Oh man. Knight Chills was really bad. Earlier this month, I think while watching The Bloody Dead, I wondered to myself why there wasn't more Knight-based horror movies. Knights in armor have certainly been used before in horror, but I don't recall seeing a modern movie (or even one in color) where Knight = killer. So when I saw knight mask on the cover art, I added it right to my watchlist (leave it to Amazon Prime to have this!) and hoped for the best.
Now, I don't have anything against micro-budget horror. I understand just how hard it is to make a movie - hell, even getting one completed is an accomplishment. I totally respect the filmmakers in that... respect. But man, you've got to throw me a bone here. There was just nothing about Knight Chills that was enjoyable.
It's a different set of rules for watching micro-budgeted films (this was at $20,000, imdb says). You know things aren't necessarily going to look great. You know the acting may not really be up to snuff. But if you've got a decent enough premise/story and enough enthusiasm, you can get over those shortfalls. But man, Knight Chills...
Fair warning: I know very little about RPGs (Role Playing Games). I'm certainly no hater (I like pro wrestling, which occupies a similar spot in the hierarchy of social acceptability), but don't have any first-hand experience with them. I know the basics, having known a couple people who were into them in junior high. Incidentally, it's *really* difficult to explain what an RPG is to someone who is completely ignorant of their existence. Just try to think of a succinct way to explain it that doesn't sound totally lame.
I mention this because Knight Chills centers around RPGs. Normally, I don't read reviews on imdb until I am done writing about a movie, but Knight Chills struck me as so bad that I had to take a look. There were a lot of "worst-movie" ever made types ("Naught Chills" - ha!) from the non-gamer crowd, although the gamer crowd was far more forgiving. So take that for what it's worth.
I guess if you like RPGs, the first half hour will be riveting. The majority of Act I is a fly-on-the-wall view of two RPG sessions. It's all taking place at Jack Nixon's house (Tim Jeffrey, looking startlingly like an older Jamie Kennedy) - a high school teacher who also acts as game master. The rest of the group is made up of a surprisingly diverse group of his former students - all in their late teens/early 20's. You've got the nerd, the stoner, the hot girl (stoner's willing girlfriend), the dumb-jock types, and the plain girl. I would think they would all be nerds? But maybe that's just a stereotype. The group members don't really even seem to be friends - the jock types pick on the nerd before the game, then the nerd gets pissed and tries to kill them in the game. Then there is some serious gamer-drama with lots of yelling. Which is maybe interesting if you are there and like RPGs, but not so much if you are watching film of it happening. Like in a movie.
The nerd John (I *swear* that was his name, but can't find it on imdb? And I'm not watching this again) is also obsessed with hot girl Brooke, and he awkwardly expresses his love for her in the guise of the game. Then Brooke has a real-life fight with her stoner boyfriend, and John professes his love IRL. Brooke rebuffs his advances, and a depressed John the nerd takes his own life in a car crash. Shortly thereafter, a mysterious knight - John's character in the game - shows up and starts murdering John's enemies. An random mugger with amazingly convenient timing attacks Brooke out of nowhere, and the knight defends her honor. Is the ghost of John to blame for the killings? Is Mr. Nixon (the game master) in cahoots with the killer? Can we get some hilariously wooden line readings? Is there a stupid twist at the end? (three out of four answer yes - I don't want to spoil which ones!)
What I liked
The car crash looked like it was probably real. And then they blew the car up. So there's that.
The mean jock-types make fun of John the nerd IRL, but then go as far to rip on him, in front of his mom, at his funeral! That's harsh.
Also, I really got to feel for Real Christmas Tree farmers because of Knight Chills. One of the characters works on a farm and sales are lagging, and we get a good rant on it. Fuck fake trees!
What I didn't like
I feel bad enough about what I've said so far. Ripping on a micro-budget movie like this is like picking on the super-nerdy kid in grade-school. You get a good feeling when you're doing it, but feel bad afterwards. At least if you have a soul.
But it's really not very good. I was hoping for "not-good" in an enjoyable way, but that didn't work for me either. Of course, I was watching this alone - if you were with a group maybe this could be some fun. There is some insanely bad acting if that's your thing, but I would still avoid it.
But: a warning. Even if you like cheap gore, you will not find it here. It's Rated R, according to Amazon, but I haven't the foggiest idea why. No gore, no nudity, the one instance of swearing I remember is silenced out. So even if you are looking for dumb sleazy fun, it's not to be found here. Plus - if Amazon is listening - why would you ever have the letterbox *and* the old TV-style cropping?
Ultimately
I would not recommend this film.
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