life, yeah? It feels a little below the belt, if you will. Also, the fact that there are generally only 2 people on a honeymoon makes the potential victim list rather small. But the setting works pretty well in Honeymoon. It's a pretty quiet, low key, and uneasy feeling film - but ultimately, it delivers. The honeymoon setting isn't vital to the story or anything, but it gives things a little more dramatic heft. Plus, it makes it a little easier for the audience to care for our main characters - as opposed to if it was just a trip or whatever.

Bea and Paul are the two newlyweds here. They go to Bea's family cabin, which is isolated way out in the woods. But everyone wants a little privacy on their honeymoon, right? It just makes getting help a little more difficult in the off chance something horrible should happen... Well, one night, Bea wanders out in the woods (or was she led there?), kind of sleepwalking or something. Paul finds her in a daze. After that, something is wrong with Bea - she seems to be forgetting things and just doesn't seem entirely present. But what could have happened out there in the woods?

There isn't really any need to go further than that. Honeymoon is a pretty well-made slow burn chiller, and I guess the less you know about it, the better.

March 18th, 2015 - The Face at the Window (1939)

The Face at the Window was made for all of those who "unashamedly enjoy either a shudder or a laugh at the heights of villainy." If you believe the text at the beginning of the film, that is. And I guess it's more or less true, as I enjoyed it - although I veered *way* more to the "good laugh" side of things. It's a pretty light-hearted, fun film (for one with multiple murders at least), highlighted by the over-the-top performance of Tod Slaughter as the villainous Chevalier Lucio del Gardo.

A rash of burglaries and murders has been happening around Paris, and a wolfman is being blamed. Everyone who has witnessed the murders sees a horrific face at the window, accompanied by a terrifying howl. Then a victim will turn up, stabbed in the back. The police are at a total loss and the city is living in fear.

March 17th, 2015 - Red Clover (2012)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! After missing out on my last day-specific opportunity (Friday the 13th), I was determined to make good on St. Patty's and find something appropriate. And I didn't want to watch any Leprechaun sequels... so I ended up with Red Clover. It apparently premiered on Syfy (eek!) as a part of a Leprechaun-themed marathon, under the title of Leprechaun's Revenge - probably to try and trick people into thinking they would be seeing some Warwick Davis action. And what kind of themed marathon would that be anyways? I don't think there are any other Leprechaun horror movies out there. So you're pretty much just watching a bunch of Leprechaun movies, topped off with an (unrelated, mind you) Red Clover.

Anyways, despite it's reputation of (a) premiering on SyFy, and (b) being a killer leprechaun movie, it's actually pretty good. It's cheesy at times, but overall it is quality b-movie fun. It's not going to blow anyone away, but certainly a worthy holiday watch. I'd watch this again over any of the Leprechaun films, for what it's worth.

March 16th, 2015 - The Dead (2010)

The Dead is another title that kept coming up in conversations about recent zombie movies that don't suck. There are just so damned many bad ones now. So it's nice to come across one that gives you something to chew on... in the tradition of the great zombie films, this is one that you can enjoy either as a gory free-for-all or for the political/sociological themes. But why not both?

It's a pretty straight forward story (the good ones usually are). After a brief opening scene featuring a couple of zombies meandering in the desert, we are thrust into a plane where a handful of Americans are attempting to get out of Africa, as a zombie virus has spread there and things are quickly spiraling out of control. (I suppose I don't really need to tell you how these things work...) They had to leave a little bit ahead of schedule, and unfortunately, the plane was not ready to fly and crashes into the ocean. Our only survivor is Brian Murphy (Rob Freeman), an Army engineer - he manages to get some of the supplies from the plane and arms himself with a pistol. He manages to evade the zombies and get to an old beaten up truck, which he fixes and drives off - I guess he figures being in a car is better than being on foot. Eventually, he crosses paths with Daniel Dembele (Prince David Oseia), a sergeant in the local army who has abandoned his post in hopes of finding his family. Together, they navigate the harsh African landscape (I'm not sure if they ever specifically mention a country), made even more harsh by the hordes of undead. 

March 15th. 2015 - The Bloody Judge (1970)

Well, I'm used to being misled by Amazon Prime, but I've never felt as misled by Netflix as I did when I watched The Bloody Judge. First off, there is this picture:

So it would be logical to assume that there is some sort of monster in this, right? I mean, you wouldn't put a clearly inhuman creature on the box art unless you delivered *something* monstrous, right? Well, that is not the case. Unless you count old-tymey British wigs as monstrous.

Then, there is the PG-rating. I've read quite a bit about director Jesus Franco - I've seen a couple of his films, but never anything with the sexploitation edge that he's probably most famous for. One would assume that the PG-rating would mean that there would be very little nudity, but nope! The Bloody Judge is way too harsh for a PG - full frontal nudity galore, and a particular fetish with torturing women in long, drawn out scenes. (Never mind the misogynist vibe that permeates the whole film, with lots of women in various torture devices and repeatedly being called "bitch", "slut," and "wench.") So if you assume that all PG-rated movies would be safe for family viewing, beware.

March 14th, 2015 - The Tunnel (2011)

The Tunnel is a pretty decent found footage/mockumentary flick. Its setting (the tunnels underneath Sydney, Australia) and its pretty strict adherence to a documentary style make it unique enough to stand out from the rest of the found footage pack.

It's about a news team who goes into the tunnels following what they think is a government cover up. Several years prior, government officials made some promises about refining the giant reservoirs of underground water sitting in the abandoned tunnels, and using it during a long drought. But the project never materialized, and reporter Natasha Warner wants to figure out why. There have long been rumors (denied by the government) that a community of homeless people are living down there. So Natasha and her crew of three (camera man, sound man, and her producer) grab their equipment, break into the tunnels, and start snooping around. And of course, things don't go as planned, and they encounter something much worse than they could have ever expected. The crew only have a limited amount of battery power (light) left, and the maps they have aren't making a lot of sense anymore...

March 13th, 2015 - Howling V: The Rebirth (1989)

First off, I just realized that I missed a golden opportunity to watch a Friday the 13th film for today's entry. I've seen all of the originals, but have been avoiding the 2009 remake and Freddy vs. Jason, because neither of them excite me at all. So my apologies to Mr. Voorhees... looks like I'll have to wait until November to do right by you. But I did watch a sequel from a franchise that was long past its expiration date - so that's kind of similar, right?

Although honestly, it's hard for me to call the Howling films a franchise. Other than being about werewolves, they have nothing to do with each other. They could all just have generic werewolf movie titles and no one would bat an eye. But the one constant about the sequels has been they've all been bad movies, ranging from quite bad (part 2) to really, really terrible (part 3). So my hopes were not high for Howling V: The Rebirth. And I ended up being pleasantly surprised how not bad it was. Don't get me wrong, it's not good, but it's probably the best of the Howling sequels, so that's something.

March 12th, 2015 - Legend of the Mummy (1998)

Alternatively known as Bram Stoker's Legend of the Mummy. Although if you read the reviews, many Stoker fans get kind of pissed at this movie, saying it's sullying his name. I haven't read the novel it's based on ("The Jewel of the Seven Stars"), but yeah - anyone associated with this film has been sullied to a certain extent. It's not very good by any stretch of the imagination - it's just a slow, boringly shot, periodically confusing film with no good characters or effects to distract you from how uninteresting it is.

It starts with old Dr. Winchester in his office - he's an Egyptologist, and his office and the rest of his lavish house is filled with ancient artifacts. He receives half of an old tablet in the mail, and pieces it together with the other half that he already had - presumably, he's been waiting to put the two pieces together for a long time. Just as he does that, there is some spooky whooshing and he is attacked by an unseen assailant, and goes into a coma.

March 11th, 2015 - Patrick (2013)

From the box art, I thought this was called Patrick: Evil Awakens. But apparently, it's just Patrick. Which makes more sense... Patrick - although he *is* evil, never really awakens in the film. Or he's never really asleep to begin with. More like in a coma, but still alive. So that's a little misleading. But this Patrick is a remake of 1978's Patrick, so maybe it's just an easy way of differentiating the two. I had heard some good things and loved Sharni Vinson in You're Next, so I had high hopes for this one. But while Patrick has some good performances and some nice visuals/set design, the script is kind of flat and ultimately doesn't have much excitement or anything new to offer.

I haven't seen the original, but from what I can gather it's pretty similar plot-wise. The titular Patrick is a coma patient in a kind of shady, isolated hospital - while there are a half-dozen other comatose patients there, Patrick seems to be the primary focus of Dr. Roget's (Charles Dance) extreme experiments. When one of the nurses goes missing (i.e. is killed in the opening - and probably my favorite - sequence), a new nurse named Kathy (Sharni Vinson) is hired. Kathy forms a connection with Patrick - he can seemingly communicate with her using little muscle movements in his mouth. But Dr. Roget is having none of it, and continues with his "treatment" of Patrick (which is basically just shocking the hell out of him). But Patrick begins to develop not only feelings for Kathy, but also telekinetic powers. Despite being bedridden and comatose, he uses his telekinetic abilities to try and remove the obstacles (i.e. people) keeping him and Kathy from being together.

March 10th, 2015 - Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1987)

I watched The Living Dead Girl a few weeks ago and enjoyed it. It was a solid, art-housey zombie flick that worked well for me. Shortly thereafter, in an unrelated search I came across Revenge of the Living Dead Girls. It turns out the two are completely unrelated - despite the similar title, Revenge has no pretensions of being artsy, or really being all that scary. It was promoted as being France's first gore film, and the gore aspect here is okay. Much of the promotional materials/reviews focus on the zombie-sexpots and the gratuitous 80s nudity, so if that's your thing you won't be terribly disappointed. But to really enjoy Revenge of the Living Dead Girls, you'd have to be a huge fan of being confused, because there is very little that makes sense here.

For the record, I was debating on just making this entry a list of unanswered questions - logic is not this movies strong suite. Sometimes, if the vibe of the film is right, being confusing can be kind of fun. You can just get lost in the story and/or the visuals and enjoy it. But Revenge of the Living Dead Girls just completely disregards any sort of rationality, and there isn't enough pizzazz in the proceedings to let you give it a pass. It doesn't look particularly good, the characters kind of suck, and it's rather boringly shot. Yes, there is plenty of gore and plenty of nudity. But you need *something* to hang your hat on, you know?

March 9th, 2015 - The Beast in the Cellar (1970)

Well, this was a rough one. I just kind of picked it at random... Can you be disappointed if you go into something with no expectations? If The Beast in the Cellar is any indication, yes, you can. It's not a a terribly made film or anything like that - it's just really, really, dull.

It actually starts out with some promise - there are a bunch of British soldiers doing some maneuvers out in the countryside. One soldier wanders a bit off track to a semi-isolated location, and is attacked by the titular Beast. (Or a cameraman. Basically, there are a bunch of growling noises, and the camera just kind of shakes around frantically, and the shot cuts to claw marks & blood, and the guy screams. And Repeat. This is acceptable for the first attack, but it's pretty much the exact same attack that we get three or four more times later in the film.) Shortly afterwards, we're treated to two cops on the scene - in classic British Movie Cop style, they both have this dry sense of humor as they try to guess what could have done this. Man? Animal? Manimal? They land on leopard, but they are wrong. I was actually looking forward to seeing more of these two. Alas, we cut away from them, and they are never seen again.

March 8th, 2015 - Strangler of the Swamp (1946)

Strangler of the Swamp (aka Strangler From the Swamp, a difference that Amazon considers vital enough to put in the actual title in their listing) is a pretty effective and moody old-timey chiller. From these modern eyes, the gender politics at play are annoyingly conservative at times, but other than that it's an enjoyable film that moves along nicely and has some creepy effects.

As you might guess, it's about a small town on the edge of the swamp that is cursed by a ghostly strangler. Several years prior to the events of the film, a man named George was accused of murder. Despite George insisting on his innocence and having no evidence against him other than the testimony of one man, a lynch mob brought George out to the swamp and hanged him for his crime. Several years later, many people who have ventured out into the swamp have been found strangled to death. Some in town credit it to superstition/bad luck (they just wandered into some vines shaped like a noose, or something), while others are sure that George is exacting his revenge from beyond the grave. Meanwhile, when the swamp ferryman is killed under mysterious circumstances, his granddaughter Maria moves in and takes his place. Maria catches the eye of Christian, the son of the most prominent businessman in town, and the two become romantically involved. But will the curse of the Strangler put a damper on their blooming relationship? Or does an even worse fate await them? Tune in to find out!

March 7th, 2015 - Murder Party (2007)

I guess there's always been the basic idea that the artistically inclined among us tend to be a little more unbalanced - that artists in whatever medium draw their inspiration from chaos in their own lives, be it internal (depression/mental illness) or external (troubled family life/upbringing). There's also the idea that art is always evolving, that people are always looking for new and unique ways to express their artistic side. Murder Party takes both of these ideas to their extremes, where a group of talented artists decide they want to host a party where they kill someone and somehow turn the act of murder into art.

Mild mannered (and seemingly lonely) Chris is ready to spend Halloween evening alone, when he stumbles across a mysterious invitation on the sidewalk, saying "You're invited to a Murder Party - come alone." He googles the address and ends up in a desolate, garage-y type area of New York City (I didn't know quiet areas of NYC existed), where he is welcomed by a half-dozen costumed hipsters hanging out in a warehouse. They welcome him with open arms... until they try to hit him with an ax. When that (comically) goes awry, they tie him up to a chair and reveal their plan... Chris is the guest of honor at the murder party! They are going to find a way to artistically murder him and impress Alex, the ultra pretentious party-goer who also happens to have access to hundreds of thousands of dollars in grant money. Shenanigans ensue.

March 6th, 2015 - The Island Monster (1954)

Shame on you, The Island Monster. If you have "Monster" in the title, as well as Boris Karloff as the star, you should probably at least attempt to be a horror movie. I was fooled last year by the Karloff-less Devil Monster (also on the 50 Tales of Terror budget set), and now this. I'll still count it, since it's on the set, but man. If this I was watching a really boring movie a day, this would qualify for sure though. What an uninteresting drag of a film.

The Island Monster is about a family man/narcotics officer named Mario Andreani (Renato Vicario) who is assigned to stop a drug-running operation on an island off the coast of Italy. So at least the "Island" part is accurate. He goes kind of undercover, and gets involved with a beautiful local singer, who is in on the drug business. (But she has a heart of gold, you see, because she wants to get out. Of course she does.) Karloff appears as a local philanthropist early in the film, but things are not as they seem... Andreani's annoying wife and annoying kid show up to visit him (thanks for ruining his cover!), and the smugglers kidnap the annoying kid. At least the family has a dog, so they aren't entirely hateable. As you can probably tell, The Island Monster is really more of a crime film than anything, and not a very good one at that.

March 5th, 2015 - Scarecrows (1988)

Scarecrows is a dumb but kind-of-fun actionish/slasherish hybrid from the late 80's. There isn't an awful lot to it story-wise, but it goes by pretty fast, there are a lot of guns, the scarecrows look cool, and the gore is halfway decent. Sometimes that's all you're looking for, right?

It starts off with a convenient radio news story, telling of a group of well-armed thieves who have stolen 3.5 million dollars, gunning down numerous Military Police in the process. They hijack a plane (piloted by a father/daughter flight team) and head south for Mexico. But their plans head south (ha!) when one of them decides his cut isn't enough - he wants it all! So he attaches a parachute to the money (and one to himself) and dips, attempting to blow up the plane in the process. It's a bad plan though, for a couple of reasons. (1) he doesn't kill anyone on the plane, and (2) he lands in a field where there just happens to be a bunch of killer scarecrows lurking about. Too bad for him. So the rest of the gang lands and tries to find the deserter and the money - but get a lot more than they bargained for: killer scarecrows. (I just like killer scarecrows, for some reason.)

March 4th, 2015 - The Black Sleep (1956)

For the longest time I had been passing this by on my Netflix queue, for some reason swearing it was called the Black Sheep. I guess I was always distracted by the disfigured face on the box art and my mind just went to what I knew. (And this is no joke. I've scrolled past it hundreds of times, wondering why a mid-nineties Chris Farley movie would steal the title. I've yet to see the killer Sheep flick from New Zealand.) But finally I bit, looking for something a little older that wouldn't seem to terrible to my non-horror watching wife should she walk in the room. But when I saw the amazing cast (starring Basil Rathbone, and featuring Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, and Tor Johnson) I was pretty stoked. And it's solid - surprisingly scary/troubling for a mid-50s film, even to these jaded 2015 eyes. Almost certainly better than a "Black Sheep" would have been, at least.

It starts off in 1872 with Dr. (not chef) Gordon Ramsay (Herbert Rudley), on the eve of his hanging for a murder he did not commit. His old instructor in medical school, Sir Joel Cadman (Basil Rathbone), stops by and sneaks in a "sedative" for Ramsay to take before the execution. He takes it the next morning, and dies before he can be executed. Or does he? The drug is Cadman's "Black Sleep" - it gives the user all outward appearances of being dead, but they can be revived if an antidote is given in the next 12 hours. Cadman has arranged to take Ramsay's body for a proper burial, but in fact takes his "dead" body back to his lab where he brings him back to life. Ramsay is very grateful, but it turns out Cadman has ulterior motive - he wants Ramsay to assist him in his medical research on the brain. He warns Ramsay that his experiments are a bit unorthodox, but Ramsay obliges, thankful to be alive and working with a brilliant doctor. But the research may be a *bit* more unorthodox than Ramsay was expecting. And a bit more illegal - really, you should probably be wary of any research that requires you to go through a secret passageway to get started. I won't go into it anymore, but it gets a little nasty.

March 3rd, 2015 - Hayride (2012)

For a little while, Hayride seemed like it could be heading into pleasant surprise territory. It's a low budget but okay-looking indie film (there are aspects of it that look very polished and professional, and parts that are amateurish), and it's got a charming cast and decent dialogue that could make it rise above the generic slasher pack. Unfortunately, Hayride doesn't deliver the promised horror goods and ultimately falls flat. (And yeah, a movie never "promises" anything, but when you say "A New Breed of Chainsaw Massacre" on the front - I think you owe the audience *something*.) And there are kills here - they are just really, really lame.

Abbreviated story? Sack-masked man kills people at a hayride.

March 2nd, 2015- Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Before Only Lovers Left Alive begins, Sony Pictures Classics was kind enough to mention that the film is rated-R for "Language and Brief Nudity." Hmmm - a vampire movie with no violence? How curious. And while Only Lovers Left Alive is not successful as a horror film (it doesn't care about that in the slightest), it is still a fascinating, great looking, and thought-provoking film. Storywise, it's a little scattershot, but I get the feeling that writer-director Jim Jarmusch is not so interested in the traditional vampire myth itself. Rather, he's using the vampiric qualities of eternal life, intelligence, and general coolness to explore topics that he's personally interested in (the power of Art and its role in our lives, the depressing state of humanity, and vintage clothes). Only Lovers Left Alive flirts with being overly pretentious at times, but overall it's a well made and unique film.

Our main characters are vampires Adam (Tom Hiddleston) and Eve (Tilda Swinton). They are a little less upper class than your typical screen vampire - they don't live in a lavish gothic castle with servants or anything. They look like a couple of neo-bohemians with a ton of money and a good hookup for vintage clothes. (The costume and set design in this film is fantastic.) Adam has taken up residence in the abandoned areas of Detroit (amongst the type of poverty where it looks like it's recovering from a bomb), and Eve lives overseas in Tangiers. The two are married - apparently happily so, but are just spending some time apart.

March 1st, 2015 - 5 Dolls for an August Moon (1970)

Honestly, I was a little confused by 5 Dolls for an August Moon. I'm used to being perplexed by Italian horror, but what I've seen director Mario Bava is usually a bit more straightforward than some of his peers. But it took me a little while to figure out what was going on here. The opening scene of a woman dancing around/laying down and gyrating was (ahem) entertaining, but then she gets fake sacrificed and everybody has a big laugh about it. Huh? I guess if they are just trying to confuse you - then job well done.

My first (and arguably biggest) hurdle was determining how these folks related to each other. There are four couples visiting this island (where the weather has made it impossible to leave), but it took me a good third of the movie to figure out who was with who. There aren't any major identifying characteristics to the characters, and the fact that some of them are kind of sleazy and trying to sleep around with people other than their spouses muddies the waters even more.