Day two of the two-day It's Alive-Fest! Sadly, It's Alive! (note the punctuation), unlike It's Alive, does not feature a killer mutant baby. It instead relies on a nutty old man that kidnaps people to feed the titular it - a really, really, shitty looking creature that lives in a cavern in his back yard. The beast is not menacing in the least, looks totally goofy, and is hardly in the movie at all. Two scenes, and maybe a grand total of 30-45 seconds of screen time. Killer Mutant Baby wins the battle of the It's Alives and it's not even close. It's Alive! just pretty much sucks.
It starts with Asshole Businessman Norman and his wife Leilla on a road trip. They took a wrong turn somewhere and are on a desolate strip of road, about to run out of gas. They end up pulling over and asking a guy named Wayne (Tommy Kirk, who is the best thing about this movie) for gas. Wayne can't help him, but directs them to a big house up the road. They get there and are welcomed by Greely - an older, husky guy who is slightly odd but mostly nice... at first. Leilla's spider sense is all atinglin'- something about the house just seems off to her. But Norman, being a total dick and all, doesn't listen. And seriously, Norman just seems to have gotten married so he could constantly belittle his wife. Norman's assholery is so over the top that it gives Tommy Kirk's presence a run for its money as the best thing It's Alive! has to offer. Anyways, after putting on a nice guy act, Greely leads them down into a cell underground and traps them there. Eventually, a killer beast will eat them. And when Wayne comes around, he ends up getting tossed in there too. So the three of them spend most of the film trying to (a) avoid being eaten (which is surprisingly easy - It doesn't seem that hungry) and (b) escape from the cell. They may have an ally in Bella, Greely's clearly frightened maid/housekeeper - she's obviously terrified to be there, and may not even be there by choice. (Please note that this may not be the exact order of events, but it's the gist. Which is enough for It's Alive!, as far as I'm concerned.)
It's Alive! is just pretty rough to sit through. You know you're in for trouble when the opening scene is just footage shot from a car driving around - there are some serious Manos vibes going on here. It's really ugly looking, in more ways than one - the sets, the costumes, the camera work. But the worst thing about it is the terrible pacing. Just when things should be ramping up, the film stops dead in it's tracks to explain how the maid Bella ended up at Greely's house. You think it's just going to be a short little flashback, but it just goes on, and on, and on. My best guess is that this is where classic-schlock director Larry Buchanan decided he could best pad out the film to a preassigned running time (this is a TV movie, apparently). But cripes, is it bad - and mostly dialogue-free to boot. While things were never that exciting to begin with, most of the story at least had *some* forward momentum. But then it goes off the rails on this really long tangent, and any goodwill the film may have earned is destroyed.
The acting is about on par with everything else - not very good. I like Tommy Kirk, and I think he's trying here, but he just isn't given anything to do. The awesomely named Corveth Ousterhouse is enjoyably bad as Norman - his stilted delivery and constant bitching are probably the most memorable things about the film. And Bill Thurman just isn't that threatening as crazy guy Greely... plus he looks like the less charismatic brother of Jonathan Winters. For some reason, he seems like a guy *acting* crazy - it's not natural, you know? Plus, his crazy-guyness is pretty well neutered by the fact that (a) it's 1969, and (b) it's a TV movie. Other than some slaps, he tortures poor Bella by blowing a whistle in her face while she's asleep. Not exactly Hostel, you know?
Overall, it's just boring. There are probably good ways to tell this particular story, but It's Alive! certainly didn't find one. The only good thing? The monster is shitty enough to be worth a laugh (and looks suspiciously familiar - I wouldn't be surprised if he turned up in another Buchanan film) - but he's only around for less than a minute.
I would stay away from this film.
I normally don't do this (posting pictures of the big bad), but seriously:
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