January 7th, 2015 - Haunting of Cellblock 11 (2014)


Admission: I am into Ghost Hunting shows/movies. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Ghost Adventures crew specifically - back in my cable days, that was really the only non-sports thing I would watch. My DVR was filled with hours upon hours of the misadventures of Zak and friends. I was so happy for Aaron when he got promoted to "fellow investigator!"

But I think one of the things I like about the ghost hunting movies is that you're pretty much always going to see shit go down. In the TV shows, you maybe see a weird light, or hear some questionable voices or something. But in a movie, it's always going to be full-on apparitions that totally kill people. I also dig ghost hunting movies because they've got a built-in reason to be found footage, and I'm totally into that. So I was a little disappointed when I started Haunting of Cellblock 11. It's not found footage! But I figured it could be a unique angle - an easy way to change up the formula a little bit. Unfortunately, the formula doesn't really change. The traditionally shot footage is mostly just padding, and the scares are nothing you haven't seen before. It's never super terrible, but it's never really that good either.

It's about a the folks behind a ghost hunting show called "Ghost Sightings" - it must be hard to think of one that isn't already taken. They are being taken to task by their network producer (Dee Wallace - who isn't that good here) for having poor ratings. They need to find some ghosts, or else! They are contacted by a man who seems to be legitimately shaken - he has a property where they are certain to find good evidence of a haunting. They agree to help the man out, and double down on their show, bringing extra people, extra equipment, etc. It's do or die for the "Ghost Sightings" crew.

The crew (2 interns, the host Joel, his wife/producer Kate, their camera man Berger, and the psychic/sensitive Roger) go to an abandoned prison in an unnamed city. Apparently it's a FOR REAL abandoned prison that is rumored to be haunted in Jefferson City, Missouri. When they get there, one of the two interns is mysteriously slashed (by a ghost?) and the interns have to leave. Why did they even bother to have them in the movie? Anyways, they meet a man named Clive there (Peter Mayer), who was probably my favorite character in the movie - he's this no nonsense guy telling them about the prison and trying to talk them out of staying there. Clive gives us the whole backstory - about both the ghost that will try to kill them, as well as the doctor who performed horrific experiments on (and probably molested) the inmates. He also gets the best line when trying to convince them to not stay the night... "You folks in LA think we're just a bunch of dumb biscuits out here, but we're not in LA." Yes, I often feel like I'm treated like a dumb biscuit out here in flyover country myself.

So of course they stay, and of course the S. hits the F.

One of my first notes for Haunting of Cellblock 11 is "I have a bad feeling about this." The opening scene just feels... off? We first meet the crew while they are shooting an episode at a haunted pizza place. The acting in this scene isn't very good (opening the film with the weakest actor in the film is not a good idea), and it's the kind of movie where there is a fat guy - and guess what? He really likes food! It just didn't feel very real to me. But I've never been on a TV show set, so what do I know. The one (!) camera they have doesn't seem very professional, and the cameraman isn't good at actually shooting footage.

Once they get to the prison, the performances improve dramatically. Like I said, Clive is the man, and our leads Linara Washington (Kate) and Jeffery Johnson (Joel) are convincing enough as a married couple. There is a completely unnecessary dramatic element in the script regarding their ability to have kids, but they make the best of it. John Zderko (Roger) probably has the most "acting" to do, as he is the one who gets possessed once they get to the prison. He does just fine, as does Charly Koontz as Berger. But the script just doesn't really give any of them anything compelling to do, and the ghost activity just isn't all that scary. Also, there are some times where the script is just plain lazy - for some reason, the ghost hunters come in possession of a device that will eradicate all EMFs or something (thereby eliminating all paranormal activity). There is literally no reason for any ghost hunter to have this, unless it would come in handy later in the film. Which it does.

I liked the idea that they tried to do something a little different by doing a traditionally shot movie about ghost hunting. If you've ever been watching a found footage ghost hunting movie and wondered what the production meeting for their show must have looked like, then Haunting of Cellblock 11 has got you covered. But really, they don't do anything unique with this aspect of it. Once they get to the prison, the scares are set up in such a way that they would have been just as effective in "found" footage as it is in the traditionally-shot footage. And a lot of the the time, they go with the ghost hunter camera anyways!

The ghost special effects are not all that good either - and sometimes they are eye-rollingly bad. The main scary ghost thing kind of just looks like a clown, and he's less an apparition and more just out of focus. They (wisely) stay away from him and go the possession route, so they don't need to focus too much on the ghostly-side of things. Blacked-out eyes are a lot easier to accomplish than a full bodied ghost. The physical effects/gore are pretty good - there aren't an awful lot of them, but that aspect was well done.

Reading over this, I'm being kind of hard on Haunting of Cellblock 11. As far as these ghost hunting movies go, I've seen much worse (The Expedition and Episode 50 come to mind). But still there's hard to find much to get excited about here.

I would   not recommend   this film.

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