February 6th, 2015 - Bigfoot Wars (2014)

Nope!

This movie sucks. I know that will come as a shock to a lot of you who expected a movie called Bigfoot Wars to reinvigorate the horror genre, but nope! It's really, really bad, and not in an entertaining way either.

I watched this the night prior to a big vacation, so maybe my mind wasn't totally in it. And it was in less than ideal circumstances - I bought a little portable DVD player so I could watch movies on the trip, and the sound is just *terrible*.  Trying to write about it now (more than 2 weeks later - the vacation threw me for a loop), I can't remember too much of anything. So sorry for the brevity of this entry. But here's what I've got:

General incompetence: Poorly made and shot (it looks really cheap, numerous continuity errors), with really bad editing. It's hard to tell what's going on in some of the "action" shots. Bad acting and not much of a story to speak of. The story is essentially "hey there are bigfoots - let's go get them!" - but they take a strange route to get there.

Bigfoot rape: This movie is based on the "best selling books series... by Eric S. Brown." If I was Eric S. Brown, I would not want my name attached to this pile. I am not familiar with the books, but I have to assume they are about bigfoot rape, because that's about all I got from Bigfoot Wars. They kill the men and abduct the women. (Maybe there was something about how all the Bigfoot women died out? I don't know, and I don't care.) I'm not sure why this is such a big thing in skeezy bigfoot movies... but whatever. You don't really ever see anything occur, but it's still unpleasant.

C. Thomas Howell and Judd Nelson: Are both in it. Judd Nelson is the most memorable (it's a low bar to clear) as a pill-popping doctor. C. Thomas Howell tweeted *before* the movie was released that people should not buy it, as it was ruined in post-production. Good times. Many of the other characters are really, really despicable, but not in a fun way.

Not much of a war: It's called Bigfoot Wars, but I don't know about the war part. There are a lot of bigfoots (they are sort of the lumbering, neanderthal type), but they are *not* fighting each other. According to the box, they are "declaring war upon [the] citizens" of the small town of Boggy Creek, but really they just go after the half-dozen or so people who are actively hunting them. So I'm not sure where the war comes in.

So, stay away! I am often tempted by bigfoot movies - and Bigfoot Wars is not going to change that. Even if they suck, there is usually *something* stupidly entertaining to hang your hat on. But Bigfoot Wars is simply not worth your time. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel sort of bad about watching shitty movies.

I would   definitely not recommend   this film.