Honestly, making a good horror movie about a mermaid seems like a nearly impossible task. Tonally, there is just too much baggage with the mythical creature to really make it work. I mean, if you call it something stupid and spoilery (like Killer Mermaid), no one is going to take it seriously. You're pretty much destined to be taken as camp silliness, regardless of your intent. On the flipside, if you shoot for serious tension/horror and keep the mermaid as a reveal, people will probably scoff. "A mermaid is your monster? Pfffft..." You can't win. But there are moments where Killer Mermaid seems to want to be taken seriously... but it just can't be done with that moniker strung around it's neck. And even though I wanted to like this thing, the whole "trying to be serious" thing kind of hampers it - it's too stupid to be taken seriously, but too well done to be stupid fun. It's stuck in this no-man's-land that it can't quite get out of.
It's about two American tourists who travel to the Mediterranean for some fun in the sun. The two aren't very well defined - Kelly (Kristina Klebe) is our obvious final girl, as she is more serious and scared of water. You see, her brother drowned when she was a kid. So an island vacation is the obvious choice for her. Her friend Lucy (Natalie Burn) used to date Alex, the guy they are visiting, and she wears really, really short shorts. We actually spend quite a bit of time trying to get to know these two before the mermaid shit hits the fan, but it's kind of amazing how little we actually learn. Lucy is bummed when she finds out Alex is engaged to be married to Yasmin, so there's a little drama there. When the four of them are bumming about town, they run into a friend of Yasmin's named Boban - he's the sexy, rugged type who wants to take the Americans on an adventure out to the mysterious abandoned island off the coast. A crusty old fisherman/harbinger tells them to stay away... that going there means certain doom. But of course, they ignore him, and head out to the island the next day. What do they find there? If you guessed "Killer Mermaid," step up and collect your prize.
But also creeping around the island is another crusty old fisherman type. He's actually more of a threat than the mermaid - while she is confined to the water, this guy stalks the island with his multi-pronged fishhook thing (it looks like a big grappling hook) and kills people, eventually cutting them up and feeding them to the mermaid. Good times!
Anyways, Killer Mermaid just didn't have all that much to offer. It never really figures out if it wants to be scary or campy, and ends up just kind of being there. It's admirable how seriously things are taken for a while - sure there are some jokes here and there amongst the college friends, but there isn't any lame jokes about the mermaid. Plus, you don't really see her until halfway through the film. If it wasn't called Killer Mermaid, you could easily think this is an island-based slasher - when they first see the mermaid, they basically think she's being held prisoner in an underground cell. Handled a little differently, the mermaid reveal could have been a solid WTF moment.
But instead, you know what's coming... and it doesn't help that the mermaid looks really, really shitty. You get some SyFy level CGI on the tail... so while you've got a beautiful woman on the top half, the tail is just terrible. It's a wise move on their part to keep it hidden until halfway through the film, as you've invested too much time into it to bail by that point. It's still kind of tempting though.
The highlight is the slasher-esque kills. There are all pretty samey - the evil crusty fisherman stabs them with his grappling hook thingy - but they are just this side of effective. Although there is a pretty solid head-severing that I liked. He's a killer who is committed to not only getting the head but also the spinal cord. I couldn't help but thinking "Sub Zero wins" when it was all said and done.
The performances are nothing noteworthy - I was interested in seeing Kristina Klebe as Kelly after seeing her play a really good unhinged person in Proxy, but she ends up being a pretty pedestrian heroine here. I guess Franco Nero (playing good guy crusty fisherman Niko) fares the best here - it's the kind of role where he can just be grizzled and scowl and grumble a lot, which he is obviously well suited for. It's not a big role, but it's fun while it lasts.
I just wish Killer Mermaid would have decided to be either (a) campy fun, or (b) super serious. There's definitely potential here, but looking back the film never really did anything interesting or fun with the concept. It seemed content to just kind of be there. Not too scary, not too tense, not too funny... I didn't necessarily expect anything more, but you can always hope.
I would not recommend this film.
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