September 12th, 2015 - Roboshark (2015)

It should come as no surprise that Roboshark is really, really stupid. It's another in the long line of Syfy movie of the week mashup shark films - it's got some heavy competition up agains the Ghost Shark and Sand Sharks of the world. And it goes the Sharknado route of being a little too in-the-know about how stupid it is, dialogue along the lines of "This feels like one of those Syfy movies of the week!" and "This isn't a comedy... is it.?" That being said, it's hard to me to totally hate on a film featuring a billionaire computer developer named Bill Glates.

The story (as it were) goes like this: A (surprisingly decent-looking) alien spaceship shoots a little orb into the ocean, where a great white gobbles it up. It is immediately transformed into a (unsurprisingly crappy-looking) Roboshark - honestly, it looks like a cartoon. It then does what you would expect a roboshark to do - attacks a nuclear sub, and then goes into the waterways beneath Bulgaria - er, I mean, Seattle - to randomly pop up out of the ground and attack people.

April 9th, 2015 - Psycho Shark (2009)

You'd think a film called Psycho Shark (aka Jaws in Japan in its native country) would at the very least have some solid shark action. But sadly, you'd be mistaken. There's an ocean, and some underwater cameras, but maybe a total of ten seconds of shark "action" spread out over only two scenes, one of which is a dream. The later scene is a solid WTF moment, but it hardly makes the journey there worth it.  So what does Psycho Shark have to offer? Lots of recycled footage, a half-assed found footage angle, a super underdeveloped story about some sort of cult (I think?), and a lot of young women in bikinis ogled by the camera - kind of to the point where it's uncomfortable. But counterintuitively, there is zero nudity. And hardly a shark to be seen.

It's just a bad, bad movie. The story is not clearly explained, but from what I can gather: Two young women (Mai and Miki) go on a vacation on a very isolated section of the beach. No one else is really around besides the innkeeper (who lends them a video camera to "create some memories," - although the underlying message is "I will steal this and sell it to perverts") and this guy Kenji, who Mai gets a crush on. While Kenji and Mai are out doing their romantic thing, Miki finds a video tape of three other girls who also liked to videotape themselves frolicking in the ocean and zooming in on each other's breasts. So we get to watch the three friend footage while the main Miki/Mai/Kenji story unfolds. They sort of run parallel to each other, but don't worry - Psycho Shark does nothing interesting with it.