June 30th, 2015 - Macabre (1980)


Macabre is somehow kind of boring and kind of great at the same time. It's a mostly slow moving thriller that occasionally tests your patience, but when you look back at the whole shebang there's no doubt it works. It's got a sort of plodding but tension-filled feel to it - while there aren't any super tense scenes, there is just this underlying feeling that something terrible is going to happen. It's an interestingly structured film - the opening ten-fifteen minutes are pretty horrific, and then things slow down and stay that way until the last ten-fifteen minutes. But you spend most of the time feeling confident that the film will get back to the peak established earlier - it's just a matter of how (and when) it's going to get there. And ultimately, Macabre doesn't let you down.

It's hard to get into too much without spoiling that first part... and it works better if you go in cold. So if "moody early 80's Italian slow burn" is your thing, best ignore the rest of this. Also, it's the feature film debut of Lamberto Bava (Mario's son), who also directed Demons, Demons 2, and, uh... Devil Fish. Fair warning though - it's pretty straight-forward (i.e isn't as bugnuts as some of Bava's contemporaries) and doesn't have as much atmospheric moodiness as you might expect from a film with the Bava name attached to it.

June 29th, 2015 - Back to the Beyond (2011)


Even when judging by more lenient indie horror standards, Back to the Beyond is pretty rough to watch. It's greatest quality is that it is really short (about 66 minutes without credits), which was a great help for me today, as I was awfully tired. But "short" is not necessarily what you're looking for in a film.

The main plot/story isn't all that bad. It just fails in every other possible category. Bad sound, bad acting, bad music, bad effects... and again, you take these regional indies with a grain of salt... but Back to the Beyond is still borderline unacceptable. And while the idea of the story isn't too bad, it's not well executed and doesn't make up for the bad stuff.

June 28th, 2015 - The Thirsty Dead (1974)


The Thirsty Dead is a rather bland and inoffensive cult horror film. (As in, it's about a cult - there's nothing exciting or weird enough here to give it a passionate following.) Hearing that title, you could reasonably expect a zombie or even a vampire film, but what you get instead is an "isolated cult (kind of) kills people to become immortal" film. The story in and of itself isn't bad, but overall the whole endeavor is kind of cheap looking and hokey - it has a real TV-movie feel and never really succeeds in being scary or troubling. The Thirsty Dead is never really outright bad - it's just kind of there.

It's about four young women in Manilla who who are all kidnapped by strange dudes in monk robes. The four don't know each other, but they quickly become friends - I guess being kidnapped together can make you tight quickly. It's not an overly violent kidnapping, and their captors aren't abusive or anything - they just take them to this weird cave out in the mountain wilderness. The media in Manilla posits that there is a white slavery ring in operation, although the real reason is even more bizarre. The secret mountain hideaway is actually the home of a cult that practices a strange religion - they worship a semi-alive head in a red cube (?) and feed on the vitality (i.e. blood) of young women to gain immortality. They don't outright kill their victims - just a little slice on the neck to bleed them every now and again. But perhaps a fate even worse than death awaits our heroes...

June 27th, 2015 - The Gore Gore Girls (1972)


I really needed something like the The Gore Gore Girls today. After back to back days of truly awful movies, it was refreshing to get something that was fun - as fun as a film about a crazed murder who viciously mutilates his victims can be, anyways. But The Gore Gore Girls has this weird, almost wacky sense of humor thrown into the mix. It's no doubt a strange cocktail: a splattery detective tale featuring graphic gore mixed with campy comedy, along with a hefty dose of 70's style. It's certainly an acquired taste... but I dug it.

The Gore Gore Girls is clearly an exploitation film; not a surprise as the plot revolves around an assailant who murders strippers. So in addition to graphic mutilation scenes, you get a handful of striptease scenes too. Often inexplicably done to circus-esque big band music, but whatever. The Gore Gore Girls is old enough that the exploitation stuff to me was more often charming than shocking - the striptease scenes are never really that titillating, and the gore scenes, while graphic, are low-fi enough that they are usually more fun than truly disgusting. (There are a couple of exceptions where I winced a bit.) But according to imdb, it is rated X -  I don't know, to me it's a soft X. Still, buyer beware.

June 26th, 2015 - Rise of the Scarecrows (2009)


Watch out! We've got some Manos-style driving footage to go with our credits! Although at least Rise of the Scarecrows has the decency to put some credits over that footage. But that's about the best compliment I can offer Rise of the Scarecrows. When you can honestly say "I would rather watch Manos: The Hands of Fate" you know you've just seen a bad movie. At least Manos has Torgo.

I feel like I've watched and enjoyed enough ultra-indie fare that I'm willing to give obviously low-budgeted films a fair shake. I mean, just because something is shot with a consumer-grade video camera doesn't mean they don't have an interesting story to tell, right? Unfortunately, the story the filmmakers here have decided to tell is that "swearing is funny, domestic violence is funny, and fat scarecrows who *clearly* can't see out of their shitty sack-masks are scary." It would be an ugly, mean-spirited film if it weren't so poorly made. As it stands, it's just really bad.

June 25th, 2015 - V/H/S Viral


I've never understood the slashies in the V/H/S series. Video Home System works fine without them, and I've never known anyone to refer to VHS as anything but. Maybe it's a copyright thing, who knows? At any rate, the title of this film at least makes sense to the plot (as there are viral videos being passed about in the wraparound segments of the film), but I can think of a couple more apt titles. V/H/S: Absolute Shit or V/H/S: Franchise Killer would have made a lot more sense.

So yeah, I didn't like it - and this is coming from big fan of the first two films in the series. I mean, I've seen worse anthology films, but those were no budget/no effort numbers. To have this brand name pretty well established and then release such a big pile is just plain bad news. V/H/S Viral is bad enough that you actually feel embarrassed watching it - and it also pretty blatantly ignores what was set up in the first two films. (i.e that these are all found VHS tapes, and that they are found footage - the first story pretty much abandons that entirely in favor of a faux-documentary feel).

June 24th, 2015 - 13 Eerie (2013)


When you hear "Eerie" in a title, you think of ghosts and paranormal shenanigans. At least, if you think like me. What you do *not* think of is rage-zombie action. But that's what you get here. And 13 Eerie is a perfectly competent zombie film - it's got quality effects and a good basic premise. But ultimately there isn't really enough to make it stand out from the pack of "okay zombie films." So while it's still a cut above the bulk of zombie schlock out there, it's nothing I'll probably ever look back fondly on.

It does have an interesting set up though. It centers on a group of forensic science students, vying for an internship (or something). They've been brought out to an isolated abandoned prison by their professor, who has stashed three bodies out on the prison grounds. The students are broken up into three teams of two to go out and investigate the bodies, run some forensic tests, etc. It's kind of nice, because of the nature of the job, our group is not easily scared and is relatively smart. You get the chance to not only see some cool science stuff, but also the opportunity to get into some pretty nasty effects work.

June 23rd, 2015 - The Dungeon of Harrow (1962)


I wish I knew what The Dungeon of Harrow even means (note the apostrophe in the title shot - which makes it even *more* confusing). "Harrow" is a word I was not familiar with. As in "harrowing" perhaps? Dungeon of "sorrow" would have made sense. (And a good metal song.) And the Olde English font isn't easily legible. Maybe it was supposed to be something else? I looked it up, and apparently a harrow is an agricultural tool, like a big frame with a lot of spikes that you drag behind a tractor to till the soil. That is not in this movie. The film is actually about the Count de Sade - a last name I've only heard in the context of Marquis de Sade. Which I've always heard pronounced as "De Saad" (i.e. rhyming with "pod"). Here, it rhymes with "paid."

The fact that I spent most of my time thinking about these trivial things instead of thinking "I like watching this movie" should tell you how interesting it is.

June 22nd, 2015 - Horror Hotel (1960)


I rather liked Horror Hotel (aka The City of the Dead - which really doesn't make sense as it's not a zombie flick). While it's no classic, it's a fun enough diversion - it's got decent atmosphere, some solid surprises, and a little more teeth than I was expecting from a 1960 horror film. And also, it was the first time I've checked out a Christopher Lee film since his passing. It's not his most memorable role, but he proves once again that he elevates everything he's in.

Horror Hotel is about a college student named Nan Barlow (Venetia Stevenson). Nan is really into her witchcraft class taught by Professor Driscoll (Lee), and asks for his recommendation for a place she can go to study up on the topic for her senior thesis - you know, look over town records, interview descendants, and whatnot. Driscoll recommends Whitewood, a very small town in the Northeastern US known for it's history of witchcraft. (In fact, the opening scene of the film is a good old fashioned Whitewood witch burning from 1692, complete with a monotone "burn the witch" chant from the villagers.) Despite the protests of her boyfriend and brother, Nan goes to Whitewood alone - and yeah, it's pretty creepy. Even if you ignore the hitchhiker that she picks up that magically vanishes, she's gawked at by everyone in town and is warned by the old blind reverend to leave town immediately.

June 2nd, 2015 - City of Lust (2013)


The box for City of Lust (aka Yellow) claims that it's a "modern Giallo horror film" - but I don't know if that does the film any favors. It kind of sets a highish bar that it just doesn't need to. I really like giallos, and just name dropping it gives is kind of a "for us (horror fans), by us" attitude that sort of raised my expectations. (I mean, even knowing that the subgenre exists is something - is "giallo" even a known thing outside of horror or film circles?) I think I would have been into it more had I just known it's a "horror movie" and watched it unfold rather than (kind of) knowing what to expect. Also, I have always associated giallos with a kind of style and slickish production. Sadly, City of Lust doesn't have the budget for that. It's still pretty decent - especially for a small indie - but with the "giallo" attached I had hoped for something more. Oh well, at any rate it probably got more eyeballs on the film.

Arianna (Margaret Grace) is a young woman who has recently moved to Chicago. It's pretty clear that she's running away from *something*, and she's having a hard time getting used to life in the big city. It doesn't help that she's prone to strange anxiety attacks, where she'll see some bizarre, bloody visions and occasionally black out. Also, her nose bleeds a lot. She likes her job as a hair stylist, but works with horrible people, and doesn't have anyone she could really call a friend. But that all changes one night when Arianna decides to call a phone sex line (1-900-SEXCHAT - which I'm sure is a real number) and is enticed by Jackie's pre-recorded introduction: "I'm here for the same reason you are - to make a connection." Arianna becomes increasingly dependent on Jackie, talking to her for hours until she feels like she's found someone she can trust. Eventually, the two meet and start a romantic relationship. At the same time, some of the "problem people" in Arianna's life are being violently dispatched of. Coincidence? The cops - or rather, cop - is onto Arianna, but who is the guilty one?

June 1st, 2015 - Zombie Lake (1981)


Zombie Lake is not a very good movie. It is only occasionally interesting - every once in a while there is a disorienting, just plain "off" vibe that is intriguing. But mostly, it's pretty stagnant and unexciting. The gore is pretty weak, as is the story - not that it's incoherent. It just feels like there was the bare minimum of effort put in to even *tell* a story. And the zombie makeup is borderline unacceptable. (I don't know who you report crappy zombie makeup to, but consider yourself warned, Zombie Lake.) There is a surprising amount of nudity though (all female, of course). Maybe the idea was to try and distract you from its many faults? Which may or may not work, depending how you feel about that sort of thing.

The film is about about a lake with some zombies in it. They got there "during the war" when some French villagers ambushed and killed a half-dozen German soldiers. The villagers didn't want any other Germans rolling through and torching the place, so they decided to hide the bodies by tossing them into a nearby lake. And now, "ten years later," they're back. (I had this pegged as taking place in the 70's, what with the technology and the cars, but if you believe the film it must be the 50s.) There's no reason given for the zombies' return - no toxic waste dumping or weirdo cult stuff - they're just rising from their watery grave and killing people. Although the lake has a bad reputation (it's even known locally as the "Lake of the Damned") so it's unclear if this has been an issue before. Look, a lot of Zombie Lake is unclear, all right? You just have to roll with it.