Hey yo! It's Manos! It's a bit weird to be using this for the blog, as I've kind of seen it many times. But only in riffed form. Maybe a half dozen times on MST3K, and twice on Rifftrax. This "real" version is more punishing, as you don't have the jokes or the buffers of the host segments. But I've never made it through the "real" version, and just like I wouldn't count a riffed movie as my movie for the day, it seems fair to use a movie that I've only seen riffed. So... Manos!
And this Manos is pretty special, because it's the recently released Blu-Ray, which was lovingly remastered in HD by Ben Solovey. Honestly, I don't really know how any of this stuff works... but this Manos looks great. Almost like a real movie at times! So many thanks to Mr. Solovey for his odd labor of love - you've made the world a better place, good sir.
Depending on who you talk to, it looks way better than it probably deserves to. Manos: The Hands of Fate is objectively a Very Bad Movie. In some circles, it's known as the Worst Movie of All Time. I would disagree, but it's certainly one of the most mainstream "worst movies ever." It's got all of the calling cards... low-to-no budget, horrible lighting, awkward editing, incompetent camera work, ENTIRELY dubbed over dialogue. But to its credit, it does have a story that you can vaguely follow. So that counts for something.
Mike and Margaret are on a road trip with their young daughter Debbie. They end up getting lost - I'm not sure if they are looking for the Valley Lodge, or just turn at the sign to ask for directions. But when they find a place to stop (certainly not the Valley Lodge - it's clearly just a house) they encounter Torgo. He "watches the place while the Master is away," dontcha know. I can't accurately describe Torgo - nor would I want to. He's a bizarre enough character that he has to be seen to be believed. But if I had to, I'd say he's this really awkward creeper, with a wispy beard and clad in filthy clothes, who talks and walks very slowly. Because of his huge knees. (?) He's kind of like a drunken prospector, I guess. And even though he's an oft-ridiculed character, you can't deny that he's SUPER memorable. He's the legitimate highlight of the film for me, no question. Anyways, Torgo can't give them directions (I'm not certain he even knows what century it is), but Mike kind of insists that they stay overnight. It's dark out, and... well... they just need to stay there, okay? Torgo is a bit wishy-washy, thinking "the Master won't approve." But the family stays... and bad things happen. Because the Master and his harem of wives, do not, in fact, approve.
I won't bother explaining the Master or his wives. You either (a) know about him and his rad acting, mustache, and robe, or (b) should discover the wonder of the Master for yourself. He's not as awesome as Torgo, but he's pretty damn cool.
So, Manos the viewing experience comes down to two facts: (1) It's really bad, and (2) it can be pretty fun to watch. Even riff-free, there are laugh-out-loud moments, and there's enough head-shaking WTF'ery to be enjoyable. It may take a healthy dose of patience, or at least a familiarity with the crappy movies of the era. Obviously, movies of the 60's are totally different than movies of today. But I'd argue that there's an even bigger difference between *bad* movies of the 60's and *bad* movies of today. You need to know going in that there is a lot of downtime and bland incompetence on display. If you don't find that charming, you may not enjoy your time with Manos. It's hard for me to imagine what it would be like to watch this for the first time without having the benefits of the riffs going around in your head. It could be really funny, or it could be extremely rough.
But yeah, it's S - L - O - W. Scenes are poorly thought out and go on for WAY too long. The characters are as one-dimensional as can be, the sets are drab and poorly lit, and they way it's shot is just dull. But I guess that's what you get when a fertilizer salesman makes a horror movie based on a bet. I'm glad Mr. Harold P. Warren did just that, because we have a truly one of a kind film here that is amazing in its own way.
But how about that HD transfer! It's pretty awesome, and I definitely caught details I hadn't seen before. (I never knew Torgo's cane was topped off with a little hand!) And it's just a more pleasant viewing experience overall. The picture is crisp and clear (although you still get the occasional mars and blotches on the film) and the sound is very good, so you can hear every nuance of the awkward dubbing and the oddly jazzy piano soundtrack. There are a great deal of extras that I didn't watch, because I'm a bad movie blogger. (Two movies called The Pyramid aren't going to watch themselves, you know!) But you get audio commentary from The Master himself Tom Neyman and his daughter Jackie Ray Neyman (who played little Debbie) and 3 featurettes: one about the film itself, one about the restoration, and one about "Felt: The Puppet Hands of Fate" (yes, there is a puppet show based on Manos). You also get the "Grindhouse" version of the film (i.e. the shitty looking/sounding one).
So, Manos deserves it's place in the canon of bad-good movies. It's a bit slower than the modern day entries like The Room or Troll 2, but it's still fun. And there's a certain DIY-ness to it that is very charming. It's a bad, bad, bad movie, but I also kind of love it. Manos is the sort of thing that defies a simple yes/no rating, but ultimately I really like it, warts and all. And this here Blu-Ray (thanks Synapse!) is clearly the definitive version.
I would recommend this film.
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