October 20th, 2015 - Darkroom (2013)


Darkroom is a mess. And not an interesting or fun mess. Just a plain old messy mess. Michelle was involved in a car accident where she killed three of her friends. For some reason, this lands her in some sort of a treatment program... if the law or courts were involved, Darkroom doesn't bother to fill you in on it. Michelle is just there, and Dr. Rachel needs to "sign off" on her recovery before she can leave. But is she even an actual doctor? If so, Darkroom doesn't bother to let you know. Dr. Rachel has two brothers - one is a little meek and maybe suffers from some sort of mental illness, and the other is an Eli Roth-esque crazy guy. They just happen to run a torture chamber on the side. So Dr. Rachel lets the patients out, and then using the promise of a job, lures them to a big mansion that houses said torture chamber. Then the three siblings torture them, because God, I guess.

Now, I'm all for religion-bashing in horror movies. But what you get in Darkroom is so weak that it hardly counts. The siblings make reference to "purging your sins," but it's basically just lip service to being a "religious crazy." Where are the wild-eyed rants about the godless state of modern society? It's like they didn't even bother to research any *actual* religious crazies. Just google the WBC and switch up a couple of words, you know? Even saying the siblings are half-baked as characters is overstating it.

Oh, and a quick note to abusive parents everywhere. If you're going to abuse your children, make sure you videotape it and then edit together a slick demo reel highlighting your abuse. That way, when your children grow up and become crazy torturers themselves, their victims will have something they can conveniently stumble across to know *why* your children turned out that way.

And for some reason Darkroom is the odd torture-pornish film that shies away from showing much torture. It's almost always shot in such a way that there is a person in between the camera and the damage being inflicted. So if you're hoping for gore - you get a little bit of it, I guess. But most of it is more implied.

The acting is passable, as is the overall look of the film. It surely wasn't an expensive film, but they got the most out of their money. It just flat out isn't an interesting story. The villains are pretty boring and lack any noteworthy motivation, and the hero Michelle (Kaylee DeFer) is just sort of there. DeFer is able to make Michelle aloof enough (considering what she's gone through), but she manages to stay mostly likable. Still, other that getting threatened and tortured she doesn't have much else to do.

Also, Darkroom has got more than a few things little things that just kind of annoy you as a viewer. Characters don't take advantage of things when they clearly should. (Michelle just walks by a baseball bat while she is being chased in the house. Why even have it in the shot if she's not going to grab it?) The script kind of randomly jumps around in time for no real reason. The opening scene makes zero sense in the grand scheme of things, and it ends with the one of the dullest thuds I've come across in recent memory.

That, and what was probably my favorite part of the film: some *incredibly* slow-moving credits. I checked the time remaining at about 68 minutes - there was 12 left to go, so surely *something* else would happen, right? Nope! Just 10 full minutes of credits. I'm guessing they needed to get to 80 to fulfill some sort of requirement. So it's short at least.

And also, the title Darkroom doesn't really mean anything. You could expect that there would be some photography going on or something. Or maybe that's not even on people's radars anymore now that it's the digital age. Who can say? I guess the fake job Dr. Rachel tries to trick the girls with is called Darkroom, but that's about the extent of it. Photography nerds need not apply.

I would   not recommend   this film.

No comments:

Post a Comment