I had just assumed that 70s British horror was my thing. Up until now, I've pretty much enjoyed most of what I've come across. But after yesterday's misfire (The Beast Must Die) and now The Virgin Witch, I need to rethink my policies.
I mean, it's hard for me to really even call Virgin Witch a horror film. I'm pretty sure the main concern of the filmmakers was to get a lot of nudity onscreen - and in that respect, they succeed. But, despite being about a coven of witches, it's surprisingly tension-free and uninteresting. I mean, you can only watch women nude-model and bathe for so long - eventually you need something to happen. As it stands, Virgin Witch is more about the office politics of being in a coven of witches. And while that may actually be fertile ground for a story, what you get here is not well done and pretty boring.
Virgin Witch is about two sisters, Christine and Betty (real-life sisters Ann & Vicki Michelle). They are leaving their small-town home to move to the big city (London, in this case), and have dreams of being fashion models. Johnny, the guy that picks them up hitchhiking (who isn't too creepy and falls quickly in love with Betty) warns them about shady modeling agents in town. But apparently Christine doesn't listen, as she goes to the office of Sybil Waite - a sketchy agent who is supposedly trying to hire models, but is covertly recruiting for a coven of witches. And she's the high priestess of said coven. Oh, and since this is an exploitation film, Sybil is a lesbian and is attracted to Christine. Sybil tricks Christine to come out to a house in the country for a modeling job (don't worry, there's still some (creepy) nude modeling involved), but she's actually trying to get her in the coven. Betty comes along for the ride, but it doesn't take long for them to realize something weird is going on in the house...
So that seems like an okay set up, right? You assume Christine and Betty will be messed with by some evil witches and end up involved in some crazy situations with blood and maybe goat masks or something, yeah? Well, it doesn't really work out that way. It turns out the leader of the coven - not Sybil, some old guy - is insistent that they only practice "good magic." So while it still means he has creepy old guy sex with the initiate while everyone else dances around, it's never super evil. Plus, Christine is actually into witches and knows a lot about them (for some reason), and begs to be a part of the coven. So I don't know - cult movies are just never that scary when the person *wants* to be in the cult. It kind of takes away a lot of the potential for horror, you know? Which is important in a horror movie.
Anyways, what ends up happening is Christine wants to be the high priestess, and kind of ends up jostling for position with Sybil. So, the stakes are not really "our character's lives," it's more "who will be the high priestess." To be honest I don't care about that.
There is hardly anything here that could be considered scary. I mean, I guess you have naked people dancing around a couple having ritualistic sex, so I think you have to call it "horror," but it's never that scary or tense. Plus, you never really feel like anyone is in any danger - there is maybe one death in the film, and even that isn't totally clear. There are a couple of random people who silently approach Betty early on, and she freaks out. I guess there is a little mystery there. But again, scary? There is never really any blood and hardly any creepy visuals (save for naked people that you wouldn't normally see naked), and I'm not sure if the witches are even supposed to be evil.
I feel pretty confident that Virgin Witch is an exploitation/nudie film first and a horror film a distant second. It succeeds mostly in the first, and fails miserably in the second. As far as these sorts of things go, it's technically competent - it looks just fine and the way it's shot never takes away from the story. But the story kind of sucks, so... whatever.
I would not recommend this film.
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