March 12th, 2015 - Legend of the Mummy (1998)


Alternatively known as Bram Stoker's Legend of the Mummy. Although if you read the reviews, many Stoker fans get kind of pissed at this movie, saying it's sullying his name. I haven't read the novel it's based on ("The Jewel of the Seven Stars"), but yeah - anyone associated with this film has been sullied to a certain extent. It's not very good by any stretch of the imagination - it's just a slow, boringly shot, periodically confusing film with no good characters or effects to distract you from how uninteresting it is.

It starts with old Dr. Winchester in his office - he's an Egyptologist, and his office and the rest of his lavish house is filled with ancient artifacts. He receives half of an old tablet in the mail, and pieces it together with the other half that he already had - presumably, he's been waiting to put the two pieces together for a long time. Just as he does that, there is some spooky whooshing and he is attacked by an unseen assailant, and goes into a coma.

Winchester's adult daughter Margaret is distraught - she had been sent away at age 7 and has only recently returned. And now her dad is in a coma with strange scratch marks all over him. He left Margaret some mysterious instructions on an audio tape - no hospitals, and two people must stay with him at all times. Luckily, he's super rich so he can afford in home health care and all that jazz. But Margaret suspects something weird is going on, so she calls on Robert, an old flame who happens to be an art historian specializing in ancient Egypt.

Robert and Margaret reach out to an old colleague of Dr. Winchester named John Corbeck (Louis Gossett Jr.!), who instantly knows that some sort of ancient curse/resurrection scheme in motion. The three of them try to save Dr. Winchester and figure out just what is going on. Also, interfering with things are the Winchester's sketchy driver, his head of security (who has a checkered past with Corbeck), and one or more (it isn't very clear) mummies.

The biggest issue with Legend of the Mummy is that it's just boring. It goes through the motions and tries to hit all of the right notes, but it's just uninspired - the characters (and actors) are mostly lifeless, and the mummy's curse doesn't really have any sort of method to its madness. Basically, it's like the telekinetic powers from yesterday's movie Patrick - it can just do whatever/whenever. Set some books on fire in an apartment across town? Sure? Make quicksand just happen in the basement? Why not? Electrocute Al from 'Tool Time' in a phone booth? You bet!

And I say this as a Richard Karn fan - it was nice to see him in Legend of the Mummy. He plays Robert's friend who is an expert on all things Egypt. He's kind of a goofball and is a little annoying at times, but he also brings a little energy to the role, which is welcome in an otherwise pretty boring movie. Plus, he totally gets laid, which is something I didn't think I would ever see happen. Also, Louis Gossett Jr. is all right - his level of commitment seems to change from scene to scene (as does his voice, although that could just be poor dubbing), but overall it's a step above what you might expect from a "for the paycheck only" role. No one else is notable though - and the leading man (Eric Lutes) and leading lady (Amy Locane) are pretty boring. Nobody really puts any punch into their line readings, and the whole thing just kind of sinks - if they don't care, why should we?

Also, things get needlessly confusing plot-wise. I wasn't entirely sure what our heroes were trying to accomplish in the end, or why. Plus, it's never clear how many mummies there are. There's definitely one lurking around in the basement, but then one also periodically appears from various hiding places. In one instance, a mummy wakes up from a sealed crate like a vampire rising from a coffin. You never see more than one in the same shot, but it's never made clear what exactly our our heroes are up against. And really, it doesn't matter because they are magic apparently, so it's not like they need to catch or strangle you to kill you.

The horror elements are also pretty underwhelming. There is one decent sequence with a mummy-child, but other than that there isn't anything that I can really remember (and I watched it 18 hours ago). The mummy (-ies?) look okay, but they don't really do anything. And the special effects are just a small step up from SyFy movie bad - particularly during the climactic ritual. And even though I love practical effects, there are still times when they can be horribly done. And this is one of those times.

The mummy film in general seems like it's a genre that could be rife with terribleness. You've got an easy to make, inexpensive monster that could be very attractive to filmmakers, but could be painful to watch if it's not coupled with a good story and good production design. I'm sure Legend of the Mummy isn't the worst mummy movie out there, but it's the worst one I've come across.

I would   not recommend   this film.

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