I just want to chant it like I'm at a pro wrestling event... because this movie is pretty damned great. I'm always on the look out for "so-bad-they're-good" flicks. As I've said, I'm a huge fan of Tommy Wiseau's "best-worst movie" The Room. So when I read a review of Hellinger at chud.com - one of my top five killing time at work sites - comparing the performances in this to the performances in The Room I was determined to track it down. And when I saw the $9.99 price it was a no brainer - one highly recommended Hellraiser rip-off + one killer nun movie = one of the best purchases I've ever made. And I haven't even watched Holy Terror yet.
One of the things that makes The Room an absolute classic is that it (attempts to) take itself seriously - you get the idea that at least some of the cast thinks they're making a serious drama. That's the one thing that keeps Hellinger from being a home run. It acknowledges it's own cheapness/b-movie-ness occasionally - there are numerous Troma film references, and it's co-produced by Lloyd Kaufman. But still, if it's not a home-run, it's a triple - which some people think is the most exciting play in baseball.
Melissa has been stalked by Hellinger since she was a child. When she was young, Hellinger killed her father. He is sort of pinhead-esque demon - supposedly a priest that made a deal with the devil because he wanted to see heaven? Now he haunts Melissa because he is in love with her (because she called him using her dreams, I guess?) and kills people who want to harm her. And maybe take her with him? And he can only show up in the dark... who wouldn't be afraid this guy:
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| pro-tip: rhymes with "ginger" |
And while there is a lot of other awesomeness to be had - it is Hellinger that really takes this film to another level. I think he's only in three or four scenes, but his acting/delivery cannot be described - it really has to be experienced. It's almost like this constipated whiny yell, and it had me cracking up whenever he was on screen.
Anyways, the bulk of the story involves a grown up Melissa and her cousin Kendall, who is a total badass. Melissa's boyfriend is a member of a religious cult, and Kendall is helping out the cops with a series of murders that may or may not have anything to do with the cult. You'd think the cult and Hellinger may have some sort of relationship to each other... but nope! Just two separate plots that are vaguely intertwined at the end.
But picking up the slack when Hellinger is offscreen is my new main man Kendall - the motorcycle-riding, duster-wearing, body-tatooed badass. He's not as over the top as Hellinger, but the way the film presents him is great... he gets this bluesy-rock music that accompanies him wherever he goes, gives demonstrations on street fighting, and totally gets laid all the time.
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| Kendall - the baddest MF'er on the planet (note: that is a psychiatrist's office/living room) |
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| Kendall on the right, in his natural state About to lay the smackdown on the funniest movie pimp I've ever seen |
The only negative to this film is that there is a prolonged beating/rape-scene that just doesn't need to be there. It's crosses the line from "fun for all audiences" (a la Troll 2) to really only being for horror fans that can stomach that sort of thing. Although this scene goes on for so long and is so poorly staged/shot/etc. that it just sort of becomes surreal and more awkward than terrifying. When a director is in the editing room and decides that the rape scene would be the ideal place to pad the film, you can bet that some of the other filmmaking choices were not so great either.
But other than that, this is a stellar bad movie. It's got all the ingredients - convoluted story, bad sound, wooden delivery, and not one but two AMAZING characters. I've always said that you judge the quality of a movie by how long you think about it afterwards. Hellinger has been in my brain on a daily basis since I watched it a week ago, and it will definitely be on at my next bad movie night.
I would definitely recommend this film. If you're into that sort of thing.
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