July 31st, 2015 - Slithis (1978)


"Slithis" is just a bad sounding name for a monster. Like it's trying too hard to be frightening. "It's cool, because it sounds like a snake!" And technically, our big, gross looking man-in-suit monster isn't Slithis - that's the name of the radioactive goo that he spawned from. But it's a Frankenstein/Frankenstein's monster sort of thing.

Regardless of what you want to call him, I think he looks pretty cool - refreshingly old-school and foamy. (And incidentally *not* like the box art above.) BUT, he's only around for a total of five or so minutes, and the rest of the film is quite a drag. It's your typical "waste from a power plant creates a lake monster" tale, although Slithis doesn't just stick to the lake to go after his victims. There's a canal running through town where he can cover a lot of ground. And, he's not afraid to break into random people's houses (?) to kill them. So he's a little more fearsome than your average shark/monster/whatever... afraid of Jaws? Don't go swimming? Afraid of Slithis? T.S.

Anyways, the local cops are certain that it's some crazy prowler or wild animal that is viciously killing people, but local journalism teacher Wayne Connors (Alan Blanchard) and his wife Jeff (Judy Motulsky) are (somehow) certain that there's more to the story than that. Wayne uses his old journalistic connections to investigate - interviewing geneticists, homeless people, and offshore divers. Hopefully he can get the cops to see what's really going on and help him stop the evil Slithis.

So while the Slithis looks kind of cool:

like a mashup of Bane from Batman & Robin
and The Amazon from NES Pro Wrestling

the procedural aspects of the film are pretty boring. There are some colorful victims/witnesses here and there (in all their stereotypical late 70's glory), but mostly our hero's story just isn't all that interesting. I mean, we know what's going on, so seeing if he can solve the mystery just isn't a good hook. Especially when the investigation involves exciting things like mud samples.

The pacing of the film is not very good either. The monster attack scenes are very obviously telegraphed (i.e. you can tell when people are introduced that they are simply Slithis fodder), and while the attacks themselves are kind of good in a cheap, regional-horror way, they are certainly not worth sitting through the other 85 minutes of tedium (and casual racism) to get to.

After some brief internet research, including a damned funny review from Roger Ebert* - it appears as though Slithis did in fact get a theatrical release, at least regionally. But you wouldn't know it from looking at it. Other than a kind of cool looking latex monster, it looks like the kind of film that would go straight to video when the VCR became huge in the 80s. So in a way, Slithis is probably amongst the last of it's kind - a cheap, generic monster movie that still got a theatrical release.

But those looking for cheap, straight-to-video thrills will be disappointed. Slithis isn't good enough, or trashy enough... or anything enough to be worth sitting through.

I would   not recommend   this film.

*Ebert's review talks about the theater handing out Slithis Survival Kits, including information on how to become a member of the Slithis fan club. Which is weird... he's a vicious killer monster? Why would parents want their kids to be a fan of him? Incidentally, that ties into the little star on the bottom of the box art/poster, which says:

WARNING: You must have your Slithis Survival Kit to be admitted to the theatre showing the motion picture Slithis. Obtain them free from the cashier at the time you purchase your ticket. YOU MUST BE PROTECTED

So even though the movie kind of stinks, that brought a smile to my face.

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